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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would you claim benefits if your partner won't give you access to money?

43 replies

worthlessperson · 12/07/2019 23:02

As the title says, would you claim as a single person in the same house, or even a different address (a relatives)?

If you you had limitations on when you could work due to having pre-school children to look after full-time then would you do it to pay for the basics and emergencies?

If it made you depressed and on edge, then could it be justified in these conditions?

OP posts:

PurpleWithRed · 12/07/2019 23:05

If my partner denied me access to money that I had a right to I would split with him and kick him out rather than make myself a criminal coming a benefit fraudster.

Original poster

worthlessperson · 12/07/2019 23:06

kick him out

The house is his

OP posts:

anothernotherone · 12/07/2019 23:09

Look up "partner" in the dictionary.

Realise the human adult you share living space with is not a partner.

Kick that human adult out or if you cannot make them leave, leave yourself with the kids.

Go through official channels to claim child maintenance. Claim benefits as a genuinely single parent until you get back on your feet and manage to support yourself with a job and childcare.

jessicawessica · 12/07/2019 23:10

You wouldn't be making yourself a criminal.
I "separated" from my DH and claimed benefits in my own name whilst living in the same house.
I had to stop doing anything for him. No cooking, cleaning, sleeping in separate rooms, etc.
I did it for about 3 months before I found somewhere else to move to. It was crap but I couldn't afford to move out before I had managed to get a deposit together.
It is legal to claim benefits this way but only if you are actually not together anymore.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/07/2019 23:11

And add to your problems by committing very fraud? Nope.

formerbabe · 12/07/2019 23:15

I'm very confused by your post.

You're either eligible for a benefit or you're not.

If you are eligible then claim it.

If you are not eligible, then don't claim it because that would be fraud.

Surely?!

Original poster

worthlessperson · 12/07/2019 23:17

I'm very confused by your post

I guess I was asking vaguely if I should do this to detach from the situation because I'm in a lot of pain, mentally.

I wanted to know if this could be justified in a desperate situation.

OP posts:

WinnieTheW0rm · 12/07/2019 23:18

If he is your partner, no you cannot claim

Financial abuse is a very good reason to end a relationship. Claiming as a single person wouid be fine

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/07/2019 23:20

Do you want to take steps to leave him OP? Your username is very sad to see and I’m sure it’s not true. You’ll get great support on here if you want to try and change your current situation

formerbabe · 12/07/2019 23:21

I think getting a criminal record for benefit fraud would make a bad situation worse.

I'm sure some other posters will be able to advise you on how to improve your situation legally and safely.

anothernotherone · 12/07/2019 23:21

Try calling the women's aid helpline 0808 2000 247

HeddaGarbled · 12/07/2019 23:22

That would be benefit fraud. You are highly likely to be caught and then your life would be even more shit than it is now.

Are the children his?

jessicawessica · 12/07/2019 23:22

If you are planning to leave/separate then it's fine but if you are claiming and staying as a couple then no.
I'm guessing he's stopping you accessing family money so you need to make a claim in your name only, stay and live separately until you find somewhere else, keep all finances separate.

JaniceBattersby · 12/07/2019 23:25

The court will not look on that as a defence. It might be mitigation but it won’t alter the fact that you could very well be convicted of benefit fraud.

newnamewhosthis · 12/07/2019 23:25

If you are planning on using the money as funding to escape this abusive relationship I personally wouldn't hold it against you

jessicawessica · 12/07/2019 23:30

You will not be convicted of benefit fraud.
I was married with 3 DCs. My DH was financially abusive. I ended up begging food from my family just to feed DCs.
I phoned the helpline who informed me that I could claim CTC but only if I stopped doing anything for DH....which I did. No cooking, laundry, buying food for myself and DCs only, sleeping in a separate room.
You need to phone the benefit advice line.

SarahAndQuack · 12/07/2019 23:31

Yes, you should absolutely get away from him. Once you do, it sounds as if you might be eligible for benefits. I don't think having children will qualify you for anything bar child benefit - obviously lots of people have children and have to work around that - but you could probably claim some of the money for childcare back if you worked (tax credits).

springydaff · 12/07/2019 23:39

Are you married?

Study you're going through this op. Contact your local Women's Aid to get some advice.

Please do it op. He doesn't have as much power over you as he thinks he does - or you think he does.

springydaff · 12/07/2019 23:40

Sorry not study

PickAChew · 12/07/2019 23:42

I'd leave the twat and go to CMS for money for the kids - and then be able to claim without compunction.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 12/07/2019 23:45

Hi OP. Welfare Rights worker here:
There's three basic kinds of benefits:

Contributions based benefits: These are paid on the basis of your national insurance record. They don't care about your income.
Benefits for a specific circumstance such as being disabled or being a carer. You don't need to have paid in NI for these and they aren't means tested.
Income based benefits: These are paid on the basis of low income. Unfortunately this means the income of your household, including Yr partner, whether he let's you have access to it or not.

Taking each catagory in turn: 1.If you've paid NI contributions in the last 2 or 3 years, it might be worth looking into whether you could get contributions based Employment and Support Allowance or Job Seekers Allowance. 2.You could also look into Child Benefit if your not already receiving it (be aware that the tax man can recoup this from your partner if he is a high earner), Personal Independance Payment if you have Care or mobility Needs Disability Living Allowance for any child who is disabled. And Carers Allowance if you are caring for someone with a disability.

Income based benefits are probably out for you at present. It has been known for people to split up and claim Income Based benefits as single person at the same address. This might happen if either partner is temporarily unable to move out.

I wouldn't recommend it however, as living with an ex is messy at the best of times and your situation sounds particularly bad. Judging when a relationship has ended is subjective and you may be opening yourself up to a fraud investigation. If you partner is keeping you deliberately short of money, I would suspect financial troubles are just the tip of a very shitty iceburg (a shit burg?). Keep posting on Mumsnet OP, there are some very wise women here. If you ask for the thread to be moved to Relationships I'm sure you will get excellent advice.

thespicegirlsplatformshoes · 13/07/2019 03:57

Leaving him would be the better option.

groundanchochillipowder · 13/07/2019 04:19

No, because it's a crime.

Soola · 13/07/2019 05:22

You must leave if your partner is causing you to suffer mentally and or physically, not just for your sake but for your children’s too.

If you are living as a couple but you pretend you’re not a couple and claim benefits the chances are you will be caught as he will tell on you or use it as leverage to manipulate you further.

Benefit crime is despicable, you’re already in hot water by the sound a if it so don’t make or any worse by breaking the law. Benefit crime is never justified whatever a person’s son story may be.

You can leave if you really want to.

ghostmouse · 13/07/2019 09:13

I did it and got caught. Worst thing I've ever done. I was desperate and in a very abusive relationship and mentally very vulnerable.

I paid it all back and narrowly avoided prison but I will never ever do that again.

Leave him. I wish I had so much sooner

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