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Original poster

Domestic incident social services follow up

62 replies

Westway16 · 11/07/2019 07:43

Can someone help me. I'm at my wits end. Iv secretly been seeing a guy for a short time now. My family knew of him at the start then made me finish with him as they just didn't like the sound of his past. I have a daughter and she's 10. Since I have been seeing him she has not been aware of this and has not been in contact with him. He has a child of his own who is in foster care. There is an ongoing case between him and the mother as their baby was hurt when it was born. I believed that he did not harm this baby but because social services involved I told him I didn't want him around my child until they got to the bottom of this case. He did something completely out of the blue yesterday evening. My daughter was at her grandmothers and he had been drinking. While I was asleep he took my company car without license and insurance and under the influence and was stopped by the police! The car was returned to me ok and he was taken into custody. Later that day when he was released he contacted me and I told him this had to end between us. He had broken the trust taking my car and I couldn't risk anything like this in the future. Last night he then showed up at my home calling and texting continuously, my daughter fast asleep, I panicked and called the police to get him to leave. They told me they would have to forward to gateway social services and now I'm worrying they will get involved in my child's life. Baring in mind she is oblivious to the relationship me and him were having but with his own son currently in care what is going to happen?? I feel like now I need to own up and tell family. Such a mess and I just don't want to see him ever again. Please help me.

OP posts:
MonkeyTrap · 11/07/2019 09:00

So potential harm to your car was where you drew the line? Not a newborn baby. Wtf.

GarakIsMySweetheart · 11/07/2019 09:04

Because, as the cars owner there is chance they will find out. Loads better for OP to be upfront about it

I realised that. I'd missed that I was a company car!

Passthecherrycoke · 11/07/2019 09:06

The police have said they won’t be informing the employer. It’ll be a lease car anyway so the owner will be the lease company. Depending on the type of lease the police might not even know who the leasee is without speaking to the lease company, and Why would they do that for an undamaged vehicle which has been reclaimed by the main driver?

CodenameVillanelle · 11/07/2019 09:08

Don't give men the benefit of the doubt when there is so much evidence that they are wrong'uns. You'll almost always be wrong and it's not worth the risk.

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 11/07/2019 09:10

There also a chance, if he decides he wants to hurt the Op that he could call them and tell them or even lie and tell them she allowed him to drive it. They look into it and find out this happened and she didnt say, it could open a can of worms.

In these situations, it's better to be honest. Work arent going to punish her because someone she trusted in her house took the car. But they may not be happy if they find out she hid it.

The point is that the OP, regarding the car hasnt dont anything wrong. But by hiding it, she probably is doing something wrong.

Wether its registered to the company itself, or leasing company her employer can and may find out. Bu several different route.

OP can do what she wants and she wont be reporting it. But, personally, I would always recommend being honest. Because often, it's the hiding of something that gets people in trouble.

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 11/07/2019 09:11

And as i said, theres a good chance that reporting this is in her terms and conditions with her employer.

Severnlurveheart · 11/07/2019 09:11

I had SS involvement after DV incident. The social worker will probably make contact by phone initially . If they are satisfied your daughter had no contact with this man then they will take no further action. The referral is just to make sure there are no child welfare concerns. Your daughter doesn't know the man exists and she hasn't been exposed to any arguments so you have nothing to worry about.

Passthecherrycoke · 11/07/2019 09:15

For me it would completely depend on my employer. If there was any chance they would sack me I would keep quiet. Last thing a single mum needs is to be sacked

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2019 09:18

I'm guessing your daughter was sleeping elsewhere as he'd have been in the house the night he stole your car.

Despite the red flags you've invited an unstable person into your lives. This man is dangerous, potentially hurt an infant and knows where you live, has been in your home, and knows a lot about you.

Work with social services. Clearly they will be concerned your child is now at risk, as may you, and potentially you both are.

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 11/07/2019 09:22

My employer is more likely to sack someone for hiding it, rather than what happened.

Wether we agree with the ops judgment or not, the keys were in her own house and she trusted that person to be in her house.

Just like I have to keep my laptop in my house and not leave it in my car dp is here all the time. Work dont tell me that I cant have people round. There is an assumption that if you trust them in your house, they can be trusted to be around company property.

No one is expectexed to hide their keys in their house. But lots would be expected to clear about what happened.

Since he will get done for driving under the influence and taking a vehicle without consent, then I would imagine the owner will find out.

If the car was your property, wouldnt you be expected to be told this happened, regardless of whether the car was damaged or not?

