I need new single female friends over 35. Where can I find them?

[DorothyParkersCat]

I am single and nearly 40. I'm a high earning professional with a demanding work life. I used to have a very busy social life but over time my friends have got married and had kids and have little time/inclination to involve me in their lives. I've really tried (proactive socially) but never get invited to couples dinner parties.

I have a handful of few single female friends but these have dwindled in number sadly due to cancer and bereavement and others moving abroad. I recently had a very bad experience where I got royally fucked over and betrayed by a woman who I thought was a friend but realised wasn't.

So I look around at my life and realise what I need is a new network of single women of my sort of age. I've volunteered for a long time but the demographic is women younger than me. I do lots of extra curricular work in my job but again the single women are so much younger than me that I feel like an aged creep even going for a drink with them.

Any suggestions of where to start or where to look?

I really have no idea where to begin. What I'd like is a few friends like me - who are my age bracket, single and have a reasonable disposable income (so I'm not buying friends - women who want to do the sort of things I want to do and can afford it)?

It feels like the whole world is married or in a couple and if they aren't they are so much younger than me.

I’m the same! Most of my friends with DC I hardly see anymore.

What kind of things do you enjoy doing?

I volunteered to do a charity event with a women's charity. Mine was open water swimming, which non of us had done before. That was last year & I've made some good friends through it. We're all mid 40's up to 60's. Easy no hassle friendships..We started a fb group where we post when we're swimming, or ask if anyones free. Always tea & cake afterwards. I know swimming isnt for everyone, but you may find something that you like. Hope this helps x

I'm in a very similar position, except I'm in quite a low income bracket so I am a bit limited as to how much I can afford to do. But joining the WI has been good for me, as has looking for childfree groups on Meetup. Really, the best thing I can suggest is working out what sorts of things you'd like to do, then finding local groups that do those things. You can be guaranteed to meet people with similar interests at least, but I wouldn't be so fast to rule people out because they're older or younger or have families. I know a lot of women do become subsumed by motherhood but you could find older ones whose children have grown up might be looking around for new friends because their old ones fell by the wayside when the kids were small.

I made a bunch of new friends at the gym. It's quite an expensive gym with tennis and a bar/cafe area. So other members are generally quite well off. Just got talking to regular faces from classes. Then when I upgraded to rackets membership got introduced to people to play tennis with.

Not sure why you are hung up on the age gap between yourself and younger single women. I have a lovely friend who is 71 (I'm 43) and we have some fabulous nights out.
I think Meet-up is probably a good one, or joining walking groups perhaps?

It's hard making friends as you get older! I tried everything - meetup, bumble, etc. I realised that it can't necessarily be forced. I think it depends on the kind of person you are - if you naturally are outgoing and bubbly it might be ok - if not these things take longer to nurture and grow into a friendship. Sure you might meet someone on Bumble friends and go for a coffee a few times but a real friendship occurs spontaneously, or can be more of a slow burn. I seemed to make more friends through my new place of work where I really got to know people over time. I'm not knocking the apps etc but I think it depends on how you get to know people and your personality.

@JontyDoggle37I was coming onto say exactly the same ladies circle has given me so many friends the whole point of it is friendship so you know everyone will want the same thing as you.

www.ladiescircle.co.uk/

I've just emailed my local Ladies Circle - I'd never heard of them before so thanks!!!

It's some time since I've been but I remembered that the more expensive wine tasting classes (Sothebys/Christies/Berry Brothers) type of courses) tend to be full of single women. My friend did this & took me to a few thinking that she would would meet wealthy men there but in fact it was wall to wall women with the same idea. This could be a good spot for you as they aren't cheap and the demographic will also be single women.

@hummusavocado friendship definitely can't be forced but the more people you meet the wider the net. And for me, I feel I pretty much click instantly with people or not. I met one of my really good friends on a mum's coffee morning when my baby was tiny - we only talked for 2 minutes but I knew instantly she was 'my kind of person' and emailed her after.

Agree with beansandcoffee running club is a good bet.

Also art group, shooting club, parish council. It depends what you’re interested in.

I think you need to get rid of the age range.

I have friends who are younger than your age range and friends who are a lot older.

