Top tips to be happy single

[saturnsteel]

Please can I ask for your top tips to be happy single? I'm bored and lonely, so last night I wrote a list of things I would like to do in my life and thought I'd start working my way through it to give me some focus. However, when I've looked at it this morning I just think doing some of these things on my own would just be sad and miserable e.g. i would like to go up in a hot air balloon - but the thought of just going and doing that on my own doesn't really fill me with joy. It feels like it would be enjoyable to share the experience. I know lots of people do things on their own and enjoy doing things on their own - I just don't know how to get to that point. Or should I just do these things? Will I get to that point by doing more stuff on my own. Would love any tips if you were fed up with life and how you turned it around. Thank you

I think you should just do the things. It would grow your confidence and character....you'd probably begin to enjoy your own company more. It's a challenge to do anything alone...for many people it is anyway.

What hobbies do you have? I know that i love being alone...because my hobbies are very solitary.

Read some of the posts here by people in truly awful relationships and feel grateful you're not in their situation? Slightly tongue in cheek but... the grass is not always greener.

Your bucket list is a great idea, and I think that if you do more things on your own you'll get used to doing them! Or could you take a friend on your hot air balloon ride?

Do you want a new relationship or not?

You could...
Join a running club. Take up parkrun. Take up a new hobby. Volunteer. Google for companies that run activity holidays or that specialise in singles holidays.

When I left my bastard ex partner I never thought I would survive just me and my son. I didn’t know how to be alone. And don’t get me wrong, it took me a while but I LOVE being single.
I’ve learned that I can deal with anything, I’ve made some new friends but also found out I enjoy my own company and can do things alone so the things you want to do YOU can do. You just need time to adjust.

Simple things like reading a book and not having any interruptions, to having a day out on your own is so liberating and cheesy as it sounds. Enjoy being you for a while and the rest will all come together xx

When I moved cities and knew nobody I joined MeetUp and challenged myself to go along once a week to the first group which sent me an email notification, even if I didn’t feel like it. I went to some very random groups and did a whole lot of new stuff and met lots of new people and had a blast. But it didn’t just give me an opportunity to meet new people, it really boosted my confidence as well.

If you don’t already keep fit or exercise regularly, start: take up running or cycling or weightlifting or boxing - particularly the latter two; you will notice your body and your confidence in yourself and your abilities change within weeks and you will feel invincible.

Make lots of good single friends who have the time to do all the things on the list with you. Join a couple of interest groups ur walking or cycling ( usually better for mixed sex too if that's an issue).

I’ve also been essentially single, entirely by choice, for more than three years. It didn’t start off that way - I was recovering from the breakup of a long term relationship initially, and then when I eventually began dating I realised that I really didn’t want to be tied down anymore. I’d gotten so used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted and not having to compromise or justify myself to anyone, and it made me so happy, that I was unwilling to turn back. I now have a couple of FwBs and I can’t see myself ever having a monogamous or cohabiting relationship again. As a previous poster said, I read on here some of the absolute shit so many women seem to be willing to put up with just to have a man in their lives because they’re afraid of being single and think, fuck that for a game of soldiers.

My sister was single for a long time (then she married at 42 after a whirlwind romance!). She was single all during the period where her uni mates were getting married and having babies etc. I think her tip was to not make everything in life about trying to find a partner. She did yoga, boot camp, tennis etc, all things she enjoyed for herself. With yoga and tennis she ended up going on group holidays. They weren’t solely for singles though, some couples went and some people went without partners. I guess her thing was that she didn’t want to be the ‘single friend’ and hang out with singles all the time. I don’t know how old you are and if you have kids, but there are plenty of clubs and things you can do. And volunteering is great, especially if it’s something you enjoy like working in a shop, National trust, helping at a food bank etc. I often think by the time you get to 60 a lot of activities are done solo anyway - my mum does knitting, Pilates, church lunches etc, none with my dad!

The hot air balloon trip is something you could do with a friend or acquaintance. Do it over somewhere you know or know of.
It's worth doing but not as romantic as it sounds.
Go on holiday with a singles group or on an activity holiday. Join a running club or similar.
Do things on your own. I do and it's fine - it's much better than doing it with a miserable partner in tow.
You are a valid person in your own right, you don't need to be part of a couple to be a whole person.
Your strength as a single person will help when you pair up with someone. You'll be more resilient.
Good luck and enjoy your freedom.

I have had the best holidays on my own or with a friend. The worst one was a 'romantic' holiday with a long term boyfriend. Sea, sun and sand with a week-long sulk/strop hanging over it.

