Would this upset you?

[1206Louise1]

My husband and I are doing on holiday in a couple of months and we were taking about starting a diet/losing a bit of weight before we go etc. Then he turned around and said "I'll give you £250 if you lose a stone before we go." He couldn't understand why I refused his 'challenge' and why I was offended. He said he was just giving me an incentive but I think this means he's ashamed of how I look now. I'm probably a stone and half overweight but I take care of myself and work out and don't think I look terrible...maybe I'm wrong 🤷‍♀️. Would anyone else be offended if your partner said this to you?

Sounds a bit crass really, but my thought is mostly, how can your husband give you £250? It's your money too! Anyway, losing that much that quickly is a bit of an ask. Rather than fixating on a number, try to look on it as both getting fitter together?

I’m quite competitive and would love the chance to treat myself! So l would be up for it. But my willpower is poor and my appetite is generous so l would probably fail

@RedSheep73 as explained earlier, we have our own money. We both work full time, we both like being independent and are happy with this.

It was in the context of the conversation and you were discussing losing weight. He offered a further incentive.

Do it. It is not much to lose per month. Totally achievable. You already said youre fit and active ao it is purely portion sizes. Possibly snacking. Drink plenty of water and aim for the new holiday wardrobe!

I’d quite like that.

The point is, you were both talking about needing/wanting to lose a bit of weight for the holiday - as equally. And then suddenly he was offering you a financial incentive which clearly twisted the dynamic to you being the one who needs to lose weight and him being the judge and rewarded.

Not ok.

• As equals

*rewarder (bloody autocorrect!)

Well if he also needs to lose weight I'd say what a cf!

I think he was just trying to encourage you. I wish my DH would make that kind of offer .

Yes. AtrociousCircumstance articulated really well how I’d feel about it. He’s turned something that could have been about you both jointly making an effort and supporting each other, into you making an effort and him judging whether you’ve done enough and rewarding you with cash (presumably because he gets something out of you winning it too - ie a hotter wife)

You’re overthinking it. He meant well. Some husbands can’t win- support their wives in losing weight or offer another bowl of ice cream, they are wrong either way. But it’s easy to be sensitive about weight op especially with holidays.

Ok turn it back on him. How much does he have to lose? Bith put in £200. Say if you get to ond stone before he gets to 2 stone before the holiday winner takes all.