Passthecherrycoke · 11/07/2019 09:22

OP said her child was staying with granny the night of the car theft

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 11/07/2019 09:23

Oh and I am a single mum. I would be far more likely to keep my job if I told them myself.

Passthecherrycoke · 11/07/2019 09:24

Good for you. the point is, they are unlikely to find out, so it’s about your risk appetite and how much you want to risk that. Which may be lower for you than others

Workingmum16 · 11/07/2019 09:28

Yeah my mum and dad had my daughter the night he took my car. I had been at a concert that night and came back we had a few drinks (I don't drink excessively or take drugs of any kind), I just fell asleep as I was so tired from work that week. I woke in the middle of the night and noticed the car was gone. I phoned him when he was with the police. Police man spoke with me and confirmed he admitted taking it without my permission I was so worried as it may only be a ford fiesta but its a brand new car. Police informed he has admitted full responsibility I asked him why he took it he said just to run to the shop it was a moment of madness I still was absolutely livid. My employer is a private company I have worked for him for 7 years, they are the loveliest of people I know if I explained to them what happened they would be understanding however the police have reassured me I do not need to. I have enough on my plate withoiut causing any upset with my employer.

Yes I know there is flags that is why we were not in a serious relationship, I had my reservations I kept him away from my daughter, I ended it as soon as something major triggered me.

Everyone can point fingers life sometimes isn't so simple. We all make mistakes!

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 11/07/2019 09:33

@Passthecherrycoke what's your point? You cant say they definitely wont find out.

There is a chance they will find out. OP wont be telling them. But I wouldnt risk breaking the trust of my employer. I think it's a poor decision. You dont, great for you.

You were the one that made the OP relationship and parenting situation relevant to wether she should tell them or not. I merely pointed out that I am in the same situation, so understand her concern.

Again, I would imagine anyone who owns a car would be expected to be informed it had been stolen and driven by someone under the influence.

If OP doesnt want to speak up, that's fine, she just needs to know there possible consquences to that.

Workingmum16 · 11/07/2019 09:39

I'm not really worried about the car atm I'm more worried about my daughter. she's number 1 on my priorities right now.

bobstersmum · 11/07/2019 09:39

Why the hell do women let these types near their dc? As soon as you knew he had a child taken from him because it was harmed as a baby you should have blocked him and ran for the hills, please protect your daughter!

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 11/07/2019 10:04

@Workingmum16 your daughter should be your priorty. But just make sure you arent making poor decisions about the car and employer while you are emotionally distressed.

As I said, it entirely up to you and you are right to prioritise your daughter. I am just concerned you are setting yourself up for more problems down the line.

Passthecherrycoke · 11/07/2019 10:08

My point is give the car a rest already. op has a lot of deal with and has said the car isn’t her concern right now

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 11/07/2019 10:12

Why dont you give it a rest?

I do not keep going on at the OP. I asked her if she had told them. I was asked, why I would think she needs to tell them and been responding to peoples points.

If you dont want me to keep posting why I think it, stop replying to me. I am not telling the OP she absolutely must report it.

I am responding to you, because you discussing it.

picklemepopcorn · 11/07/2019 12:23

I don't agree with people suggesting OP took the threat to the car more seriously than that to her child.

OP knew the facts about his behaviour with the car, and proceeded accordingly.
Op didn't know the facts about his history with the child, so she protected her child until she knew more.

GarakIsMySweetheart · 11/07/2019 12:36

Why the hell do women let these types near their dc?

She didn't.

bobstersmum · 11/07/2019 12:38

No she didn't, but it was going that way wasn't it.

Workingmum16 · 11/07/2019 13:51

my daughter is 10 years old. She’s at an age where if someone comes into her life she will remember and for a few reasons I didn’t let them in each other’s company. That being 1 and the other was because of the drama going on with his own child. My gut never told me this was gonna work out forever. Suppose I believed his tears, and what his family had told me, maybe I was manipulated. Maybe I was gullible. He showed me absolutely no wrongs or harm until he took my car. The relationship is def over for good. Despite what some of you think I may come across bit easy at convincing but I’m a good mum and I love my daughter. If anything this has give me a lesson in life. Onwards and upwards!

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2019 13:55

He decided to go to the shops in the middle of the night? And you believed this and not he was stealing your car?

Op didn't know the facts about his history with the child, so she protected her child until she knew more

I think peoples point is, if there is a risk you're involved with thr sort of animal that would hurt an infant, and definetly the sort whose own child is being adopted out and in foster cate, then protecting your child is not inviting him into your life and home, irrelevant if the child is in the home at the time or not.

Many people do not see that as protecting your child.