Am I ‘crazy’

[User1boq]

Been in a relationship for over a year. We see each other a couple of times a week.

I saw him on Saturday. Sunday he sent me a message, with links to some hotels, for a weekend away and asking I look for some too. I replied saying I couldn’t afford to at the moment, maybe we could in a couple of weeks. He said no worries, he would pay. Anyhow, I told him I felt really ill, needed to go to bed and would message him next day.

Next day (Monday) I messaged asking did he feel ok, we joked about how he felt fine and I felt ill and I sent some links for hotels. He said I thought you were ill. I said I am, but I will be better at some point! He then said he couldn’t afford to ‘as something had come up’. I was oh ok We spoke briefly as I was still feeling very ill and in bed.

Fast forward to today. I haven’t heard from him since Monday! I messaged saying I was upset that he hadn’t messaged to ask how I was. He said he had forgotten I was ill, he has his own ‘stuff’ to think about, I could have messaged him and that I am ‘crazy’ for feeling upset!

What do you think?

I think I'd dump him.

Ditto witb the dumping!

He's not that into you. At all.

I'd think his head had been turned.

Thanks, that is how it feels!

Umm. Dumpity damn digity dump. ...probably.

Like he asked you to go away for a weekend, insisted he would pay and then when you decided ok, you were interested he's like 'eh...what, no. Something else came up'. Seems a wee bit hot and cold, push n pull to me.

Is he that way normally? I mean it could just be a text miscommunication but...he sorta seems like hard work and a bit like everything has to be on his terms...?

And calling your partner crazy is never an acceptable move lol. Unless she is stood over you with some gasoline and a match or something xD

Yeah, the 'you're crazy/mad/psycho' is a major red flag. Fuck that. He's not that into you, he's not exclusive from the sounds of it and he's a bit of a prick for that comment. I'd bin him off. I'd ghost him for being such a twat.

So it was Tuesday and Wednesday that he didn't message you and that made you upset enough to tell he'd upset you rather than just drop him a message asking if everything is OK?

Did you find out what the "Something" which came up between Sunday and Monday, which meant he couldn't afford the weekend away was?

It might be something stressful such as a huge tax bill or is losing his job?

HarmlessChap It's not up to OP to dig for details. If was something like you suggest, he would have told her. Sounds more like he's seeing someone else, or is punishing her for being ill and not very communicative when it suited him.

He called you crazy for questioning him, & hasn't shown any sort of care for you while you're I'll.

You know what to do OP...

I’m just reading the messages back. Maybe he has something going on he hasn’t told me about?

Convo in brief goes:-

I’m upset you didn’t ask how i was

Stop being dramatic, how about text and ask what I’m doing. You could message me.

I feel this is a little one sided

I do message, you are being crazy

How is my saying I’m upset you didn’t ask how I was, crazy

Oh ok what’s the time span of non messaging before you get hump

I think maybe we are on different pages, wanting different things from the relationship

🙄 I forgot you were ill, got my own stuff to think about, stop being OTT

It's not up to OP to dig for details no but why admonish someone for upsetting you because they've not checked how you're feeling for 2 days rather than checking that something isn't up?

If a woman posted that he DP had been ill and that she'd just had a text from him saying he was upset that she'd not asked how he was feeling for the last 2 days I imagine he would be called a manchild.

I'd never forget if a friend or a loved one was ill because I care about them. And if I did forget, I'd apologise for forgetting and check how they were feeling.

Umm yeh it’s not normal to not want to talk to your partner for that length of time.

As my partner if he had lost his job I would fully expect him to tell me.

He doesn’t sound bothered at all. Dump!

Harmlesschap If something was terribly wrong for him, surely he would have messaged?

Rolling eyes emoji and I forgot you were ill, got my own stuff to think about, stop being OTT

Hardly the words of a caring partner/bf of over a year!

Erm sorry but seeing it from a slightly different angle, why does he have to message to see how you are but you don't have to message to see how he is? Isn't that how partnerships work (particularly if you know something has happened in his life that you haven't asked about?) I get it would be more helpful if he had told you what had come up, but still do you always spill about everything without someone asking what's up? I'm not saying you are wrong OP, but some of the PP seem a bit OTT

Did you find out what the "Something" which came up between Sunday and Monday, which meant he couldn't afford the weekend away was?

Yes, he had to pay a bill (which he had prior to him suggesting hotel) which is why I suggested we wait a couple of weeks, as I couldn’t afford to contribute.

Hotel not happening is not what bothered me. It just feels like he couldn’t be bothered to message me when I was ill!

When he is ill, in bed, I check he is ok, does he need anything, drive over to drop tablets off etc.

I didn’t need him to do any of that, just a message would have been nice.

He's just after sex. I'd get rid.

He could not be bothered to message you when you were ill.

Put him back in the pond and try again. His texts are awful.

scratchy I’m not aware of anything in his life which could have or would have changed dramatically in his life.

We don’t live in each other’s pockets, we don’t constantly message each other every day. However, I thought it was usual, if one of you is ill, or has something going on, you would make a point of messaging. I would!

Alternatively if someone is ill in bed and they have told you this. Isn’t it universally accepted ill person probably won’t be messaging you for a couple of days for general chit chat?

Or maybe my universal unwell meter is slightly off?!

I'll be honest, I think he's dumped you and just not said. His behaviour is not that of a loving caring partner is it. In fact he was pretty rude and dismissive to someone who's been ill and he's supposed to care about.

Hmm I don't think I would have been fussed about him not texting because your last convo implied you were feeling a bit better anyway. Also, if someone is ill I would probably want to leave them in peace for a few days tbh. Maybe if he hadn't been in touch by Saturday I would have been annoyed but 2 or 3 days wouldn't have bothered me I don't think.