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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would this upset you?

38 replies

1206Louise1 · 07/07/2019 19:44

My husband and I are doing on holiday in a couple of months and we were taking about starting a diet/losing a bit of weight before we go etc. Then he turned around and said "I'll give you £250 if you lose a stone before we go." He couldn't understand why I refused his 'challenge' and why I was offended. He said he was just giving me an incentive but I think this means he's ashamed of how I look now. I'm probably a stone and half overweight but I take care of myself and work out and don't think I look terrible...maybe I'm wrong 🤷‍♀️. Would anyone else be offended if your partner said this to you?

OP posts:
EyesOpenWide · 07/07/2019 19:46

In the context you’ve given of the chat you were having, I think this was his clumsy attempt to encourage you.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2019 19:47

Is he normally a kind and supportive person? If he is, I think he is being honest that he was just trying to give you a fun incentive to stick to your weight loss plan. If so, then yes, you are being overly sensitive.

TokenGinger · 07/07/2019 19:52

I'd be thrilled if DP said this. I love that my DP and I can be honest enough to mention if the other is overindulging of if they could shift a few pounds. If he incentivised me with money for a new wardrobe before holiday, I'd be thrilled.

Original poster
1206Louise1 · 07/07/2019 19:52

Thanks for replying. He's very supportive and rarely comments on my weight, I just felt a bit taken back when he said it. Maybe I'm being over sensitive. Thanks.

OP posts:
VictoriaBun · 07/07/2019 19:54

Should have replied ' £400 and I'll shake your hand !'

BobTheFishermansWife · 07/07/2019 19:55

I'd take the challenge and get the money! I think he was trying to be nice in a clumsy way. Have a lovely holiday.

MeowTseTung · 07/07/2019 19:55

Maybe a financial incentive was a tiny bit ill judged but bar that, I think his heart was in the right place.

cavalier · 07/07/2019 19:56

Take up the challenge ... he’s your hubby ;0)
He wants to spoil you 👍

Nofunkingworriesmate · 07/07/2019 19:56

In the context of the conversation I would not be offended if he normally makes you feel loved as you are

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 07/07/2019 19:57

As he's your husband, shouldn't the money he would give you be your money in the first place?

ElspethFlashman · 07/07/2019 19:58

I think since you were actually talking about dieting for the holiday at the time, it was in context.

Tbh I'd have said "Done!". And it would be a big incentive for me. 250 quid spending money on holiday AND a stone off? Happy days!

BumbleBeee69 · 07/07/2019 19:58

tell him to give you £250 for half a half stone lost. Flowers

BumbleBeee69 · 07/07/2019 19:59

Half a stone EVEN Hmm

notacooldad · 07/07/2019 20:07

Win your place i would have snapped his hand off and put my trainers on and headed down to the gym!!

Would I heck be offended!

notacooldad · 07/07/2019 20:09

I meant ' in ' your place!

RagingWhoreBag · 07/07/2019 20:12

I'd have been a bit hurt I must say. Its one thing saying "lets both lose some weight for the holiday" but quite another offering you money to do it.

Seems like a poorly judged but well-meaning incentive, but I'd feel he was a bit too keen for me to lose the weight if he was willing to put £250 behind it. If my DP had £250 spare to give me for holiday spends I would feel very offended if I had to perform miracles tricks to get it!!

ConfCall · 07/07/2019 20:26

I find it patronising OP and can see why you’re asking the question on here. Seems like he’s tired of you discussing your weight but doing nothing about it. Reminds me of the time my mum offered me a tenner to tidy my bedroom when I was a teen, she was so sick of the state of it. I don’t think that adult relatives should be offering cash incentives to one another, it’s a bit odd. Not seriously bad, just odd.

Original poster
1206Louise1 · 07/07/2019 20:39

@MonkeyToesOfDoom that's not really what I was asking for advice on....but since you asked....we both have our wages paid into one account, once the bills are paid, we split what's left between us. We both like having our own money to spend how we like, it's suits us both and we both feel its fair. So he meant he would give me £250 of 'his' money.

OP posts:
Original poster
1206Louise1 · 07/07/2019 20:42

Thanks for replying everyone. I was just curious as to whether my feelings were valid or not as I'm a bit of an over thinker. I think he meant well but it was a bit shallow of him.

OP posts:
ExtraFox19 · 07/07/2019 20:44

I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either.

fedup21 · 07/07/2019 20:46

I’d love this to be honest!

LizzieSiddal · 07/07/2019 20:50

I agree with most of the others. As you’ve been talking about losing weight, i wouldn’t be offended at all.

Maybe you accept his offer, then offer him £200 if he loses a stone and a half.Wink

MumGoneCrazy · 07/07/2019 20:52

Deal, bring it on Grin
£250 to buy new holiday and summer clothes with for my new body shape.

DH's mates bet him £50 he couldn't lose a stone in 2 months, it was hard as it was over xmas and new year but he did it.

georgialondon · 07/07/2019 20:56

I'd love that

poglets · 07/07/2019 21:48

If he didn't intend it in a nasty way then I would do as @VictoriaBun suggests and take him up on it.

Only you know if he meant to upset or not.

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