How do you get over cheating?

[standingtall71]

Am I meant to just forget it and never mention it again? Am I supposed to not worry when he's acting weird? Am I supposed to just forgive and forget? How long until it stops hurting? Am I meant to never question what he's doing, what he's been up to, if he's likely to betray me again.....

When did you find out?

Are you sure you want to "get over" his betrayal? What's he doing to reassure you and help you?

You're meant to leave the git

Look up Esther Perel. She has done numerous podcasts, books, articles etc on the subject.
If you want to stay together, and many do despite MN conventional wisdom, she could be helpful for you. She is a psychotherapist and relationship counsellor who has done a lot of work in this matter.

What potato said.

I tried to get over it for two years before leaving.
Never could get over it, never could trust him ever again.
Every time he was late I worried, every time he picked up his phone i wondered if he was texting someone else.
My self esteem got worse and worse and worse.
I left for my own sanity in the end.
Sorry to hear about what happened to you op, you deserve better

I'm in the same situation as you, I'm 4 months on and every day is hell. I'm actually at the point if I could leave I would, because being alone would be better than the horrible crap I have in my head all day.

Stream Lemonade by Beyoncé

And you should reframe your questions... he has to acknowledge and hold your hurt, put up with and be understanding about the questions, be truly sorry and work hard to earn that trust back. Don't question your behaviour and what you need to do to get through this situation- the onus is on him to manage his behaviour to salvage the relationship.
If he is being angry and defensive and shutting down the conversation then resolving it is going to be nigh on impossible.

You don't ,have to do any of those things

You don’t get over it. You learn to live with it. And you’re always watchful.

Wouldn’t suit me, I couldn’t live like that. Many do, though. Men and women.

You said “again”, so how many times has he accidentally on purpose boned someone?

I forgave. He did it again. In fact he racked up 8 women. Many of which were long term side relationships (many years). I left, he begged and begged to come back because I was the “only one he’s ever loved” and he was “sorry”, he had “learned his lesson this time” - I told him to fuck right off. So what did he do? He crawled back to the last, deluded girl with poor self confidence (thus easy to manipulate because I had grown beyond his games) and got her knocked up. They’re still together 3 years later. And y’know where I am? Happy As Fucksville, that’s where! It hurts at first. But you can, and will, get beyond this. You will find yourself and love yourself enough to walk away. You need to love yourself in the same way you expect to be loved by a significant other, so respect yourself enough to walk away from the person who doesn’t respect you. You are worth more.

If you don't wNt to, then you don't. Brushing the fact that your supposedly D P put his dick in someone else isn't obligatory.

I forgave. Then he did it again so I woke up and divorced him. I found him impossible to trust anymore so that was the end of the relationship. I'm now extremely happy with someone else.

Love that post @RamblingEm

You shouldn't have to get over anything.

I got over it by dumping him.

If you value your sanity don't try to. You'll worry about everything.

I'm beginning to feel like the one who f'd up... ' cause he gets really angry if I mention it... It's only been 7/8 weeks ....

Did you have threads about this a few days ago?

Honestly OP, nobody gets over it. Maybe with time some people stop caring so much when the shine goes off their ‘prize’ enough. But there’s no ‘getting over it’ ever. Which is why the best move is to leave.

It’s a permanent physical and mental damage to your body.

If he gets angry then you will never get over this.
He needs to understand, or at least try to understand, what you are going through.
He's making no attempt to do so.
You don't HAVE to get over it.
I know I couldn't.
I think I tried for a day and just couldn't do it.
He would never be the same man again.
Are you married?
Do you have children together?
If not then this is a total no-brainer.
You deserve far better and I think you know that which is why you are posting.
And yes, he's likely to betray again.
If you shut the fuck up and just get on with it, what consequences has he had?
None! So it gives him the green light to do it again.

Value yourself.
Do what is right for YOU.
Stop listening to his bullshit.

Surfingtheweb Me too. All day , every day. There is sooo much crap in my head.Despite him trying, despite me trying - I can't see an end to constantly thinking about it.
But stuck with being here.. Money, age, family obligations.

• @standingtall71* If you can , I would say you should leave. It never goes away.And nothing will ever be the same..Sorry you are going through this. I feel your pain.

You only get over it if you genuinely don’t mind. I forgave, and we are still together over a decade later and happy, but that’s because it doesn’t really bother me. I know it was about his hang ups, not a judgement about me. It doesn’t make me feel bad. If it happened again I would be fine. So it doesn’t scare me.
Trying to stay together if you are in pain wouldn’t work.

I also 'got over it' by leaving him. He had done it more than once, although he only admitted to one time. Having got away with it before, he felt justified in continuing to dip his wick elsewhere.

You don't have to forgive him. You will certainly never forget. And if he is getting angry with you just a few short weeks after you found out, it is because he thinks you are being unreasonable and that means, to me, that he doesn't think he has done something that requires forgiveness. If you decide to forgive, he will almost certainly cheat on you again and again.

Am I supposed to not worry when he's acting weird? Am I supposed to just forgive and forget? How long until it stops hurting?

There is no supposed to. Please stop trying to dumb down your own feelings to suit this cheating prick.

He gets really angry if I mention it...

I bet he does. He wants to forget all about it; making you feel like you are the person in the wrong. He wants to crack on as before and doesn't care about the feelings you mentioned above.

The best way is to rid yourself of him. He isn't even sorry, he is acting like a typical serial cheater. He will almost certainly do this again.

I'm sorry; but protect yourself, not him.

My exh admitted to an affair at 6pm nine years ago by 7.30pm he was gone with majority of his clothing trailing behind him.

I was not in a position to pay all bills etc had kids but we managed.