Do any parents dislike parenting full stop?

[Breastfeedingworries]

I really wasn’t sure where to put this thread. It sort of fits into AIBU but I didn’t want to be misunderstood.

I’ve got a friend, she’s got two sons aged 2 and 9. She suffered undiagnosed post natal drepression with her first, I think their relationships is massively damaged. From what’s she’s said to me, And how she feels. Her bond with her younger son is much stronger but where her first son is confident her youngest clings to her. Her eldest is so angry, he breaks things and lashes out. She’s been told and I’ve asked her if he’s been tested for ADHD. He’s got a doctors appointment soon, but I think it’s very late, as family and friends have been saying it since he was a toddler. I don’t think he means to lash out, and I think he’s very unhappy being told off all the time, by teachers as well as family.

Anyway my friend is lovely, sweet, and kind and really does her best but she hates being a parent. She’s lovely to her friends and other adults but she’s not very affectionate to her children (her parents weren’t to her) she’s not playful person either really so hasn’t been able to bond with play.

I want to support her really, and ask if anyone else out there is like this? Clearly parenting maybe wasn’t what they thought it was and how friends have helped then?

I really want her to find joy in parenting, I know she’s in an unhappy long term relationship as well. We’re going out this Saturday, and I know she lives for any break she can get.

Let me know thanks mums

Hiya. This really reminds me of my sister. She has a 13 and 7 year old. Her kids are both sensitive and have struggled abit with making many friends. Both have found school hard. They do have friends but have also spent time being bullied or alone. The trouble is we were raised by a mum who did the basics, fed us, clothed us and gave us rules to keep us safe. When it came to other things though like cuddles, affection, a warm chat, loving advice, encouragment and praise, she massively lacked!! I never realised until i was an adult how she was not like my friends mums. Despite this we still have a good enough relationship but i lack in confidence and i struggle in certain social situations as my mum has always made me feel silly and self concious.

My sister had her eldest with a man she had a messy break up with. When she had her youngest i noticed she shouted at my nephew more and was sending him to his room etc. One day she even said she has never felt as close to him as she does her youngest. Those words shocked me and broke my heart. My nephew is a sweetheart and he just craved her love and time. She is better with him now but tbh she has struggled. She is always skint. Her house is so messy the kids have never been allowed friends in the house. She has never done baby groups or mixed with other mums. She can be a good mum and i know she loves her kids but i dont think she has enjoyed being a mum at certain times. When my nephew was a toddler and it was just them she was great, but since meeting her new partner she seems to have lost herself. Hes a nice lad but hes unsociable and works crazy hours 7 days a week. Ghey rub off badly on eachother in that sense. Hes not a soppy dad either. He was raised by his grandparents and is almost old fashioned and makes the kids shut down.

I think its hard! I dont love every moment. I struggle sometimes. But i always hug my kids and read them a bedtime story. I do spend time with them too when i can. I am very aware of them getting experience too as i dont want them to go into the world full of nerves. I try and expose them. My sister has never taken her son to the barbers and now he gets laughed at because his mum cuts his hair. I tried telling her when he was younger to maybe try it. Its hard for kids to fit in...

Maybe your friends son feels like his mum doesn't care. If he never gets a hug or abit of one on one time he must feel abit overwhelmed. I really am not sure what you can do to help. Its just how some parents are. Shes clearly not a bad mum but she probably just doesn't understand that those areas od a childs life matter too. Its so important to build your kids up and prepare them for the world. Im sorry i rambled on abit about myself. Its just im familiar with it xx

This is my mum PND from having twins who were poorly and didn't sleep. She's very feral. I've just learnt to accept it now at the grand old age of 41. It's who she is. She never went to get help or wanted it and doesn't want it but knows she had PND but is unable to deal with. It's very sad really!

It's interesting reading folk's experiences with their own parents. I was born 11 & 13 years after my brothers, I was not planned. Though I never felt I lacked anything growing up, I do think I just fitted in around the life that my parents had created. I think my Mum (who is very set in her ways) didn't want her life altered too much. As an adult I can totally get that and if I had a kid now with a large age gap between my youngest, I think I'd actually have a nervous breakdown.

But I remember always wanting to do things but either knowing instinctively that there was no point in asking or having to pester my parents. And I don't mean big expensive things, just like going on a long walk or up a hill or swimming. I was pretty much left to my own devices but so was everyone else my age (70s childhood). But I do remember not being encouraged the way I would encourage my kids when it came to extra curricular activities. I truly think my Mum just couldn't be arsed fitting it in to the schedule and subsequently I lacked a lot of confidence and was very shy.

One of the reasons I feel so trapped now is that I had a hunger to do stuff as a kid and couldn't until I was old enough, now as a parent I have a hunger to do stuff again but can't until my own kids are old enough. Life is short and I sometimes feel like I'm still waiting for mine to start, at least the life I dreamt of.

Life is short and I sometimes feel like I'm still waiting for mine to start, at least the life I dreamt of.

That is exactly how I feel!

@Jaggypinecone my childhood was much the same. My mum had me in her forties and I think was over the kiddy stuff by then. She didn't want to take me to things or watch me have lessons. I used to wonder how so many of the other kids got into sports teams and knew how to play things like netball. Only occurred to me as an adult that their parents were enrolling them and driving them around.

I feel the same way about having a hunger to do things in my life.

This has been a good thread for finding out I'm not alone. I feel heartened this week knowing this. My Mum was 40 when she had me. She is still going, in her 90s now, but I'd be kidding myself on if I said there were no 'issues' between us. As the only girl I feel like she lives a lot through me and depends on me more than my siblings, but perhaps that's just my perception and perhaps me having some resentment about things that have happened between us in the past.

As I still have teenagers at home I feel pulled in two directions, yet still yearn living a different life sometimes often