I have a couple of close friends who are 10- 25 years younger than me

Me over here haha

I need some decent girl friends, boy friends get boring after the age of 30

The OP has said she already has younger friends, by the sounds of things because there are simply more younger single women in the circles she moves in. I don’t think it’s weird she’d like some closer in age and general situation. It’s just a life stage thing, sometimes it’s nice to spend time with friends who are going through similar things and some life events are age related. I’ve got friends who are 25 years older than me and some who are ten years younger, but that doesn’t mean I don’t also like having friends my own age, plus or minus about five years. I’m the same age as the OP and to be fair is we had friends 25 years younger they would be under 15.

Thank you for the suggestions.

@HarryElephante

What relevance is your income? Maybe its this attitude which prevents you from meeting people.

That's unnecessarily bitchy. The answer is two fold as I thought I'd made clear in my OP. First I want friends who I can do stuff with that I enjoy. I go to charity fundraisers often were tickets are anything between £100 - £500. I enjoy opera for example and stalls tickets are £200. I'd like friends to go away with for a weekend but I always stay in good hotels. I love fine wine and fine dining too. I don't want to go out for dinner in at Pizza Hut every time.

Second I am a generous person and have often paid for friends to come as my guest - but this become difficult over time. Friends start to feel uncomfortable about it. Sometimes I end up feeling like I am buying their company - paying for a friend to be a friend. My social circle has really dwindled so it would be nice to find people who would just want to come too and wouldn't be making a fuss about how it was too much money and they can't afford it.

@Oliversmumsarmy

I think you need to get rid of the age range.
I have friends who are younger than your age range and friends who are a lot older.
I have a couple of close friends who are 10- 25 years younger than me

I have friends who are younger but I find that they often want to go to different places and want to do different things. A simple example is that often they want to go to bars and places with the specific aim to meet men or to party hard.

I'm not interested in this but sometimes I do go and I end up feeling a bit sleazy about it. I feel in these situations that it looks a bit to the outside like I'm some old maid trying to use them to 'pull'. I heard someone say some really unpleasant things about a male colleague I know who is always going out drinking with a lot of younger men - about how he was a sad old goat trying to capture lost youth and they just put up with him. I get this is mostly my own self conciousness.

Now I am where I am - sort of starting again to try to recreate a new social circle, all of these things lead me to the view that as I'm rebuilding ideally I should be looking for people roughly the same age and life stage as me.

Some great suggestions here so thanks all

Meetup is always thrown up as the default answer but it depends HUGELY on where you live. And it's all very well people saying "you need to forget the age range thing" because that seems to very often count for a lot on Meetup.

I live in a town of 117,000 people and there is a city of 125,000 nine miles away (from centre to centre; if you include the actual areas of the two venues there's really only 5 miles between them. I just looked to see what Meetups there were within 10 miles of the town which would also include the Meetups in the city.

I'm a 45 year old male with a 9-5 job pretty much the only option for me is football, which I can't stand, on a Tuesday night (and I'm already busy on Tuedsays).

Of the other options, a third were for people over 50 and were generally either walking or meeting up for breakfast or lunch during the week - so no use if you work; a third were organised by the "20s and 30s get togethers"; the remaining third were for women only but most of those also specified either "30 and under" or "over 50s"..

I'm seperated and starting to find my feet (and free time). All my friends are coupled up. I also notice that because of my demanding job and my interests (outdoorsy stuff and lots of different hobbies) that I just don't have anyone around me to do things with. It feels very lonely at times. I have put myself out there at times and done things on my own hoping i would meet people and I didn't, which made me feel sad. I keep telling myself that that is normal, and that i will meet more like-minded people at some point.
I've joined a few FB groups - all womens specific ones. Still getting used to them and building up the courage to go to a few events. I do like the attitude in those groups - very positive.
I also joined a few new clubs and volunteer. Other members are totally not my "type" - older, mixed male, female, couples and singles, etc but i'm really enjoying these different conversations and view points.

Placemarking to read later as v relevant to me

Meet-up is always recommended. But I’d say a lot of the events (unless you’re london based) you’ll tend to meet quite transient types?

