Am I ‘crazy’

[User1boq]

Been in a relationship for over a year. We see each other a couple of times a week.

I saw him on Saturday. Sunday he sent me a message, with links to some hotels, for a weekend away and asking I look for some too. I replied saying I couldn’t afford to at the moment, maybe we could in a couple of weeks. He said no worries, he would pay. Anyhow, I told him I felt really ill, needed to go to bed and would message him next day.

Next day (Monday) I messaged asking did he feel ok, we joked about how he felt fine and I felt ill and I sent some links for hotels. He said I thought you were ill. I said I am, but I will be better at some point! He then said he couldn’t afford to ‘as something had come up’. I was oh ok We spoke briefly as I was still feeling very ill and in bed.

Fast forward to today. I haven’t heard from him since Monday! I messaged saying I was upset that he hadn’t messaged to ask how I was. He said he had forgotten I was ill, he has his own ‘stuff’ to think about, I could have messaged him and that I am ‘crazy’ for feeling upset!

What do you think?

This morning I felt very guilty, he messaged saying he has been feeling very down and might be depressed.

So I drove to his, we went for coffee and a chat. He told me he hasn’t had any work for weeks (he is self employed), which I knew, however, he told me he puts money aside, as it’s always like this. He is struggling to pay his rent (room in a house share) and might have to move back in with his mum.

The next bit really set alarm bells ringing.

I have a son and DP hasn’t met him yet. DP’s plan was for him to rent his own flat, no plans to live together yet. Not involve my son until we were both sure this was a long term thing.

He told me I need to speak to my son, so he can start coming here to stay. He is happy to continue as he is, renting a room and has no intention of getting a flat. He said our relationship cannot carry on like this! Pressure put on me, to let him stay here!

Am I being unfair to feel I’m being viewed as a meal ticket?

Your relationship cannot carry on - full stop.
Just no OP.
This is not right at all.
RUN!!!

Holy sht! Run for the hills OP. Who is he to say you NEED to let him stay with you. Like 'get tae * pal'. You should have got up and walked out of that coffee shop.

Listen to your gut...and your brain...and well, general sense lol and end it. Fully. Delete and block too, the whole shebang.

He's depressed, may have no place to go soon, wants to start 'staying over' at yours (co-incidently when he happens to be broke and considering moving in with his mum hmm...) and insists you introduce him to your son now (!?!). Sounds like a recipe for a disaster. You'll end up with cocklodger (who clearly has no respect for boundaries) if you don't end it.

MAJOR cocklodger alert!

I’m gobsmacked tbh. I was shocked and didn’t really say much.

Didn't he offer to pay for a weekend away for you a few days ago too? Where's that money if he is so hard up? Makes me wonder if he just said it to try butter you up/make you think he has savings, because he is setting up all his ducks in a row to become a cocklodger.

Trying to 'force your hand' to have him move in with you because the other alternative is living with his mum?

Doesn't sound like he's managed to be a proper grown up yet - as a self employed person who 'puts money aside' and was all prepared to book a hotel for a weekend away and yet suddenly needs to move out of his shared house, it sounds to me like he's blowing money as fast as it comes in and was fully expecting you to offer to pay for the whole weekend away.

Bin him off, OP.

Tea yes he did offer to pay for a weekend away. Then next day ‘something came up’ ie he had to pay a bill and couldn’t afford it.

The general gist of the convo today was none of what I said I was going to do is going to happen. He said he is never going to find consistent work, is happy renting a room etc. All the onus is on me! All I need to do is x,y,z!

Is this depression talking?

No, it's entitled arse talking.

You are crazy if you do not get rid.
A lot of things do not add up here...he said he would pay for the hotel and now he has no money . He tried to turn it all around as to being your fault...you did not ask how HE was .

His ideas are not depression talking .

WOW!! He has been thinking about this for a very long time, I mean a long time. Get rid, once he move in, he will be like another child in your life

No, it's being a jerk talking. Also it is really common for certain sorts to claim depression - to blame for their shitty behaviour. To make us feel sorry for them or feel like we need to make excuses for them ect… DONT.

And you know all you need to do is to dump him right. Seriouslt I would actually do it by text because he seems the sort that will guilt trip yoi our imply that you are a bad person or some other shit if you do it in person. Just text 'this isn't working for me anymore. Sorry, all the best' and block him on everything.