Husband and housework?!

[LooLoo26]

I'm just curious how you all split the housework/chores in your household?

Me and my husband don't have any children yet but we do have 2 dogs. My husband is out the house for work from 7am until 6pm and I'm out the house at work from 11.30am until 7.30pm as I walk our 2 dogs (high energy) before I go to work. He takes them out again when he gets home.

However... I do everything around the house, all the cleaning, washing, cooking, clearing out cupboards, food shopping, care for dogs (except him walking them in the evening) I make all appointments/arrangements for anything we do, I have to constantly remind him to pay something that needs paying or to contact someone for something we need etc etc.

When he is not at work he is playing his X box and says it's my job to do everything around the house because I work less even though that's a mutual decision for many reasons.

He is a lovely supportive husband in every other way and makes me very happy, we have a great relationship It's just currently I'm feeling the housework side of things is unfair and I'm not sure how to address it? When I make comments about it he just shrugs it off or makes me feel bad about bringing it up

Based on the hours you give, it would make sense to me for you to do most of the basic cleaning, and maybe the laundry in the week. That should only be about an hour a day max, even with dogs? And for him to do all the meal planning, shopping and cooking, so he can have your dinner ready for you getting in. Then both split weekend tasks.

Up your hours and pay a cleaner to do the housework?

It's entirely possible that a partner who spends more hours in paid work but does little or no other work is pulling their weight. It depends on the relative number of hours, how knackering their paid work is, and of course whether they're sharing the extra money they earn.

You might as well work full time then.

He will have to step up then as his ridiculous reasoning won’t work.

He should definitely be doing the cooking so you don’t have to start cooking at 7.30pm

And as lots of people have said DONT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.

A good idea by bentbastard. OP, if you want to share household chores, why don't you increase your hours to match his? Assuming your paid work will be equally demanding.

If one of you works fewer hours than the other, then housework should be divided up pro rata. It really is as simple as that and you have to stand up and make this happen now, before children come into the mix. Your split sounds roughly 60/40 so he should do 40% of the house stuff, not sit on his arse and play X box. You deserve leisure time too.

So make a list, and make sure his shit is on his 40% - and then don't do that part. He needs to learn, the hard way if necessary.

As one poster said you have 3 hours a day extra at home which is about 15 hours per week. What is this time for if you don’t have children

Because children are the only valid purpose in life?

I would imagine a good chunk of the 3 extra hours is walking their 2 high energy dogs.

OK then. Imagine that Partner A has 40 hours paid work, including commute, and partner B 20, and house chores take 12 hours.

Pro rata that means Partner A does 4 hours house chores and Partner B does 8.

Leaving aside the anality of such an arrangement, Partner A might feel a little miffed.

I guarantee you that the first night OP comes home after increasing her hours to match his to find no dinner cooked, no laundry clean, and him on the Xbox his response will be “I didn’t ask you to increase you hours, you wanted to, I never agreed to do more housework just because you want to work more”

This guy has no interest in fairness. He has interest in Xbox and little else.

It's no more unfair than unilaterally changing a mutually agreed arrangement.

It's certainly no way to conduct a successful relationship.

You work 30 hours a week, you’re a full time worker. It’s not as if you work part time and he works full time or you don’t work at all. What a selfish twat! Of course he should help with housework, in your situation it should be split 50:50 because you both work FT.

So if one person is in paid work for 60 hours a week and the other 30, chores should be equally split because they're both working FT?

Why?

That's a hypothetical example. The OP is in paid work only 15 hours less.

He is not a lovely husband .

Sort this out now or don’t have kids with him. Personally I’d be reconsidering the whole relationship .

If I ever have another partner (unlikely) I will not allow an xbox in the house. Under any circumstances.
ALL of the housework and the rest should not be your responsibility. If you are working less then fine do the lion's share of it but that does NOT mean everything.
The very fact that you are on here asking that means that you know something is wrong.

So when all the chores are done does he come iff his xbox and spend time with you?
I would be doing housework in the morning with a good breakfast,make sure I habe a decent lunch then if he wants more than a snavk in the evening he sorts it.
On line shopping.If payments impact only him dont remind him.Dont do his washing iunless you need things doing.Definatly dont iron.
And like everyone else dont have kids.

What do you get out of this relationship?.

He is not a lovely husband at all and how is he supportive of you anyway?. You have a very unequal relationship here and the only thing he is supporting is the weight of his xbox controller.

“The person who works fewer hours should do more housework “

This is only fair if the person who does more housework benefits from the income and the pension of the person who works more.

So not if they are flat mates. Or split bills 50:50. Or it’s his house. Or they are not married.

Otherwise his Work is benefitting only him. And her work is benefitting them both.

It’s always a “him” BTW. All the men who are SAHP / work part time are married AND make sure they get time off at weekends AND are hailed at saints by everyone they know. And of course their wives are eternally grateful for their sacrifice.

There no right or wrong you could say 2 adults 1/2 each or one is at home 3hours a day more so the other should do more. Think its what ever works for you . His free time to do house work is really weekends .
So he's going to be out 11 hours a day and spend some off his weekend doing house work. You have all weekend and at least 3 days with 3 hours more spare time.
with 2 adults in the house can't be a lot of house work/washing and could he do shopping online to take that off you.

If he sits on his arse while you’re doing house work then he’s a knob. If however it’s all done by the time he gets home from work they he’s not. Like others said, if you don’t like it up the working hours to the same as his and go 50/50 on the chores.

OP
He is not a nice husband.
He is not a good man.

He's a twat.
He's a waster.
He won't change.

By all means have children with this lazy waster.

But.

He will never pull his weight.

He will most likely become a bullying abusive person all because you want a relationship with someone who shares the load.

He won't.

I'd be long gone.

Real men don't play X Box/PS4 constantly.

Wasters do.

He takes the piss and you let him take the piss.
If you have more free time, of course you should do more housework, but not all of it.

He is a lovely supportive husband in every other way and makes me very happy, we have a great relationship
Yea right!
Shit always looks shiny from afar.....it's when you get up close and personal and see the gritty details that you recognise it for the shit it actually is.
Stop being his skivvy - you'll soon see his genuine colours.

We have no kids, I work usually 8-4 (5 minute commute!) and work from home sometimes. Partner works mon to friday6-6 and 6-12 on Saturday. I do mostly everything, deep clean, washing, cooking, lunches, food shop etc but he will wash up, take bins out etc, I don’t mind he does honestly work alot and help more when I ask and need it it I’ve had alot on. He does work more so it balances..... that’s just us