Maybe screen so the first event is very expensive to attend so you’re not with students or travellers or people looking for a “meet in a bar and spend less than £20” style night out?

Incidentally I’m a broke type and I actually agree it makes a whole lot of sense to socialise with those in your income bracket? I’m happy with my quality of life but if I hang out with people who are like “right let’s go do stuff at the last minute that costs £150 as it’s not a lot to me” I simply can’t keep up so it’s embarrassing all round? I don’t want to be paid for like Little Orphan Annie but equally I can’t expect them to agree to go to Tesco’s and get a £3 meal deal and a walk round the park.

Also, try looking at posh singles holidays for single travellers 30+ and 40+ ? The price point of entry means you’ll get quite well off types.

I live in London and I can’t find any decent meet up groups for women 40+ that aren’t trying to date. There’s a lot of groups but they have 2 members or no events or they just look weird! I’ve really searched hard

Also, try looking at posh singles holidays for single travellers 30+ and 40+ ? The price point of entry means you’ll get quite well off types.

Do these exist that aren't SINGLES (ie. dating) holidays? Where would you suggest?

I've found (and been on I several) expensive holidays for all comers (touring holidays - art, food and so on) but they tend to be peopled by elderly retired couples.

I've found singles holidays which are more 'dating' spirit - to find someone - which I'm really not interested in.

I read about Flash Pack which sounded great on paper but when I looked at their website it was all a bit too active/adventure type stuff and the accomodation wasn't the sort of places I'd stay.

Do you have any luxury single travellers group holidays recommendations?

I’ve done a Friendship Travel www.friendshiptravel.com/ holiday for skiing/snowboarding and it wasn’t at all like a dating holiday. I’ve done other chalet holidays as well aimed at single people and you get a lot of people whose partners don’t ski so it’s not all people looking to meet a partner. FT do other types as well, not sure if they’d have anything up your street. I think the key might be to pick something that is appealing to someone in a couple whose partner simply doesn’t want to do the same thing, and screen the company carefully to check they don’t market themselves as a de facto dating agency.

I would suggest Much Better Adventures who run amazing trips but perhaps more active than you are looking for!

These people sound like it’s not all white water rafting: www.explore.co.uk/experiences/holidays-for-solo-travellers/solo-holidays-over-30

Some ideas here:
www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/tours/trips-for-single-travellers-solo-travel/amp/
And here:
amp.theguardian.com/travel/2018/jun/30/20-best-trips-solo-travellers-travel-alone-froup-trips-worldwide

Learning holidays:
www.golearnto.com/singles-holidays

These people if you fancy Colombia:
otherwayround.travel/9-myths-about-small-group-tours-30s-40s/

I associate them with older people but perhaps not on solo tours?:
www.vjv.com/solo-groups/?infinity=ict2~net~gaw~ar~275874636363~kw~luxury%20holidays%20for%20solo%20travellers~mt~e~cmp~Generic_Solo_Groups_Exact~ag~Single+Travellers+-+Holidays&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIn6ez5Ie44wIVBLDtCh0muguEEAAYAiAAEgKelPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I think the other reason they tend to be ‘doing’ holidays is that it gives you something to talk about. Safari holidays are expensive, relaxing and require no physical activity and often have lovely accommodation, so might be worth a look if they come up on any of the links above, although personally two or three nights is about my limit!

Placemarking to come back to when not so late!

Ah- I was going to say flash pack that’s my personal list of things to do when I’ve paid off my mortgage but that’s off your list (they are quite clear that they specifically aren’t “dating” and dissuade older coupley SAGA types so might be worth a second look? )

Like op said it’s often easier to meet people if you’re doing stuff than just eating or drinking together? A bit of teamwork helps bond.

What about women’s networking events connected with your work or joining one of the posh women’s clubs in London? (Lots both old and new) Can’t remember if you’re london based but could make a weekend of going to one, staying in their rooms and seeing who you bump into.

I think a further problem with things like meet up or holidays or even networking events is that to make good friends you need to see people regularly. This is why it is easier to make friends at school, university or at work. Going to more sporadic things is a way to make acquaintances not friends.

I might look into doing some courses now you've said that. I'm not a running sporty person so a sports club is out for me.