Emotionally unavailable man

[clpsmum]

In such a predicament! I'm with an emotionally unavailable man and I know I should end it but really don't want to. He means more to me than I do to him. Do I just accept he's no good at talking and expressing his feelings or do I move on?

Move on now and away from this man for your sake and emotional well being.

Why do you not want to end it with him?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Was your dad emotionally unavailable too?

No my family aren't emotionally unavailable. I don't want to end it because I really care about him a lot and he's so great in other ways. I just feel really confused atm tbh

Been there, done that. It hurts like hell. And it will hurt even more the longer it carries on. I found therapy/counselling really helped during my 'relationship' with an emotionally unavailable man. Maybe try that?

@toffeeapple123 are you still together? Did it ever change?

Move on. Especially if you already accept that he is emotionally unavailable. It took me years to accept that he would never change and the pain I went through was unbelievable. I loved him and didn’t want to leave him, despite my closest friends telling me exactly what pp have stated. I was even readings MN posts where exactly the same question had been asked and the advice has always been consistent. Try (and it’s hard I know) to not fall into the trap of thinking your relationship with him is different

I do sometimes wonder whether they’re emotionally unavailable - as in boiling with complex emotions they don’t have the capacity to express - or are generally just thinking about Top Gear or what’s in the fridge. Maybe he isn’t very complicated.

Interesting question @Houseofmirth66, I never really found out for sure, but I’d lean towards the latter together with low emotional intelligence

No it never changed. It rarely does. And he ruined my self confidence. Regret not leaving earlier.

OP, I commented on your other thread. He recently grieved during the 4th anniversary of his late wife’s death.

After a year+ of dating, he is unable or unwilling to meet your emotional needs. You don’t feel that you are an important part of his life, and the relationship seems imbalanced. He has no photos of you. He has made plans for a fun weekend with friends, including their wives/girlfriends, but you are excluded. You don’t think it even crossed his mind to include you.

You deserve to be with a man who is consistently emotionally engaged and supportive...and whose expectations are in synch with yours.

@MsDogLady it's just so hard! No fun being an adult sometimes. I know it has to end I just wish it were easy

OP have you read 'mr unavailable and the fallback girl'? It might help. The author runs the blog baggage reclaim, lots of good advice.

Also. Post male syndrome. Another good blog

@supercali77 no I haven't read it but I'll head over to Amazon right now thanks

I accepted it, we've been together for 35yrs, can't say it's been easy.

He isn’t emotionally unavailable. He just doesn’t like you the way you like him

stop overthinking this. You said yourself that you’re more into him. If he wanted you he’d make it work. But he isn’t.

Why on Earth would you do that to yourself? My grandmother said that nasty men attract love from women, probably because we are brought up thinking that if we are good/nice/understanding/caring/loving we will change a person.

...it doesn’t work like that, people like this do not need to be saved or changed, just left alone.

Hes not emotionally unavailable. Hes just not the right guy for you, and you arent the right woman for him. You can't change that, so move on x

I think being accused of being emotionally unavailable is the last bastion of the needy I need reassurance woman.

I am emotionally unavailable. It's very simple actually, the reason being is that I don't really care that much. I can take it or leave it. If whatever's going on is enjoyable I'll go with it but the second it starts being complicated I can't be arsed.

Does that help?

Some of the previous posters don’t get it - some men really are emotionally unavailable to all women and it won’t ever change.

I’ve dated and been with many EA men who go through countless women and are still single well into their 30/40/50s.

If this guy is still grieving his previous partner then he doesn't sound like he's always been emotionally unavailable. I think it's just a case, OP, of the two of you not being suited. I know it's hard but you need to stop holding on to false hope and let him go.

You'll never find Mr Right while you're clinging onto Mr Wrong!

Think it’s more timing than OP not being the right fit for this guy. Let’s stop making it about her. It isn’t. It’s him.

I do sometimes wonder whether they’re emotionally unavailable or are generally just thinking about Top Gear or what’s in the fridge. Maybe he isn’t very complicated.

This describes my man perfectly! He's totally uncomplicated and some would probably describe him as emotionally unavailable but as I don't know whether I'll ever want to be emotionally committed to a man again after what ExH put me through, it suits me just fine. He's reliable, dependable and cares for me and that's all I need right now.

If you want more than this from your man then maybe he isn't the one for you as you should never try to change a person IMO, it rarely goes well...

@SwishSwishSheesh what a horrible post. You sound just lovely. Luckily he's not like that at all. He cares about me a lot we just are at different stages and due to his circumstances finds it difficult to talk about his emotions

Thanks everyone for the nice posts. Think you have some good points. We are both at different places in our lives and this relationship isn't going to work for either of us. Sure we will remain good friends and hopefully both meet people we can be happy with down the line