Long story short, I found out my husband had been searching for local escorts. It was ac accident how I found out but it showed in the Google search history that he was searching for 'private escorts in xx' (near his work.
I just frozen and didn't know what to make of it. Couldn't believe what I saw for a minute then felt my stomach turning and my heart racing. I had never in a million years would thought that this would happen as I had absolutely no doubt that he love me. Obviously I was wrong.
When I confronted him, he started shifting the blame and accused me of searching through his private stuff and that I should stop acting stupid and so on. He said he searched it because his mate told me that one of his school friends became a local escort. When I asked who told him, he gave me a name. When I pressed him to call this friend to verify it, he admitted he made it up but he insisted that someone told him that still. To this date he still said the only reason he searched was because he was curious of his escort school friend. It sounded so lame to me and I just couldn’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. He admitted that it was stupid of him to search for this but he never had or would never cheat on me. He said he actually found it funny although he knew he shouldn’t.
I feel hurt and disgusted and don’t know what to do. We have a two year old and a 5 month old baby. Admittedly, sex has become an issue since my first pregnancy. He wouldn’t touch when I passed my second trimester and we didn’t have sex for seven months after birth because I was terrified of the cut and stitches from birth. Same story with my second baby and we’ve only just started to have sex again when my baby became 4 months old because it was just too painful and scary for me. In the back of my mind, I knew we were in trouble but I didn’t expect him to go and search for some local prostitutes.
I have no one to talk to about this, not my family or friends. My minds are going crazy. I feel like my whole world has changed and everything I treasure is going away. I worry that I may never be able to trust him again even if I forgive him one day. I fear that my children will grow up in a broken family and I dread how that would affect them. I do still love him and don’t want divorce him solely because of the search history but at the same time, I don’t want to be in a marriage where there is no trust. I am torn.