Date many, don't commit to any, don't sleep with them unless your bored.

get to go out get glammed up every time and enjoy it. Get a new diary and write in days you don't want to be available and go forth :)

Have many on rotation, Get rid of any who get pissy for any reason your dating like a man,

I'd suggest looking for activities that involve meeting other people as a natural consequence, eg volunteering holidays, or just volunteering in general. I used to do one day per month at Cats Protection trying to get older cats adopted (and on quiet days, just doing useful stuff like painting, clearing weeds, washing windows etc)

Once you've made a few tentative friends you can then say "So my brother bought me 2 tickets for a hot air balloon for my birthday! Fancy coming with me?"

Also, I date myself a lot. I take myself out to dinner (complete with dressing how I would for a date - so not slutty or really smart, but a step up from what I'd wear to Maccy Ds.). I take myself to the cinema. I go for walks. I stay in hotels/lodges that have hot tubs, and I use the hell out of those hot tubs!

I eat out on my own a lot. I generally work away from home 5 days a week so it's either eat on my own or have a sad tesco sandwich meal deal. It's nothing to be frightened of, and often I have suspected that my solo status makes me look like a potential food critic and therefore I get better service ;)

Thanks HennyPenny. That's what my thoughts were last night, just get on with doing things I want to do. Then this morning it just makes me feel sad. Hopefully if I start working through the list I'll start enjoying them? I don't really have hobbies. What are yours if you don't mind me asking?

Theunrivalled you actually have a really good point there. If I did have someone to do these things with they wouldn't necessarily want to do them anyway! The hot air balloon example my ex didn't like heights so wouldn't do that with me anyway, so maybe now is a good time to get these things done. I moved to a new area so don't really have friends to do these things with. I would like a relationship, but not sure about online dating and not met anyone in real life yet. Thank you for your suggestions, I'll have a google

@FuriousVexation dating yourself is an excellent way of describing solo activities! the more we women date ourselves, the more we'll value ourselves.

I think some people substitute partners for friends and visa versa. I'm a single parent but I'm.by no means ' alone ' or lonely. I have different groups of friends to do different things with ie ' mum friends ' , work friends, friends that like going out for nice meals and friends to party with .
It does take time to build up friendships and it is hard but it's worth it. Just because you don't have a significant other it doesn't mean you are stuck with a life of solitude

Wow thank you so much for all the responses!!
Motherofdragons- that is exactly how I want to feel. I want to love being single and just enjoy my life without feeling lonely and fed up
Comtesse - the Meetup idea of going to one thing every week is great. I am a member and often look at what is on, but never actually plucked up the courage to go yet since I moved. I've never considered weightlifting or boxing, so will look into those!
Bumper - I don't really have any friends since I moved, but going to look into some of these suggestions and perhaps that will help on that front too

I love being single 🙂. As others have said, the key is to find things you love. I took up hiking. Didn't have friends who were into it, so I organised a group through Facebook and found lots of like-minded people. I now spend large parts of my child-free weekends up mountains, and love every minute. I found a local group of wild swimmers, and swim regularly in the local river. Take activity holidays that are pitched towards solo travellers - I just climbed Mount Toubkal in Morocco with an outfit called Much Better Adventures, and they always have solo travellers / small groups. I've tried a local dining group through Meetup (it was okay, but not one I stuck with).

There's a world of opportunity out there, and you don't need a partner to make the most of it. Invest in your friendships. Invest in yourself.

By the time you meet someone, your life should already be full. Feel like you're having to make an effort to carve out tine for someone. Only then will you know they're actually worth it.

OP I went through a time where I honestly hated being single. I cried myself to sleep, felt fed up and alone, felt like the odd one out.

Am I happy single now? Yes. Am I still unhappy single sometimes? Yes. It’s not easy and I think most people would love someone in their life to do things with and build a life with. But what I have learned is that people in relationships aren’t always happy and it isn’t the key to happiness. For example, a close friend got married and did all sorts with her husband, all the social media posts and photos...turned out she was in an awful marriage and when it ended she was so happy to be doing all the ‘couples’ things with her friends. What I’m trying to say is that a hot air balloon with the love of your life would be wonderful. But it would also be fun with friends. And not everyone around you is in some magical bubble all of the time anyway.

