Would you go on holiday with your ex?

[GirlOnIt]

Need to decide as we've the final balance to pay in a few weeks and I'd pretty much decided to cancel it.
But I really want a holiday.

Broke up because he's controlling, but I'm not scared of him being physical and although he's being a bit of dick, when it comes to Ds he's being good. I think he'll spend the week trying to show me how great he is so I consider taking him back and I feel strong enough that I won't do that.
So I'm thinking maybe just go and at least I get a holiday and Ds gets a week with his daddy, he's too young for ex to take him for a week alone, still breastfeeding.

I've said if we go it's definitely not us getting back together.

Yes I am about to. Bit we are separate a year now and no DCs. If you feel strong enough to withstand his trying to win you back. Do you have a room each?

I would. If you feel confident that the holiday won't be ruined with arguments and you will be able to enjoy yourself.

No I wouldn't, I would take friend or relative or go by myself with dc before I went with my ex. And yes I've travelled alone with babies, toddlers and one of each before and it was nicer than with my ex.

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend 3 months before a 4 month round the world trip that was all booked and paid for. Would have lost thousands and I wasn't confident enough to travel alone so we still went. The trip was incredible and we were both on good behaviour trying to make the most of the opportunity but we went our separate ways a few days after landing back in the UK and haven't seen or spoken to each other since. Makes me a little sad looking at my photos that I went to so many beautiful places with someone I can't share the memories with anymore, but I still think I made the right decision.
So I would say if you think you'll still be able to enjoy the holiday and will be amicable enough not to ruin it by arguing then go for it!

Get his name removed from this booking and take along another friend or relative with you instead.

You may need a holiday but do not go on holiday with him under any circumstances. It will be no holiday at all for you. He has not changed and such men do not change. He still very much sees you as someone he can control and or impose his own iron will on.

His controlling nature will indeed reassert itself around you all.

No. We had two holidays booked when I split with ex. He wanted to go still because he had plans, like yours has, to win me back. I cancelled the first and took dc by myself on the second which only had my name on the booking (UK).

A cruise..
In shark infested waters...
And give the fucker a shove...
If your dc is still bf then too young to care about a week with his df imo.
Unlike your mh.....

No, I wouldn't to spend my hard-earned holiday with someone who is, in your words, controlling and bit of a dick (your words). If you just really want a holiday is there no one else you could go with?

I did recently, but the circumstances were totally different. It’s 10 years since we split and it was him and his wife.

I wouldn’t in your situation, and I wouldn’t have 10 years ago. The reason we’ve got to this is down to having clear boundaries.

With someone you broke up with because they were controlling? Absolutely not. That would be asking for trouble. Also I'm not sure what part of him trying to get back and you being strong enough to say no makes for a good holiday. You are supposed to relax and enjoy holidays, not have your guard up because of your controlling dick of an ex.

Don't do it.

I can't get his name off as he's the one who booked it. Can't go with anyone else anyway as it's too short notice and friends can't get time off and my mums already away. He won't not go, so I can't just go with Ds either.
That's what's annoying, I'll be back at work soon so it's my last chance to get away for a while.

There's a bedroom and sofa bed and he's said he'll sleep on the sofa, I'll have Ds in the bedroom with me.

Don't know, part of me thinks don't go. The other thinks, it's only a week and he might do the whole 'I still love you' but I'll just ignore him.

I would as long as we could be friendly.

Oooof that's really tough. I think if you're amicable and he if he does tell you he still wants to be with you and you reject him and are sure he won't turn nasty/arguing then, yes.

If not, no fucking chance.

Not in your position. No. Controlling and Abusive? Why would you. I’d rather holiday in my back garden

If he booked it, couldn't he change the name on it to you?
Or it more that he doesn't want to and he wants you to all go together?
It doesn't sound great at this stage, tbh.

