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Original poster

Friend wanting to date while we're on holiday together

31 replies

Dieu · 06/07/2019 13:28

Hi. I am abroad for a week with a close friend. So far, so good. We get on well and are having a really nice break. We are both single and have been active on the dating scene; she more than I, due to her having fewer work commitments and more free time from her children. And I decided a while back to have a break from online dating anyway.
Since getting here, she has downloaded local Tinder on her phone. She has asked me if I'd be interested in her organising a double date with a local man and his friend. Frankly, I can't be bothered. This isn't what I came on holiday for.
Don't get me wrong, I would be more than happy for her to go on a date. I'm content enough in my own company, and could go for walks or snuggle up with my Kindle. No problem there. But she's saying she won't go unless I go too Confused
I don't want to be a stick in the mud, but I don't fancy it. And even if she did go alone, would she really be happy with just the one date? We had a few days' away together 18 months or so ago, and her love life was quite a dominant feature throughout, as she organised a date there and obsessed afterwards.
I love my friend, and during the OLD process we have been invaluable confidantes to each other, but am I right in thinking that mates come before dates on holiday?!

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 06/07/2019 13:33

Stick to your guns. If she'll only go if you go too, then she's deciding not to go, isn't she?

Original poster
Dieu · 06/07/2019 14:20

Thanks. I will say that I personally don't want to date while here, but will offer to accompany her and stay for the first few minutes, to ensure she's comfortable. It's not the date I object to per se, but the emotional energy it'll take up during our holiday.

OP posts:
JustHavingASadDay · 06/07/2019 14:42

I wouldn't even offer to do that, tbh. I think it's a pretty shitty thing to do.

Her need to be validated by a random man is so great that she cant even go on holiday with you without dating. That's pathetic!

AgentJohnson · 06/07/2019 14:52

She’s emotionally blackmailing you and for that PA move, I’d tell her no. You’re on holiday FFS, it isn’t dating. It’s an ego stroke with the potential for a casual hook up.

MrsDimmond · 06/07/2019 14:54

Good god, no. YANBU

Mum4Fergus · 06/07/2019 14:54

Leave her to it and enjoy your break

category12 · 06/07/2019 14:59

Be her "safe call" instead and do what you want.

Original poster
Dieu · 06/07/2019 14:59

Thanks all. Glad it's not just me.
She has been making jokes about having brought condoms with her, which I find a bit cringey.
We're just back from the pool, and she said she couldn't stop looking at the lifeguard. I replied that he wasn't looking at her, as he's far too young. 'Burst my bubble, why don't you?' she huffed. 'Just a healthy dose of reality, my dear' was my breezy reply.

OP posts:
readitandwept · 06/07/2019 15:39

Not a chance in hell.

Your friend sounds pretty desperate. Is she also the type to fall from the face of the earth when she does get a new guy?

Original poster
Dieu · 06/07/2019 15:41

I don't know, as neither of us has had lasting success!

OP posts:
Pleasebeafleabite · 06/07/2019 15:50

You don’t sound like you like her, much less “love” her

Blankspace4 · 06/07/2019 15:53

I would be irritated too. I once went away for a long weekend with two (single) friends. I was in a relationship. They spent all of the first day there taking selfies and swiping on tinder. It was constant. I flew home the next day.

amiapropermum · 06/07/2019 15:54

Agree that wanting you to double date when you don't want to isn't on and she's being pushy. However, it doesn't sound as if you like her or enjoy her company

Original poster
Dieu · 06/07/2019 15:59

I knew someone would say that, and reading back, I can understand why. But honestly, there is much fondness and mutual support there. We've been friends for years. And we do sometimes like to take the piss Smile

OP posts:
UnboxingSoon · 06/07/2019 16:02

I dunno, I think you have to meet in the middle, it's her holiday too, and you're aware of what you didn't go on holiday for, but maybe spending every single night just the two of you is a bit monotonous for her?

it's not like you'd be double dating EVERY night, can you not just shrug and do the double date, once and then relax and enjoy the rest of the holiday.

I think you'd be a bit unreasonable not to agree to it once out of 7 (/) nights?

UnboxingSoon · 06/07/2019 16:03

@Dieu, I like your posts and wouldn't find your company monotonous, I don't mean it like that! I just mean, meet in the middle and do it one night!

peekyboo · 06/07/2019 16:04

If she was like this the last time you went away together, it can't have come as much of a surprise that she wants to do it again.

If you ever go away together again, have a good talk about expectations before you even book.

UnboxingSoon · 06/07/2019 16:07

I'd like a friend I could have confided in about OLD stuff as a lot of my married friends just did NOT get that the world of dating has changed and if you get 'played' they think ''well that would never have happened to me!'' so, a friend who has been through the OLD mill is invaluable!

I agree with talking about what the agenda is for the next holiday. I wouldn't want the holiday to revolve around dating at all but if you let her do all the organising and just agree to show up for one date on one of the nights, then it would still be the relaxing suit yourself holiday every other night! And she'd feel she ''tried'' while she was on holiday.

sqeakywheel · 06/07/2019 16:22

Just sounds a bit sleazy. I'm rather old fashioned about sex though. I feel I have to be in love to have sex. If it's not what you want to do, don't let her emotionally blackmail you into doing it.

amiapropermum · 06/07/2019 16:23

You sound a little bit mean about her and she sounds like she's trying to steamroll you. Maybe you aren't suited as holiday companions- it's trickier than a few day outings!

Caucho · 06/07/2019 16:28

Why the fuck should she have to meet ‘half way’ and go on a double date when she doesn’t want to. And if she did want to date I’m sure she’d want to choose who to go on with rather than have someone foisted on her. Some people do want to go on the pull on holiday but sounds like you haven’t discussed it properly or at all. She already said knock yourself and isn't going to moan which is generous enough. Her friend wants to pimp her out

BlondeAlways · 06/07/2019 16:30

She sounds desperate

Caucho · 06/07/2019 16:30

But yeah maybe you’re not compatible on the holiday front. Her wanting to go on the pull and you not are both entirely acceptable but you need to be on the same page otherwise one party isn’t going to be happy

Caucho · 06/07/2019 16:34

Also think Tinder is different to potentially meeting people. It’s different if you’re out together and end up chatting to a few people in comparison to going on tinder and actively pursuing things

BackforGood · 06/07/2019 16:37

I'm kind of with sqeakywheel tbh

If the two of you are out in a bar, or at the local club and you meet people, and have a laugh and a dance, spend a bit of time together, etc - fair enough, but it seems odd to be actively seeking out someone to date when you are far from home and not likely to be able to build a relationship with them Confused

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