In terms of what you can do about being single...I agree with the poster above who said to make sure you have plans. I don’t really think about being single anymore in terms of having time spare...I got into cooking and I went on a group holiday and I have painted my bathroom!!! In between that I regularly meet friends even if for a coffee here and there and I have got to know my neighbours better. These things probably feel small but when you do all of them often then you realise your life becomes full quickly. A big thing for me was going a group trip (never ever did I think I would do one of those!). There are places I haven’t gone to because I think they’re a bit romantic or would be better with a partner, but in my opinion that’s just life...maybe one day I will go with a partner but in the meantime I’ve done other things and they are just as valuable. So I do get where you are coming from.

Maybe look at it the other way and think what wouldn’t be easy to do with a partner that I can do now? That’s how I ended up on two great trips this year and i can say with certainty that I would never have booked or gone to these places with a partner. Hope some of this helps, you’re not alone with feeling like this! X

Get a hobby, try new things. Totally indulge yourself and your own wants, needs and desires. No compromises. Live how you want.

View this time as a phase and not a destination.

I could have written this same post op so thank you - I am also learning from the suggestions!

I've been single for around 7 years. I've dated a bit here and there but never really regarded myself as 'not single'.

I've had a few fwb along the way but nothing at the moment.

I've done BMF, yoga, swing dancing, choirs and all have been a lot of fun. I'm currently in two bands and we spend time practising, gigging and socialising. I probably wouldn't have time for dating anyway!

They're all married so there's no collective desire to meet someone and, tbh, I'm content to be single.

I have other friends I meet for coffee and a chat. Not close friends but people I can meet up with occasionally.

I like to spend time on my own at home and outside in nature. I go camping and to festivals on my own. The idea of dating yourself is a great one. Get to know yourself really well, what you like, what makes you tick, what you will and won't tolerate.

I'm not 'happy' being single - I'm just trying not to dwell on it too much at the moment but I do enjoy the time I spend on my own. Anyone I did meet would have to be pretty amazing for me to want to give up any aspect of my single life!

Also, doing things on your own can he incredibly empowering. I agree, take the hot air balloon ride either with friends or on your own.

What I've found when dating is that a lot of men don't like independent women who do things on their own. They like women who 'need' them - that way, they think they can get away with treating you badly/being selfish and you'll put up with it for fear of being alone.

You want to he able to weed those men out pretty quickly

Being a woman who Does Stuff is very unattractive those men but very attractive to the right sort of man (although, if I'm honest, I haven't found one yet!)

So do the things, have the fun, build the memories and live your own fabulous life

@saturnsteel

I think the answer to being happy as a single person is having at least a handful of good reliable friends. This overlaps to a degree with the thread I started here which has some nice suggestions on it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3633926-I-need-new-single-female-friends-over-35-Where-can-I-find-them

First of all, I think you have to stop wanting to be happy. People can't be happy all of the time, it just isn't possible. Plus, you only have to look at most of the threads in relationships to see that being in a couple often brings huge amounts of misery.

I think it is far better to look at ways to enjoy life and I say this as someone who has spent more of the last 16 years single than in a relationship.

It took me ages, but I found a sport I really enjoy and joined a club where I can do it. It was a bit of a leap of faith but I'm so glad I did it as I have something that I enjoy doing, brings me pleasure and is a bit sociable.

Job satisfaction - another area where you can find personal reward. If you can find a job that you enjoy, then you have another huge area of your life that brings you pleasure / satisfaction & enjoyment.

Friends - don't just meet them for a drink or a coffee, do stuff with them. See if they'd like to join you on your hot air balloon ride or maybe wander around a gallery or exhibition, go to the beach, try afternoon tea somewhere different, potter around your local farmers market etc. Doing things builds connections and shared adventures.

Take pleasure in the small things - watering your pot plants, watching the sun set, the smell of fresh cut grass, the first sip of an ice cold G&T or hot latte, the feeling of hot water on your back in the shower. It sounds like airy fairy new age shit, but there really is so much joy in the small things that happen around us every day.

Hi op I wanted to add that you mustn't let your relationship status define you. I do understand that it's natural to want a partner but you can't live your life in hope. I don't mean to sound harsh! I'd love more children , it's an impossible dream for me. We have to make the most of now and the cards we are dealt ( to some extent)
I guarantee there are people that would love the freedom and opportunities you have.

Take pleasure in the small things So, so, so important!

One of my greatest pleasures in life is sitting outside at sunrise/early morning with a cup of tea and just appreciating the sights, smells and sounds of nature around me.

I prioritise this and do it most mornings. It really helps me to feel connected to the world around me, sets me up for the day ahead and puts a lot of things into perspective.

Taking pleasure in the small things is where true happiness lies.