Advice to get husband to help with cleaning?

[Popz]

Hi everyone, I'm hoping I can get some advice! My husband and I both work at the same company, and travel together, so we are both out of the house for the same amount of time.

I wake up at 5am to get ready, clean the bathroom, make the sandwiches and get breakfast ready, and then tidy the kitchen once everyone's eaten, make the beds once husbands up, then leave the house at 6. My husband wakes up at 5.55 and just gets his clothes on, eats breakfast and leaves. In the evening I cook while he relaxes, hoover the house while dinners cooking, and tidy the bedrooms, dust etc and put on the washing.

I've asked for help but he just says it's my choice to wake up early, and to do the tidying in the evening, and he doesn't care if the house is untidy/smelly/a pigsty.

His family home is like a horders dream, theyve never hoovered, they do the washing up once every two weeks, you can't even see the floor due to stuff, and the bathrooms are covered in a layer of dust. So I understand why he doesn't see cleaning as important as his family never did anything!

We don't currently have any children but are hoping to start a family in the next few years, and I'd like to get the cleaning issue resolved before then? I don't really want to just stop, but I also feel a bit taken for granted that I do literally everything with regards to the house, and he just expects it.

Does anyone have any advice? At my wit's end!

Stop doing anything for him.

And don't have children with him unless you are willing and happy to be the one doing everything for them and the house.

He's not likely to change.

Completely agree with @Aquamarine1029

Oh for the love of fuck!

Why do women tolerate this crap?!

Op strongly suggest you read this thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3632597-What-to-do-about-DH

And frankly you're in an even worse position because yours has NEVER been expected to pull his weight or to take pride in a clean and tidy home.

I would strongly advise you ditch the lazy loser ASAP and DON'T have kids with him!

This guy will not change and even if you have kids then separate in all likelihood if he does have contact (unlikely) then that will mean you having to tolerate them going to his unhygienic place! If they inherit your allergy issues that could well put them at risk.

Avoid the heartache and walk away now.

What is he doing when he relaxes? Try unplugging the TV & internet... maybe he'll be bored enough to clean!
But really, if he is online/watching TV instead of helping you, try seeing if he'll agree to no screen time in the evenings. No one person can compete against everything on the internet!

He won't change. Because he doesn't care.

Not necessarily about you, OP, he probably thinks he loves you. But he doesn't care if he lives up to his armpits in shit. You are the one who wants a nice house, therefore in his eyes, you have to be the one to make it so. It's like living with a man who only eats beans on toast and trying to make him cook nice meals for you both.

Been there, done that, even to the extent of leaving stuff (and then having to do twice as much to try to catch up to normal standards). They can wait you out, because they just aren't bothered.

If he really loves you, he might be prepared to try to raise his standards, but I wouldn't hold your breath.

The thing is, if he genuinely doesn't mind living in a sty, the conversation needs to be whether he loves sitting on his arse more than he loves you. Because that's what it comes down too. You're married, you have allergies, he should want to help because it makes you feel better. If he doesn't, it's not just that his standards are lower, it's that he doesn't care enough about you to put you before himself.

And why would you want to stay married to someone who doesn't love you enough to run the Hoover round?

You’re more worried about what is economical than teaching your manbaby that he’s an adult who has to clean up after himself?!

Come on honey. You sound like you’re in full Stockholm syndrome. You only do your washing, unless you go through 5 outfits a day that only means washing machine on once for you every 2-3 days. Cook your own meals or have a rota. Explain to him that he lives here too, you’re not a housewife, and this will make or break things for you.

Or prepare to become his surrogate mother for the rest of your life.

Do not have children with this man.

You’ve asked him and he’s refused.
He doesn’t care that you’re doing stuff that benefits him whilst he only does things that benefit himself.
If you have children, he’ll be the same and will continue to do only what benefits him while you run yourself into the ground trying to do everything for your children and partner by yourself.
The signs are there already.

Yes, this bit doesn't make sense, that separating washing would mean running the washing machine twice when it could be done in one load - no, it just means that you wait longer before you do your next wash. I would guess you have enough clothes to be able to fill a washing machine and still have at least one outfit to wear? If you can, try doing it all at a low temperature and use a germ-killing conditioner so that you don't have as many different types of load to put on.

Get your self up and make your own breakfast. Make your lunch while you make evening dinner.
The time it takes you to do things for him in morning, you could have a wash on and floors hovered, they cant get that bad with only 2 of you do it every other day if you must.
Keep things clean as you go, I cant understand how it take 1.5 hours to clean a day with only 2 people.
If you feel this bad about him I wouldnt want children with him or it will really get you down.
Bulk cook bolognese sauce lasagne and spaghetti bol there is 2 meals in 1 night for the week. Do a chicken, a chicken dinner and next day a chicken salad or curry.

He wants a maid that he can have sex with. Is this how you want to spend your life? He’s a slob.

He is a poor partner to live with and all the evidence suggests he will be a poor father and partner to you as a mother.

Domestic work multiplies hugely with DC, with less time to do it. Much of parenting is domestic and admin work too.

In the short term, stop cooking and doing laundry for him, and get a cleaner.

Then consider whether you want a future with someone so sexist and unwilling to do his fair share.

Also, men like this are unlikely to make compromises in their working life when they become a parent, so if you stay with him you are v likely to experience career and earnings detriment too.