Split up 2 weeks ago and he's already seeing someone else

[Itsreallyallovernow]

My long term relationship ended last month. Mainly his decision. He is now seeing someone else.

When we got together he loved the fact I was intelligent, held professional qualifications, had a career and earned a decent salary. He also always made a big thing about how important it was that we kept fit and healthy, watched our weight etc. While we were together I gained a lot of weight. I then lost it all and more and currently weigh less than I have for 20 years. I'm also fairly fit, gym x3 per week and parkrun at weekends.

When we split up he said that in some ways he found me more attractive when I was fatter.

He is now seeing someone in a fairly basic low salary job reuiring no formal qualifications who is quite a bit bigger than me (Id say 3-4 stone overweight) and to be brutally honest not as attractive.

And I'm hurt.

Do I want him back? Not how he was at the end when everything was my fault and he shifted goalposts all the time so I was constantly wrongfooted. No I don't want that. But he wasn't always like that. It just hurts that all the things he apparently valued in me he doesn't really care about, just bullshit.

I've no interest in dating myself, can't imagine anything worse. I think most men are full of bs and I'm too old to deal with all that fuckwittery now. So I can't even tell myself oh I'll meet someone else better, blah blah.

It just feels like this hurt at a low level (not the immediate pain I felt when we broke up, this is like q persistent toothache, in the background but still there) goes on and on. What do I do? Just give it more time?

He was likely seeing this woman before he left. He's a bad guy, don't take him back.

He wants you to regain the weight because he feels that this would make you less able to leave him. He's a bad guy, don't put that weight back on - keep it off and keep the changes you have made FOR YOU.

He's chosen someone with few/no qualifications and no established career as it makes him feel superior and better about himself to be standing next to someone so much less accomplished than he is. He's a totally inadequate man, don't diminish your very fine achievements for him.

You're well shot of this guy. In time you'll see that you have been set free, rather than dumped. Pity the new woman as she is about to take all the emotional abuse which is now firmly in your rear window. Accelerate quickly away.

It's only 2 weeks. That's why it's hurting you so much. The woman he's seeing is bigger than you because that's obviously what he finds attractive. You've done brilliantly losing your weight and being fit. Don't yearn for the man you knew at the start of your relationship, he's gone, replaced by the idiot be became. It is just time that will heal you I'm afraid.

He obv just likes fat girls 🤷🏼‍♀️

Just be proud of yourself that you lost all your weight and your looking good.

He was probably already seeing her so that’s why he changed at the end more then likely.

In time your feel better and thank him for dumping you.

I would also stop looking at there social media’s and comparing yourself.

Man has inferiority complex, scared you're too good for him... Here's the thing.. you are.

Who knows if he is seeing her because she makes him feel superior. That's a sweeping generalisation based on nothing.

The facts are he has gone and is with someone new. And of course that hurts like hell. Just keep reminding yourself if he doesn't want to be with you, then he is not worth pining for or wanting.

It will take time, but you will heal. Take care.

My ex husband did this but I ended the marriage so didn’t feel the hurt I imagine you’re feeling. His GF is the absolute opposite of everything I am- unattractive inside and out, super skinny (as in zero curves whatsoever), not very intelligent, low income job etc. I suppose my ex wanted a polar opposite woman though .

You’re hurting because it’s so soon after the split so it’s raw. You will find someone better eventually but for now, block that twat and aim to keep moving forward.

How long were you together and how old are you both?

A new gf 2 weeks after separating suggests rebound but that is his and her issue. I would not date a man who had just ended a long relationship, as you are likely to just be a warm body to them. It unlikely to be true love, more opportunist.

What you might need to focus on is why you have jumped to comparing yourself with her. It's natural to be curious but making a comparison will just lead you to unhappiness.
It is wise to not date straight away. Too often people jump into another relationship to avoid grief but is necessary to work through emotions or else you bring all the baggage into a new relationship.
I think your approach is healthier.

Really what you earn, how clever you are and how beautiful your are, makes no difference to the fact you will face heartache or love in this life. The reverse is true in all ways.

