I should leave, right? Too many red flags perhaps

[ReadingMummy]

So to start a bit of back story, I’ve been with my partner for 6 years, lived together for 6 months while we were in the same town but since 3 years ago we have been long distance, as he relocated for a new job with me doing a 3hr round trip weekend to see him. I would have relocated with him however he decided to buy a flat and wouldn’t buy one with me and as I have no ties in the area (he has his family) I felt it would be too much of a risk if things went pear shape as I’d be left with no home or support. Currently 28 weeks pregnant, baby wasn’t planned, but obviously because I am pregnant my partner wants me to relocate, leave my current job, but still no sort of commitment. Anyway below are some of the red flags, I think, do you think I should leave him and not relocate?

Calls me a squar or his side piece as supposed jokes
I caught him sexting just before I found out I was pregnant
If another man finds me attractive will ask me if he is blind
Will try and pressure me into sex or sexual acts
Doesn’t tidy his own flat, even after my travelling, working full time and being pregnant I end up cleaning the flat (I know I shouldn’t but don’t want to get ill). I have spoke to him about this and he said he thought I wanted to do it or that he didn’t realise
We had a disagreement, he then left soon after and slammed the door and told me later he wasn’t pissed off or having a go at me. His actions suggested otherwise.
When I’ve told him I think he is slightly emotionally abusive he said it isn’t like he batters me.
Loss his temper far to easily over the smallest of things.

Just looking for some advice really.

Jesus - you should have run away years ago.
Soooooo many red flags it's worrying you have to ask.
Just re-read that.
Imagine you have a little girl.
She comes to you with that list.
What do you tell her!???
This is no role model for your DC.
Stay away.
Do NOT relocate.
Do NOT quit your job.
Lean on family and friends right now.
But he's sound like a useless, abusive, lazy, dirty piece of shit.

Easy. Leave this fucker and prepare to be a single parent. He is emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, lazy and entitled. Why is it always you doing the 3 hour trips and cleaning his flat? Honestly he's horrible to you - and sexting other women? Ugh.

This is a very easy decision. Absolutely yes break it up with him.

What the other respondents have written. You becoming a single parent is far better than you relocating and ending up even further isolated emotionally.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up; what sort of an example were you shown?.

I would seriously also consider giving your as yet unborn child your surname rather than his. Please also look at and enrol yourself asap onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid.

I agree with all PPs, you need to LTB

You really have to ask 😨

Dump.

He sounds awful. Just for the fact he asks if other men are blind if they find you attractive. What a horrible thing to say!

That comment to other men about them being blind shows exactly who he is, he isn't 'a little emotionally abusive' - he IS abusive, full stop. That kind of comment is deliberately to target your self esteem. anyone who says shit like that WANTS you to feel shit about yourself. They are a nasty person.

Add on top that he is obviously bad tempered, treating you like his skivy and sexting other women. Yeah, dump - and ruuuuuuuuun. The less he has to do with the child when it is born the better too, hopefully he won't be interested because you actually don't want someone like this near a kid. The fact that he puts you down...he would likely also do the same to the child.

You and baby deserve better.

If he wants to be closer to you and his baby then he can move to you.

Bet he won't.

Jesus Christ on a Bike. Why (and how) have you put up with that crap for so long?

Does he have any redeeming features at all? Actually, it doesn't matter if he does. Dump him. Today.

Awful man. You and baby will be much better off on your own, close to YOUR support network.

Expect him to come crawling you to you, promising to change when you do dump him though. Don't fall for it.

I red the first point and didn't need to read anything else. Leave him.

*read, obv

Throw the entire boyfriend away.

Is there any single reason why you should stay with this useless specimen? OK, here's a free one for you: his sperm works. Apart from that he seems to be pretty much a waste of space and not very pleasant with it.

Don't be silly now

If you go with him and relocate, you'll be cut off from your current friends and family, leaving yourself isolated and more vulnerable with less support for raising a newborn. I fear that things would only get worse if you do this. Stay where you are and possibly contact a women's refuge for help on how to leave an emotionally abusive relationship. Good luck OP :)

Well done for reaching out....when you are in the thick of it our thinking gets skewed a bit. When you read the red flags its obvious to the outsider to say run. I will be now different.....run away as fast as possible, do not move in or relocate. Stay on your own...it will be so much easier. Please do not spend a moment more with him. I raised my beautiful daughter, now 21, alone. She is amazing and successful, you can do it.

@hellsbellsmelons I am expecting a little girl.

He wasn’t always like this, first couple of years he was good to me although looking back there probably were other red flags but just a few slipped in here and there. And reason I didn’t leave before, honestly I don’t know, I got so tired from the travelling and self esteem got lower then thought ok things will get better in time and also wondered if I was overreacting.

I know it’s right just to become a single mum, if my instincts are saying it’s a bad move and I should just go it alone, just got to put my big girl pants on and ditch his arse.

So he puts you down, pressures you for sex, pretty much cheats on you (sexting), and undermines your feelings.

This guy will be no great loss, I assure you!

Thank goodness you didn't buy the place with him. It sounds like you have good instincts. This is obviously a big decision to make, but it sounds like you know what's best in the long run. I hope everything works out for you and little baby!

Do not relocate!!! Whether he's awesome or a piece of shit once you have a baby you will need your own family and friends for support.

But you're on here asking so I think you know you're not happy with him. That's all you need to know really.

But he does sound really mean. And that's not someone I'd be willing to be with. He should treat you like his queen especially since you're pregnant now. Why should you move to him? That's redicilous.

You know what you need to do OP, it's just really really really hard.

Get it over with now and seek support from other people in your life so you have a network to help you when little one arrives.

We forget that things are actually easier post break up when the ex is a dickhead - break ups are almost always sad but almost always for a reason and end in both parties being happier than they would be together.

Sorry you're going through this it's shit but I feel like you know what you need to do and the sooner it's done the sooner you can get a plan in place for you and your baby - and you'll allow yourself to be excited about it

He has shown over and over that he does not see you as a partner. Stay with your family, friends and colleagues.
Trust your gut. No more travelling and hoping. Dump his bad tempered, lazy arse. You have outgrown him and it is time to move on.
Good luck. x

My thinking is even though it’s hard to leave now it’s better than when I have my little one and I’m far from my support. If I left I’d have no one to support me and would have no protection, id be reliant on him.