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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I oversensitive?

35 replies

ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 18:11

I've been no contact with my entire family for years now and they are still absolutely bloody furious about it. According to them and everyone they know, they've never done anything wrong and I'm completely oversensitive and over react to minor things.

I don't think I am over sensitive. I think that I'm the only one who has normal reactions to things and that they're the ones who are fucked up. But even if they are right and I am over sensitive, then why do they keep doing things that hurt me? I know my DS is very sensitive so I take more care when dealing with him.

So is it OK if I run some incidents past you guys so you can tell me honestly if you would be upset? I have many to choose from. The no contact is from the cumulative effective rather than one particular instance (although there was one that was the final straw).

OP posts:
JollyGiraffe · 05/07/2019 18:14

Go for it- I've been told I'm oversensitive before so let's see if I agree with you!

If there's so many things that it has caused you to go no contact completely, I would guess you are not just being oversensitive

Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 18:22

Ok, first thing that comes to mind:

When I got married I asked my sisters' husbands to be the wedding drivers for me and my bridesmaids (2 DDs). They both happily agreed. We had their cars valeted, bought flowers and ribbons for them, bought waistcoats and ties to match the rest of the wedding party.

The evening before the wedding I bumped into a cousin in the supermarket who asked how I was getting to the church. I told her and she looked confused and told me that my sister had told her that they'd both changed their minds and weren't doing it anymore. Neither had bothered to tell me. They were just not going to show up and how I got to the church was apparently not their problem.

Being really upset about this is me being OTT and oversensitive.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 18:33

I was being a complete dramallama when I didn't go to my
sister's wedding because I 'didn't get the invitation I wanted'. I was hurt.
I was only invited to the evening do because of numbers. Our other siblings were invited to the whole thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 18:41

Then there was when my dad died. I was the only one prepared to put my hand in my pocket to pay for the funeral. The others were very demanding of how it should go, but refused to contribute despite being on much higher salaries than me. They did however arrange the scattering of the ashes, but forgot to tell me about it. My mum claims she didn't know I didn't know. They were so angry at me for being upset with them that they refused to tell me where the ashes were scattered. I still don't know.

OP posts:
Bigearringsbigsmile · 05/07/2019 18:44

You are not oversensitive. They are psychos.

crispsarelife · 05/07/2019 18:47

Im guessing they're the type who think they can treat you however they choose under the label 'family'

And because you are 'family' you are expected to suck it up.

No time for these kind of people. They are the opposite of family

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 05/07/2019 18:47

The examples you have given just outline their selfish horrible behaviour- do you feel happier NC?

Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 18:49

That's what I think I think, but then I'm faced with the fact that everyone who knows them thinks the sun shines out of the arses and I'm the nightmare for not appreciating how lucky I am. I even had a therapist saying that if I have a problem with all them then maybe the problem is the common denominator, me.

And so far this thread is just scratching the surface.

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 05/07/2019 18:49

They're beyond fucked up - they give fucked up a bad name. You've not been oversensitive at all. Keep up the nc & work on getting them entirely out of your head. Flowers

GertrudeCB · 05/07/2019 18:51

They are gobshites. I'm sorry OP Flowers

Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 18:51

do you feel happier NC?

Without a doubt. I'm free of the nastiness. But I still doubt myself and I suppose I mourn the relationships I never had. Especially with my mum.

OP posts:
readitandwept · 05/07/2019 18:54

Blood hell, OP. I rather hope this thread is unanimous in telling you that it's certainly not you, it's them.

They sound absolutely fucking soulless.

drowningincustard · 05/07/2019 18:57

They are a nightmare - your decision to go NC is absolutely right.
You may need more time/support/right sort of counsellor though to keep working through it as this kind of ongoing behaviour you were exposed to as a child/teen/adult will have had an impact.
Oh and those examples - you are not being sensitive. They are horrible and the people that did them were horrible...

Sunfull · 05/07/2019 19:04

It's not you. Sorry your family is such a nightmare.

Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 19:09

When I was a teenager I fell backwards off a 5ft wall landing flat on my back. It was agony, pure agony. I remember screaming in pain and a neighbour running over, holding me still and sending my brother to ring for an ambulance. My mum came out and was furious at the fuss I was making and dragged me up and home. I never received any medical help and spent the rest of my teenage year suffering in silence, in constant pain.

When I sought help as an adult I was told that I'd developed a curved spine after years of poor posture to lessen the pain. I've had years of physiotherapy to try and correct this. I eventually saw an orthopedic specialist (I think that's the right term). He said that I'd actually broken one of my vertebrae at the time and my posture was to compensate for that.

I'm now 40 and still see a physiotherapist twice a week, take daily painkillers and have to use a rollator or wheelchair when out an about. The original injury has healed. The problems I still suffer from is because I never got any medical intervention at the time.

I admit I carry a lot of anger about this. But again, these things happen and I'm oversensitve to still be making an issue of it. I also have no sense of humour because I don't find it funny when my brothers take the piss about me having mobility problems and being in a wheelchair.

OP posts:
MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 05/07/2019 19:10

Glad you don’t regret it. It’s normal to mourn for the loss of a concept like a “normal” family... although it really doesn’t sound like much of a loss.

It sounds as if you’ve been made the scapegoat that they all treat badly but wouldn’t dream of that behaviour outside the family. Your therapist does have to ask questions for you to evaluate your own perspective on it all, but I’d be telling her you weren’t the problem.

Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 19:18

And creeping up behind my autistic 4 year old and setting off a hand blended is just a different sense of humour. Apparently the way he freezes in terror and wets himself is absolutely hilarious. This was the final straw and why I went no contact with the whole fucking lot of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 19:21

I have a different therapist now who is lovely. He believes I have PTSD from growing up in that environment.

OP posts:
CheeseToastieAndABrew · 05/07/2019 19:22

They are the bastards from hell OP. If you want a completely honest opinion, you are right to be nc with these dangerous weirdos.

You only live once, don't let this tribe of twats spoil it any longer for you. Make tomorrow the first day that you are absolutely clear that they are wrong and they stay beneath you like the pieces of shit they are. Horrible, horrible bastards!

CheeseToastieAndABrew · 05/07/2019 19:24

I bet there are a few cocklodging, freeloading arseholes amongst them too.

Fuck me, you should write a book; therapy and profit from the fuckers.

Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 19:26

Thank you everyone. It does really help to hear it. I do know I've done the right thing and there's no way upon earth I'd take up contact again. I'm just having a wobble after being on holiday with DH's family who are so kind and gentle and treat my beautiful autistic DS with love and are so proud of him.

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 05/07/2019 19:27

Oh my god your family are psychopaths.
Please keep your distance, for the sake of your son if nothing else.
I am so sorry for everything they've put you through x

Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 19:33

I bet there are a few cocklodging, freeloading arseholes amongst them too.

Funny you should say that. My eldest brother is almost 50 and still lives at home with my mum. He has a very well paid job in IT, travels the world following his football, but has never paid my mum a single penny.

My other brother lives rent free in a flat owned by his girlfriends parents.

That's why I was so pissed at them refusing to contribute to dad's funeral costs.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImNotYourGranny · 05/07/2019 19:35

Please keep your distance, for the sake of your son if nothing else.

I emigrated to get away. It's been 4 years now. I'm never going back.

OP posts:
HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 05/07/2019 19:38

I'm sure you don't need another person to tell you as you've already had reassurance here but wow they are absolutely fucking bonkers. Not letting you have medical attention would be classed as abusive.

Well done for getting shot of them. Thanks

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