For the OP, I would say it’s ok to look back on the good times. But they didn’t turn into a lasting love or sustainable relationship. The pain and regret are all part of growth.

Best now to try to block him from your life and look for a personal challenge.

Two weeks is no time at all, you will go through a number of emotions.

Keep yourself busy and more importantly learn to love yourself (if you don't already)

Good luck 💐

He might just like her & fancies a different relationship dynamic.

I'm way fatter, shorter & poorer, possibly not even as bright, as my DH's ex. She was an ex by her own decision before I met him but she lurks around & many years later, she clearly has regrets. I'd love to have a chat with her about it but it's not appropriate. It's not good tho, not for her.

No good comes from ruminating on this, sort your own shit out, move yourself on.

Rebound?

It actually makes me feel physically sick thinking of him with someone else. If she was prettier/ thinner I'd probably still feel the same albeit also thinking not onĺy has he met someone quickly it's someone better than me etc.

We were together for over 5 years. He was my best friend. He wanted to stay friends while dating/ shagging other people but I couldn't agree to that. What self respecting person could?

I know he wanted to meet someone else. He told me that was his intention. Honestly I didn't believe he would this quickly. Part of me thought he might still try again with us. Clearly not.

I know that things weren't right. It just hurts that he cared so little that he's already fucking someone else. While boxes of his belongings are still in my house.

Sounds like he started seeing her before he left. Why has he gone public so quickly? That must really hurt, I'm sorry.

Well, there you go, he had a goal and has achieved it. She'll not be the last if the ongoing mission is to add notches to the headboard.

Of course it hurts,it's only been a couple of weeks. It's really likely that he was seeing her before he left you officially. Men rarely leave with nowhere to go. Also he may not see this woman in the same way that you do. I once described a friend that I particularly admire both personally and professionally as elfin, petite and intelligent. DH later informed his friend that I was trying to set her up with that she was skinny,boyish and bolshy!

Whatdoyouknow yes one of the things he said in our breakup conversation was that he felt he hadn't slept arpund enough and planned to have some casual sex.

He also said this might just be a last hurrah before he proposed to me. And the shagging about would be fine because he'd make sure it was safe sex and wear a condom.

What a load of shit. He's in his 40s btw not some 20something.

Tell him his boxes will be left outside the house as of now and put them out now.

If he don't collect them his look out not your problem.

I know it hurts been there, do things that suit you, he lost any right of speech when he walked out the door.

So this isn't really about you, is it?

It's about regaining his youth, a massive midlife crisis.

Sorry but I reckon they were seeing each other before you broke up. This is based on how public they have gone so soon.

You are understandably upset and questioning everything, but you are never going to get the answers.

I am pretty certain he wasn't seeing her before. I know what he's done, as soon as we broke up he will have put himself on every imaginable dating/ shagging site and will have met her on one of those. There's some irony in the fact that he split up with me in part because we lacked intimacy and didn't have enough sex. Although for the majority of our relationship he often didn't want sex. And a solution to that problem can hardly be to go off and shag others.

Depends if you seek novelty?

Well you can't be in a committed monogamous relationship and fuck other people.

Plus that doesn't resolve any lack of sex or intimacy between us, it's just putting your dick in a different hole. Clearly that's what he wants to do but him making out its a solution to the issues between us is bullshit.

I know how you feel, I'm in the same situation however the OW is someone he cheated on me with - 2 weeks ago - which he blamed on me and had now gone off with her. I am so hurt beyond belief how is it fair that he can go off with someone new with absolutely no regrets. He said he had all these problems with me but he has never said anything and up until two weeks ago was perfectly fine. We did everything together, have a holiday booked, have plans for the future. So are they just all excuses because he's fucked up and has this new 'exciting' woman? Who knows, he's not who I thought he was.

But after all that I miss him so much, my head is everywhere - it's been 2 weeks!! So I'm here in solidarity with you

You are 100% correct OP, he’s full of shit.

And you are well rid.

Jonsnowsghost sorry you are going through this too. Our relationship had ups and downs but I believed we were together for life. We had plans for years ahead including how we'd spend our retirement. And hes fucked all that off. For what?

I'm still bloody angry with him. Sad too but angry.