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Relationships

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Money

68 replies

Pomo81 · 09/07/2019 19:10

Would it bother you if your dh paid for stuff for a woman he works with? Not talking anything major, a coffee, chocolate etc but when he doesn't do that for anyone else, just her even though she apparently offers him the money

OP posts:
Pomo81 · 17/07/2019 19:26

If it is all I've said so far would you still class it as an emotional affair?

I don't know if he deletes texts, I've only seen what I've said.

He put his wallet down on the counter today and a token from the ibiza event fell out. I know he wasn't there cause he was with me so I asked about it and he said she brought it back for him so I asked why he was carrying it around with him in his wallet and he had no answer. Does it say something that he carries something from her in his wallet?

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 17/07/2019 20:04

We've all told you our opinions that he's having an emotional affair with another woman and each new post you make is a further nail in the coffin. Where's your anger? Where is the line in the sand for you? If it were me I'd have ended it

Senoritaforever · 17/07/2019 20:25

I do think it’s odd that she gave him a token from Ibiza and he is carrying it in his wallet, on both their parts. It’s like their special connection.

Blondiejay24 · 17/07/2019 20:47

That’s just weird.. it’s a reminder for him of her. I’m sorry if it’s not what you were wanting to hear. But he sounds like he’s emotionally involved with her. It’s not normal for a married man to do that.

HarryElephante · 17/07/2019 20:51

What are your thoughts, Pomo?

MsDogLady · 18/07/2019 05:07

So they have resumed their Emotional Affair.

You are still questioning every incident while living in denial about the big picture. The truth is they have strong feelings for each other, beyond friendship. You continue to collude with him to minimize.

When you began your other thread in March, it was established that they were attracted to one another. They were sharing food, playing pranks, confiding personal info, and texting outside work. He missed meetings due to being distracted by chatting to her. He admitted telling her confidential office business. Things were escalating.

*He held her hand (initiated by him). This was 2 months before your wedding.

*She told him that she needed to stay away from him because she was attracted, they were not just friends, and he was not single.

*He went into a mood at home and began to obsessively stalk her on 3 social media sites.

*In May she unfollowed him and he messaged her to ask why. She responded that she didn’t want to see his wedding photos and to leave her alone.

Now they are back in contact and he is still constantly checking her SM. He lies that it is only friendship. They exchanged messages while she was abroad, and she brought him a gift and a token, which he is keeping in his wallet.

Do you really need to ask if that means something?

You were previously advised to postpone or cancel your wedding, but you wouldn’t listen. Wake up. They have resumed their EA.

AlexaAmbidextra · 18/07/2019 15:44

Today he's come from work with a tshirt from an event he didn't go to. She went to an ibiza classics festival and brought him back a t shirt he didn't ask for,

He’s not even trying to hide it is he? He’s rubbing your face in it because he knows you won’t do anything. Anyway, I thought she wanted to keep away from him? That didn’t last long did it? I feel for you but you need to face the reality.

Pomo81 · 18/07/2019 17:00

He said his wallet was a good place for it or he'd lose it really innocently

I asked to see his phone and there's no x rated stuff, just conversational. One thing that was weird was two texts were while they were in the same building

OP posts:
Pomo81 · 18/07/2019 17:04

You're right, she was going to keep away from him. I still think he genuinely believes he's doing nothing because it's not physical and does love me

I don't know if he's lying to himself

If nothing else, I don't think he gets that it's wrong to care as much as he seems to and be attracted to them

OP posts:
LemonTT · 18/07/2019 17:09

Op you are still looking at everything in isolation and as a discrete act. The bigger picture is obvious and at its most innocent is bad. It is made worse because he denies it all and that means you have no chance to stop it or nip it in the bud.

If he prioritised you and his love for you, then your opinion would matter. This situation is being driven by them, your husband and this other woman. You are powerless and irrelevant to what they want to do.

That is why this is not right. It’s not a friendship. I speak as someone who is avowedly “cool wife” when it comes to this type of thing.

I don’t mind DP having close friends who are women because I know my opinion matters more to him than anyone else’s.

Jon65 · 18/07/2019 17:13

He hasn't got your back has he, he's too busy watching hers.

Lawnmowingsucks · 18/07/2019 17:26

I don't think he gets that it's wrong to care as much as he seems to

The bottom line is simple

You have said it makes you unhappy

He doesn't care, he tries to explain it away and he carries on regardless of how you feel

He doesn't love you

End of

AlexaAmbidextra · 18/07/2019 17:43

I don't think he gets that it's wrong to care as much as he seems to

Oh he gets it. But firstly, he’s married to you so he absolutely shouldn’t care this much about another woman. Secondly, he cares about her so much that he simply doesn’t care what he’s doing to you. I say this gently but did you believe that once you were married things would change?

Stop painting him as some naive fool that doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s selfish and uncaring and taking you for an idiot while doing exactly as he pleases.

Blondiejay24 · 18/07/2019 18:56

He’d lose it? My my.. how would he cope losing a piece of paper? That’s what I would say. I wouldn’t let it rest personally. It’s just a bit too close for comfort, and he doesn’t seem to get that. A text, once in a while, how are you etc. But even that, he sees her frequently at work I assume so he’s no need to text her. I don’t know your relationship, but it wouldn’t sit well with me if he text her more than he text his own wife.

Pomo81 · 18/07/2019 19:33

He definitely texts me more. The token is like a flatter coin thing rather than paper

He just doesn't get why I have such a problem as he's not going to do anything about it

OP posts:
LionelMessy · 18/07/2019 21:57

Folk being a bit harsh on OP.
She is asking for opinions - but, are a few folk replying angry because their own relationships are a mess?

Her partner isn't secretive and trying to hide the connection with other woman, so that's a positive.

Issue for me is that if OP clearly says to him she not comfortable with his relationship with this OW, then he ought pull back a bit ( a lot ).
If not, then it's a potential problem for sure.

AlexaAmbidextra · 18/07/2019 22:37

LionelMessy. I don’t think people are necessarily being harsh but this situation has been ongoing for some months during which time OP has married this man while knowing about his relationship with his work colleague. I don’t think the fact that her DH isn’t hiding the situation is anything positive. IMO he is so besotted with this OW that his feelings for her take precedence over the hurt he’s causing OP, his wife and the mother of his child. I feel very sorry for OP as I think he’s a selfish, faithless shit. She just can’t or won’t see it. ☹️ Sorry for talking about you like this OP. I’m angry on your behalf.

Lawnmowingsucks · 19/07/2019 04:57

Issue for me is that if OP clearly says to him she not comfortable with his relationship with this OW, then he ought pull back a bit ( a lot ).
If not, then it's a potential problem for sure.

Exactly

Does someone love you if you say x makes me sad and they continue to do x? Maybe my idea of love is wrong? But for me I'd be wondering what he feels for me if my expressed unhappiness is ignored

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