How do you get over cheating?

[standingtall71]

Am I meant to just forget it and never mention it again? Am I supposed to not worry when he's acting weird? Am I supposed to just forgive and forget? How long until it stops hurting? Am I meant to never question what he's doing, what he's been up to, if he's likely to betray me again.....

cause he gets really angry if I mention it of course he does because you are rightly pointing out that he is a cockwomble who's loyalty only extends as far as the next opportunity.

It has only been 8 weeks at this point, you are probably still knocked sideways after finding out he cheated. At that point when I found out my other half had cheated I could not have told you my own name, my advice is to get some individual counselling so you can speak to someone clear headed with no emotional investment in either you leaving or staying with this person.

Unless he owns up to his appalling behaviour and does everything he can to understand your hurt and commit himself to showing you everyday that he will never hurt you again, that he regrets what he did everyday, that he will keep on working until you say he has done enough, it will never work. Even after all that it still might not work, but he has to put in the work on the understanding that the relationship you had before is gone, the trust you had before is gone, the love you had before is gone, and those things will never be the same, it will be new and different now because of what he has done.

He isn't worth it and you deserve better. That's all.

Similar to @letsdolunch321 I found out about my Ex's affair and left that night. I didn't give him a backward glance and blocked him totally. It was hard at first as there were logistics for living arrangements to sort out with my DC (not his child) but I'm living life very positively 8 months on.

Prior to finding out I'd had a whole year of him lying and gaslighting me about his 'friendship'. The anxiety and stress I went through was awful. As soon as I found out the truth it actually gave me a lot of strength to realise that I deserved a whole lot better and he was just scum. All of my friends and family saw in that year I was becoming a shadow of my former self because of him. When I found out, I told everyone and had a lot of support. I don't think cheaters should be given a second chance, sorry to those who have given a second chance to cheating partners...but it just doesn't work. I have friends who have done this and they live in a relationship with constant second guessing. It is debilitating. Why live like that? Have some self respect!

The only way to get over it is to cut them out of your life and be a friend to yourself.

Well done @Pinkmonkeybird - I am now 9yrs down the line and life is good.

Onwards and upwards for you. 💐

You don't get over it. You learn to live with it, bend your life around the pain and attempt to move forward the best you can. Whether that's the life you want for yourself is the choice you need to make.

@letsdolunch321 thank you! Likewise, well done to you for getting out. Life is so much better isn't it?

Oh absolutely, first couple of years it was a rollercoaster but thankfully I am very proud of my kids, happy to call myself mum & dad - as kids no longer have contact with their father their doing not mine.

I have made a new life, put that chapter behind me and am very happy with my lot 😁

Onwards and upwards to you and yours @Pinkmonkeybird

*My exh admitted to an affair at 6pm nine years ago by 7.30pm he was gone with majority of his clothing trailing behind him.

I was not in a position to pay all bills etc had kids but we managed.*

Same as @letsdolunch321..I found out my ex was having an affair in the afternoon and when he got home from work his bag was packed and he left. Thirteen years of marriage and two children obviously weren't fighting for for him so I wasn't about to try and fight for him.

I could never have trusted him again, or respected him so I knew I would be better in the long run on my own. Now 18 months down the line and there have been really tough times but I'm doing well and there have also been really great times with friends, my children, family, even men. If we'd stayed together i think id' be a shell of myself and miserable right now.

He's still with the OW (12 years his junior...classic) and she is very welcome to him...he's no prize.

Haha @Sunshineandflipflops what dickheads these men are married for 20yrs, together 26years and two kids ...... as in the words of Gloria Gaynor

WE WILL SURVIVE

@letsdolunch321 yes, together 20+ years here too.

The grass is always greener...until it looses its colour as the rest of it does with time.

Sorry op, I don't think my response was very helpful to you. I did 'forgive' my ex for cheating way back in our marriage. I was heavily pregnant and had a 1 year old. We never discussed it ever again and we had another 10 years together but looking back, I never felt the same way about him after that and I never really trusted him completely again. Obviously he then did it again 10 years later, which might go some way to explain my very black and white response to it.

I think if you have any chance of moving on (if that's what you BOTH want) then he has to acknowledge the harm he has done and try and help repair it. Making you feel bad for bringing it up or wanting to talk about it is punishing you further for his actions, which is not fair and won't aid that repair.

I thinks it's hard to just get over something and it's obvious there are things you need to discuss.

Everyone is different, I couldn't personally just get over it. But I've seen posts on here where couples have had therapy. Maybe if he's not willing to discuss it try therapy.

But my concern would be how he's already just pushing it to one side when really he should be doing all he can to still make this right to you.

You don't get over it. You learn to live with it, bend your life around the pain and attempt to move forward the best you can

This - along with the permanent mental and physical damage a PP mentioned, while you wonder what every phone call, every text and every late arrival might mean

That's the price; whether it's worth paying is for the individual to decide - though I recommend getting out much faster than I did

@Ferfeckssake 😢 how long ago did it happen? & how did you find out? My husband was being awful to me, I borrowed his car and looked in sat nav, next day I went and found him at the woman's house.