My husband searched for local escorts

[darknightsky]

Long story short, I found out my husband had been searching for local escorts. It was ac accident how I found out but it showed in the Google search history that he was searching for 'private escorts in xx' (near his work.

I just frozen and didn't know what to make of it. Couldn't believe what I saw for a minute then felt my stomach turning and my heart racing. I had never in a million years would thought that this would happen as I had absolutely no doubt that he love me. Obviously I was wrong.

When I confronted him, he started shifting the blame and accused me of searching through his private stuff and that I should stop acting stupid and so on. He said he searched it because his mate told me that one of his school friends became a local escort. When I asked who told him, he gave me a name. When I pressed him to call this friend to verify it, he admitted he made it up but he insisted that someone told him that still. To this date he still said the only reason he searched was because he was curious of his escort school friend. It sounded so lame to me and I just couldn’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. He admitted that it was stupid of him to search for this but he never had or would never cheat on me. He said he actually found it funny although he knew he shouldn’t.

I feel hurt and disgusted and don’t know what to do. We have a two year old and a 5 month old baby. Admittedly, sex has become an issue since my first pregnancy. He wouldn’t touch when I passed my second trimester and we didn’t have sex for seven months after birth because I was terrified of the cut and stitches from birth. Same story with my second baby and we’ve only just started to have sex again when my baby became 4 months old because it was just too painful and scary for me. In the back of my mind, I knew we were in trouble but I didn’t expect him to go and search for some local prostitutes.

I have no one to talk to about this, not my family or friends. My minds are going crazy. I feel like my whole world has changed and everything I treasure is going away. I worry that I may never be able to trust him again even if I forgive him one day. I fear that my children will grow up in a broken family and I dread how that would affect them. I do still love him and don’t want divorce him solely because of the search history but at the same time, I don’t want to be in a marriage where there is no trust. I am torn.

Poppy54 its very degrading x

I'm so sorry you're in this position at all, darknightsky - I've been in the same boat and it's true you're unlikely to ever trust him again
Apart from the obvious, the worst bit is him taking no responsibility at all. With that you might have had something to work with, but without it there's no use even talking, and contact with his mother - who'll always excuse her little boy - is pointless

A small piece of good news is that you need to decide nothing in a hurry, though I'd recommend the empowering effect of getting some good legal advice in place. You certainly need space to get your head round this though, so I wondered if you're in a position to ask him to leave at least for a while?

So similar to my story. I had the perfect husband that doted on me, except I worked especially hard for a year, and he took the escort route to satisfy himself. I saw his messages to one, the order request and price negotiation. He told me he "stopped at the door and just couldn't go through with it". I proved it by cross checking bank account records, saw he took out 200 from an ATM that same night, and the next day he had to pay by card for something that cost 25. So where did the money go? Maybe it helps you - check for significant cash withdrawals during lunch times and evenings when he is working late. I would say with almost certainty he is gaslighting you.

" In the back of my mind, I knew we were in trouble but I didn’t expect him to go and search for some local prostitutes. "

This is the problem, right here. We ALL hit problems. Its how we react to them that is the issue.

Take it to a counsellor, who can explore the two issues: the problem, and his reaction to the problem.

Tell him that what you decide to do next all depends on his ability to be honest. That you are being honest about the sex being the problem [lets see if he can explore his immature, split, compartmentalised reaction to lack of intimacy].

For me that would be the test. IF he continued to stonewall and lie in counselling and clearly doesn't know what an emotion is - you haven't got a good one.
IF he is prepared to face things and grow - a keeper.

Christ not only did he gaslight you but he got his mother involved too

Is your mum about or is there another relative who could give him what seeing as he has no issue getting relatives involved