Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex boyfriend

29 replies

Annie9112 · 18/07/2019 20:07

My ex boyfriend is checking up on me through a mutual friend, he told her he doesn’t want to talk to me to give me ‘false hope’ but I could contact him? How does that even make sense

OP posts:
mjv123 · 18/07/2019 20:30

Grr! Sounds just like my ex!! Angry
You're right, it doesn't make sense at all.
He is just fishing, and in a rather cowardly way; I'd say is looking to see if you would be open to communication.
But only if you make the first move...
How long have you been broken up? Have you been 'no contact' for a while?

Original poster
Annie9112 · 18/07/2019 20:41

We have been broken up for 9 days now and that’s when the no contact started. He messaged her Saturday asking her if she thought it was a good idea to message me and then was ‘thinking about it’ but has decided not to as he thinks it will give me false hope: what should I do? I’m really struggling

OP posts:
QueenofPain · 18/07/2019 20:44

Sack him off, this is all pointless game playing. Clearly he’s given you false hope regardless of the method of contact, because you’re here asking about it. Sure he doesn’t just want an excuse to talk to your mate?

Original poster
Annie9112 · 18/07/2019 20:52

No definitely not she is 40 and married haha, he went to her asking how my interview went, why would he not ask me 😂

OP posts:
FairyDust92 · 18/07/2019 20:56

Yeah agree he's playing stupid games and trying to mess with your head.

Original poster
Annie9112 · 18/07/2019 20:57

Why would he do that? He’s just contradicting himself massively

OP posts:
mjv123 · 18/07/2019 21:23

They do this!!
From reading your updates, I repeat; soooo like my ex! No balls/spine.
Yes he should have contacted you directly to ask how your interview went.
But it is early days, what were your reasons for breaking up?
I would not contact him right now. It will still be raw, and you may not be thinking rationally whilst your emotions are all over the place!
He knows where you are, and if he is really wants to talk he will.

Original poster
Annie9112 · 18/07/2019 21:26

He gave me loads of reasons as to why he broke up with me. Couldn’t handle that I had more of a past than him, the fact I had a child, the fact I apparently don’t push myself enough. He said he was bored at one point and there was something missing. Not sure what to do head is everywhere

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 18/07/2019 21:32

How old is your child?

Original poster
Annie9112 · 18/07/2019 21:44

He is 8 years old

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 18/07/2019 21:53

How long have you been with your ex? Was he involved with your boy ?

CrackOn · 18/07/2019 21:59

Block, delete. Move on.

Tell the mutual 'friend' that you've decided you're better off out of it.

Original poster
Annie9112 · 18/07/2019 22:10

About a year and a half, he was more so at the start but then said nearly a year later he wasn’t ready for it. He knew about him from the very start as he actually worked at his school haha. I mentioned this and he said yes but he didn’t know what he was like. He’s a little naughty and mischievous but what 8 year old isn’t?

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 18/07/2019 22:13

Well you dont want that man mear your child, do you!

Block him and tell your friend you dont want to hear anything from him as he is an arse.

usersouthcoast · 18/07/2019 22:14

If the friend says it to you again, say "oh okay, I won't bother ringing him though, it's done now..... anyway, how's your family? Kids excited for summer hols"?

If she doesn't mention it, don't say a thing.

He will contact you in the next couple of weeks, please ignore! Biggest ego bust!

Original poster
Annie9112 · 18/07/2019 22:34

He said to me when he broke up with me that he might have to block me as I am more likely to message him than he is me. He’s said before that I need him more than he needs me so that’s really the only thing keeping this no contact going

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 18/07/2019 22:39

Arrogant prick! Shock

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 18/07/2019 22:41

It does explain why he's wheedling round your friend for info though - he doesn't want to lose face and be the one who messages first!

Original poster
Annie9112 · 18/07/2019 22:57

I’m not so sure, I feel it’s just to see what I’m doing etc. Last weekend he asked her if she thought it was a good idea him talking to me and then was umming and arring about itand decided not to, she kept asking if I was at home and am I ok at home? Am I going out? Which I feel was just him asking her haha

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 18/07/2019 23:00

Oh OP this has to stop. You must tell her not to act as go between and feed him info. He's lost the right to know about your private life. Maybe stop giving her info altogether.

Thingsdogetbetter · 19/07/2019 08:09

He wants to LOOK like a nice guy who's concern for you. He wants friends to think he's a lovely bloke who's worried about you and is trying to do the right thing, without actually doing it. It's all about saving face for him. All wrapped up in saying he can't do the right thing because it'll give you 'hope' therefore making it concern for your feelings (and the fact he's so bloody amazing that you are incapable of moving on from him) that is stopping him doing the right thing. Really he doesn't give a crap.

Original poster
Annie9112 · 19/07/2019 08:28

Do you think so? Last Saturday he was telling her he was worried about me and wasn’t sure wether to talk to me, he’s pretty much by himself and told her all his friends have their own lives. I guess it won’t be long until he finds someone to fill my (old) space

OP posts:
edsheeranpaidmoretaxthanccola · 19/07/2019 11:52

Please DO NOT contact him. He's acting like he's doing you a favour.

Original poster
Annie9112 · 19/07/2019 12:13

He has text me this morning asking how I am Hmm

OP posts:
CousinKrispy · 19/07/2019 12:17

Ignore him completely!! As a matter of fact, block him.