I did, 3 years after we'd spilt. He offered to pay on the condition he could come to, I was a skint single mum who felt endless guilt about not being able to afford a holiday for my DCs. So we went. And it was fucking awful. Easily the worst holiday of my life. I remembered all the little things I really hated about him, and how much he made my skin crawl. The DCs didn't benefit at all from spending time with him so now we just look back and remember how good the food was, how much fun we had on the beach and remember it all as if he wasn't there.

He could come too*

I've been in this situation twice with my exh.

The first time was supposed to be our first holiday abroad with ds, I found out 2 weeks before that he had been having an affair with a work colleague for the last 6 months and was planning on leaving me for her. I had kicked him out and didn't think taking him was appropriate as it would have ruined my holiday so I took my lovely stepmum instead, absolutely the right decision.

We ended up getting back together (another story!) and 2 years later I ended it as I was miserable and couldn't get past what he had put me through. I ended it about 4 weeks before we were due to go on a cruise with my family, we decided he would still come as with his earning potential it was unlikely he would ever get to take our ds on this type of holiday in the future. The first couple of days he got drunk and a bit argumentative but after a talking to from my mum it was fine. Having my family there took some of the pressure off so it felt like less of a family holiday.

I did shortly after we’d split (but still had to live together). We’d promised DS we’d take him to New York and didn’t want to disappoint him. I shared a bed with DS (initially - after 2 nights we had beds to ourselves).

Luckily ex had a conference to go to in another state, so I only actually had to holiday with him for 2 days. The airline (who must have somehow sensed my unwillingness to sit with ex) upgraded him on the flight out. So I got to sit with DS in economy while ex went to business class. Ex was in a different flight home entirely. And I’d organised to hang out with a friend on the second day of the holiday (while ex hung out with DS). So I only had to endure one day of sightseeing with the ex.

I don’t think I could have coped with an actual holiday. The DS and me week after ex had gone part was excellent. We had a great time together.

I think the problem is that if it's shit you're all going to be cooped up together in a 1-bed apartment. My friend, who was going through a divorce, ended up going on holiday with her ex and kids a couple of years ago. It was a big holiday to an expensive destination that had been planned for ages and they were going with friends, so felt that neither of them could pull out, otherwise the other couple would've been gutted as the blokes/wives were really good friends with one another. It was tough - and that was with another couple to take the pressure off. Mostly, the took it in turns to be with the kids and other family, while the other one did their own thing, but with you all being stuck together? I think it sounds miserable not the relaxing break you're longing for.

Sorry but I think it'll be a nightmare. Could you stay home and he takes DS by himself? That way you get a break too. Just at home.

And to be honest, that'll be how holidays are from now on anyway.

I'd go on my own with your child. Imagine the peace. No way would I go with an ex what type of holiday would that be

He won't not go and he can't take Ds himself, he's not even doing over nights at the moment.
It's weird because he's been a idiot and he keeps having the odd little dig, but we do still get on too. We can have a bit of a laugh and a joke together and I don't feel on edge or anything with him.
I can't deny he's really good with Ds too and he'll be the one taking him in the pool or back to the room if it's too warm for him.

You do realise that he’s still being controlling OP....he won’t not take his name off the booking.

I would not go with him, he’s already starting to worm his way back.

That's the thing @Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda. Yep, he probably is being he's said he won't go without me either as he wants the week with Ds. Which I do get, he works pretty long hours and he's been looking forward to the holiday to spend more time with Ds.
That's the thing, if we don't go. I'll still end up seeing him most of the week as he'll want to spend it with Ds as much as possible. Likewise it's my last week off work and I want to spend it with Ds too.

I'm just trying to weigh up the pros and cons, I think he'll probably just go all out perfect daddy/partner and that I can handle. I really don't think he'll be nasty, because he just wouldn't have anything to gain from that.
My biggest concern is avoiding sex, it's hard because we've been together years and that part of our relationship was always good. I'm pregnant though so not drinking which is a good thing it that regard.