Money

[Pomo81]

Would it bother you if your dh paid for stuff for a woman he works with? Not talking anything major, a coffee, chocolate etc but when he doesn't do that for anyone else, just her even though she apparently offers him the money

There is no doubt he developed feelings for her, be they superficial or not.

If he won’t admit that then you can’t move on as a couple. It also falls to you to accept the truth here even if he will not admit it. Because you cannot live in a state of jealousy and suspicion.

When I was a trading floor assistant the guys on the desk always used to buy me coffee, lunch and small gifts from business trips like chocolates. They were making on average 10 times my salary and it was a thoughtful appreciation of my work. So in some industries it wouldn’t be uncommon. What’s weird is the texting, that would really bother me.

Scorpiovenus, she does work. She works with him

He still says it's nothing now. But he was looking at her social media while we were in France a few weeks ago too, every day, every new thing she'd post

Change your status on social media to single and see if your husband even notices-then you'll have an answer

We don't have our relationship status on social media but interesting suggestion!

Yeah, it is a no no.
I mean, buying in a group setting is much different than to go just with one person and treat that person. Also to receive personal message about it later on.

What kind of work is he working in? The american big structures would really work like that but others not really. It depends lso of the company culture.

It's not that kind of buddy buddy environment that that's the culture and given previous context, she's the last person he should be buying anything for even a little thing

@Pomo81 how do you know he was checking her social media so much? Sounds like you are on edge looking and checking because you feel so uneasy about this. I really thing you need to have a frank conversation with him

Sorry its not directly related to the money issue but it is related to her

Today he's come from work with a tshirt from an event he didn't go to. She went to an ibiza classics festival and brought him back a t shirt he didn't ask for, she just knows he likes. I've said it's over stepping, he insists she's just being friendly but she also didn't do it for anyone else

She probably felt the T-shirt was to pay back for some of the coffees.
Seriously, it would mean nothing in my circles.

Have you read the summary pp did of my other thread and still think the same?

If that summary is accurate then imo you have.a DH who is having an emotional affair and who wants more than that

Tell him the T-shirt will keep him warm sleeping on the sofa or in the doghouse

Why do you say wants more than that? Could it not be an ego boost (not that that's great)

I say 'wants more than an emotional affair' because it's been going on for so long. The question really is ....why are you happy to put up with it?

Definitely an emotional affair. Sorry, OP.
You can play it 3 ways: bury your head, confront him, or give him a dose of his own fucking medicine and start buying coffees and having long, texting conversations with an attractive male colleague you know.
From what you've said, your not-so DH seems infatuated.

@Lifeisabeach09 what you said!

He said again that they are just friendly, nothing more. I asked if there was anything I didn't know and he said she text him from the ibiza event and he replied but that was it. He does not get that if there's an attraction, it does matter cause its not like you're just mates even when you are

If it upsets you so much (with due cause it sounds) and he continues then you are within your rights to not be happy and feel insecure. He needs to put your feelings first here x

He said again that they are just friendly, nothing more

But you are choosing to believe him and therefore enable his affair

Does he delete the texts? I think if it was me, and I didn’t trust him based on previous events. I would want reassurance. If he’s nothing to hide, showing you the texts wouldn’t be a problem. He might be telling the truth and you will know EXACTLY what type of relationship he has with her if he’s able to show you the texts. Then you can put it to bed. It’s a bit weird having her as a ‘friend’ based on the past.

It wouldn’t bother me, I have one colleague who I also consider a friend, we went out for lunch today (I paid), I also bought her a Aristocats (not sure how to spell it) hoodie last week that I knew she would like. It’s just what friends do.

@SimonJT OP has already explained that he has a past with this women he is calling a friend.

They are having an emotional affair. They may also be having a physical affair.
You need to decide how much you are willing to accept.