Is my boyfriend stonewalling me or is it over?

[veryconfusedtoday]

Only been with my boyfriend a couple of months, everything was very intense at the start. Said "I love you" very quickly, we thought we'd both found our soulmate, had never felt this way before etc, all just very fast and very intense and that is not like me at all.

Anyways my boyfriend knew I had some issues with mental health and alcohol from the off, I am trying to get help for my alcohol issue but have not been managing very well. I gave him so many outs at the beginning and told him this wasn't a good time to be starting a relationship but he was adamant he wanted to be there.

So this week, I ended up breaking up with him so I could cancel our plans and go get drunk which I know is awful. He was understanding and wished me well. The next day I woke up hungover, depressed and regretful. I text him and apologised and said I regretted my decision. But I think I've completely ruined it.

He responds but barely, he text me the day after i broke up with him and said "I love you" then when I responded he ignored me.

So I left it another day then I text telling him I don't want to bug him but I'd like to know if he wants to see me again rather than to be kept in this limbo, he just replied "you never bug me". So again I asked where we stand and he said, "see to be honest right you can say you didn't mean it the next day but that doesn't take back how it made me feel at the time." I apologised again and he said, "yeah just give me a bit of time to think" so I said okay you won't hear from me again, if you want to get in touch you know where I am?

Have I totally ruined it? Is he making me sweat or is he over it? I have asked him to tell me multiple times if it's over and he just always avoids the question. How long should I wait before assuming it's over?

I won't contact him again, I've deleted his number and our chats. I'm trying to just go about my life like I normally would and distract myself, it's just torture though.

You got a response based on what you posted. Of course it was going to be different

Putting the two threads together just highlights how ill advised the relationship is between you both.

Focus on you then think about a relationship.

Yes he's the bad guy and you're the victim - happy now?

@veryconfusedtoday your game playing is appalling.

Yes, surprise, if you post two threads where one describes your terrible behavior, and the other describes his terrible behavior, then obviously you'll get different responses.

The truth is you're one of those dreadful, massively boring, self centered alcoholics who absolutely LOVES having as much drama as possible in her life and then makes sure to moan her face off to anyone who will listen, just me me me me me every fucking second.

You're a total mess.
Hes a total mess.
After that other thread why are you still with him?

Please dont get pregnant and then ruin some poor child's life by making it into a new drama factory that you can use to make everything about you for the next 18 years.

Get out of this relationship and into treatment. You're an absolute hazard to yourself and others.

The fact remains - neither of you are right for the other. And you clearly do have serious issues to have ever gone back to him in the first place.
You agreed with everyone on that thread and made out you had seen the light.

Double up on your contraception is my last piece of advice.

Your poor daughter.

Do you see how manipulative you are?

The other thread you have posted is complete bullshit. Youre looking for reasons to feel hard done by because it will justify your drinking.

You will learn as you go through recovery that you have been subconsciously setting up situations that enable you to feel sorryfor yourself and life is shit and I can't deal with this and use it an excuse to drink.
You will continue to manipulate situations until you learn to live without drink because that is what alcoholics do. It's known part of the condition.
It might take a couple of years- it might take 10 but your life is gonna be full of this shit until you make a choice to change.

OP you sound insane. Especially after reading your other thread.

Op x your drunken take on things are different to you ex partners recollection of things😔 my dad was a drunk and for example he used to say (in his mind) to my mam ' excuse me and let me pass! ' but in real life it was more like' f@ck off out of my way bitch! ' drunks are awful and if I was your ex partner I would run as far away from you as I could you need help and I hope your ex partner makes a new life for his self! It's HELL living with a alcoholic

Christ, you have a kid in the middle of this mess?

Seriously OP, dont have any more relationships until you've sorted yourself out. Put your daughter first before you cause her damage.

Wow, you are attention seeking! You sound a total nightmare and I no longer believe your other thread.

I have been on the receiving end of this type of behaviour and despite really loving and caring for my boyfriend sometimes enough is enough and you cannot sit around being repeatedly treated badly by someone even if you know they will regret it later. I think you need to forget about him for the time being and focus on you and your recovery. Once you are better you will be in a position to have a healthy relationship. Who knows, your paths may cross again but you need to focus on getting better first.

My god, OP, I was on your last thread, I gave you advice. So was that all made up?? If that was true, you should have ended it and not just because you wanted a drink. But this makes it sounds like that was all fabricated.

Of course you got a totally different response, what you wrote was so different it is impossible to square these two versions that you are giving now. What is clear is that you shouldn't be together, and that you need to get some counseling and sort out your issues.

OP. in the kindest possible way - wake up.

You will get advice based on what you tell people.
What are you telling yourself?

What I’m seeing is you saying

• I chose to break up with him so I could binge.
• I chose to regret that decision and why won’t he take me back?
• look MN he’s a shit bag too. Here the evidence.

If you are choosing a substance over someone you love you need to seek help and IMO shouldn’t be in a relationship. Especially a turbulent game playing pseudo- abusive one.
If you choose to treat them badly, it’s up to them if they take you back.
If they treat you badly, it’s up to you to decide what to do about that.

And if you’re still reading this thread OP - I suggest you leave it for your own mental health

Is there a daughter involved? That's completely different.

Get some help OP and forget the man, you and daughter need to be safe and sound

I thought you broke up with him and blocked him on everything a week ago?

You said in your last thread it was empowering to be putting yourself and your daughter first. You need to hold onto that feeling and get yourself better, for her if not for you.

In your counseling, please address your need to seek and create chaos.

In your previous thread, you described this man’s controlling and violent behavior. He likes to “take risks,” so doesn’t want to use condoms. He is jealous, so doesn’t want you to see male pals. He enjoys slapping your face.

You said that your gut “had been screaming” about the red flags since the beginning. For 13 pages, horrified posters urged you to end it ASAP. Because of his abusive behavior, you broke up and blocked him on June 27.

Now you claim that you broke up with him so that you could drink. You apologized to him and are ruminating that you’ve ruined something great. You call him “the best guy” and are desperate to reunite.

I hope that your therapist has expertise and experience with the behavior of addicts who seek and thrive on drama and chaos.

Hi OP, I haven't read the entire thread (but most of it) and didn't see your last one. However, as a recovering alcoholic I concur that AA advocate not commencing a relationship for at least a year into recovery.

It sounds as if you are suffering from what we call the four horsemen: terror, bewilderment, frustration, despair. All too common following a relapse.

I have been in AA for over 11 years and know many people who are highly intelligent, entertaining, perceptive and great parents. All that goes out of the window when the desire to drink takes over. We say that whatever you put before your recovery, you stand to lose.

I was an an active alcoholic with a daughter too. She can still recall the horror, for which I can never forgive myself despite my amends to her.

My advice is to get to a meeting, find a sponsor, work the steps and forget about relationships. Focus on yourself and your daughter and take one day at a time. All the very best of luck to you.