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Original poster

Am I going mad or is this a possibility that he’s stalking me in some way

32 replies

Littleteacup1 · 30/06/2019 23:05

Partner of 3 years and I live together we own a house and things have currently been very up and down. He works with computers for a living and is very clever with what he does to the point I’ve joked about him beeing able to hack people and he’s always said with some apps like snap chat and tinder it used to be so easy due to all the bugs and leaks they had but I never thought much of it. When I first met him we where just friends he really liked me and I wasn’t ready yet for comitment made it clear and carried on dating. The thing is he new most the dates I was on claimed he worked with one of the guys at the time on his work website I looked at the about us page where they had a list of all the staff not one guy I recognised that I was talking to. He managed to find out about 3 of the guys that I slept with apparently they told him as he new them both guys denied knowing him and his reply was why would they say if they had told me. He also used to drink with work most nights and would always bumb into me on dates but I juts assumed it was because of small town. I never really thought all this through and joined the dots untill recently when a few things have been said that only I would know. On Sunday after a bit of an argument I said I may go Out to dinner with friend turned out she was still on holiday. I then text his friend / our friend [ they where friends for a long time until ny partner gave up with him and stopped making effort] that any chance of a bbq this evening would be off due to partner being grumpy he then asked if I was ok And did I want to meat him for a McDonald’s. I said yes would be lovely will see you later. Left the house in an Uber which was from around the side of the house not wear he could see it as Uber just pulled into a spare spot and off I went. 2 days later he claims I lied to him about who I was going to meet I said what do you mean he was like you got an Uber and had a McDonald’s with our friend he claims he just guessed McDonald’s but a I hardly go there and where I went there is at least five other options and he then claims he saw me get in the Uber. He also said I knew my friend was on holiday and that I was never going to meet her. He was the one that introduced me to his friend and insisted we hang out as he was getting fed up of being asked daily to hang out with friend and I was always getting bored while he worked so much. I feel like he knows way to much have arranged to see friend tomorrow who also works with computers and he’s going to help me re set and sort my phone out and see if he can work anything out

OP posts:
Jaffacakesaremyfave · 30/06/2019 23:56

I think it's entirely possible he is monitoring you somehow with a device or software on your phone.

Is he generally quite controlling OP?

Your gut is telling you something is off and you should never ignore it. Try googling spyware scanner (or something to that effect) to check if your device is being monitored. I'm sure there are apps which can scan for this.

If he is monitoring you, this man is highly dangerous and you need to leave this relationship but be careful as he will likely stalk you.

My friends sister dated a guy like this and he had put a tracker on her phone and bugged her house. He stalked her for years after she left the relationship.

Jaffacakesaremyfave · 01/07/2019 00:03

Actually, why the hell is he asking you about guys you have slept with? It's none of his business and typical of abusive and controlling men to fixate on your past sexual experiences. Does he make you feel bad about the men you slept with prior to him?

He sounds like a covert narcissist OP. Please read up on the warning signs.

Be careful with letting his friend put things on your phone as you dont know where his loyalties lie. Could you visit a phone shop and ask there?

Either way, he sounds abusive and controlling even if he isn't using spyware on you.

I'd run from this guy OP. I think theres lots more to your post than you've let on

Duster12 · 01/07/2019 00:10

I can't believe you let it get as far as a relationship. Stop sleep walking Confused

Smellbowpenisbeaker · 01/07/2019 00:13

Very odd. I would guess that however he is monitoring you he only has access retrospectively. It doesn’t sound as if he’s aware of what you’re doing whilst you’re doing it but after the event, so he’s checking in on you later.

AlunWynsKnee · 01/07/2019 00:21

He might have installed a key logger to grab your passwords. Easily done if he's had access to your phone or computer.
He does sound a bit off since you started so I suspect you might need to leave him.

NigellaAwesome · 01/07/2019 00:22

Could your phones be linked on the same apple account, or does he know your apple password? (Making a guess it is apple, and if not, presumably android devices have similar)

If so, he could monitor your movements on find my iPhone, and also see the Uber ride through hacking into your emails, or he could have push notifications enabled on your email account to his phone.

Regardless, he sounds highly controlling and I would run for the hills. Don't ever feel you have to explain your sexual history, and normal people don't think about it or ask.

bubblegum2019 · 01/07/2019 00:24

I had a guy do this to me! I had known him for years but he always had a crush on me he worked with computers and he fixed my iPhone and laptop when when they were broken after that my phone would make a weird noise every time I typed and my laptop would get a strange pop up come up at the same time everyday! I ended up covering my laptop camera with a post it note but though I was just being paranoid until I was watching a film on the laptop one night and he text me saying ‘enjoying the movie?’ 😳 a few days after that I was taking pictures of a dress I was trying on in a fitting room and took some pictures some from behind as well and he sent me a message with ‘🍑’! Was so creeped out so blocked him and brought and new phone and laptop!

I would get a new phone if I was you and run from this man!

PhilCornwall · 01/07/2019 05:58

You don't need a friend to "fix your phone". Change your passwords, factory reset your phone and don't let anyone else use it.

RebootYourEngine · 01/07/2019 06:16

Sounds like he has your phone monitored. I would start by resetting your phone. It's easy to do yourself. Then I would dump him.

ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 01/07/2019 06:42

My ex husband logged into my laptop and got into my google account. I didnt know at the time, that my found followed me wherever I went.

That's how he could follow me.

It's entirely possible that he has been.

I cant believe you didnt think it was odd that he knew everyone you dated. Despite them saying they didnt know him.

If he has been doing this, he has been doing it since you first met. How would he have got access back then?

I do have to say though. If a poster came here saying her boyfriend said he was going out for dinner with a male friend, then got an uber to pull up round the corner of the house and actually went out with a female friend. Mn would be telling her, he was cheating.

He absolutely shouldnt be doing what he is doing. No excuses.

But I get the feeling you havent never really wanted to be in this relationship and he knows it.

It's better for both you that you leave.

Personally, when it happened to me. I voted a new phones got a new google account, changed passwords on everything.

BoffinMum · 01/07/2019 06:54

He seems to be tracking you. If you want to know for sure, make up some fake appointments and see if he claims to have 'seen' you go to them. Meanwhile ditch your hardware (especially your mobile phone) and set up new social media accounts completely unconnected to the existing ones,

newmomof1 · 01/07/2019 07:00

Have you tried asking him outright if he's tracking you?

This sounds like a pretty toxic relationship either way.

NotStayingIn · 01/07/2019 07:08

Run for the hills. It sounds like he is tracking you. And even if he isn’t, it really doesn’t make things better. His behaviour is controlling and this is not what a good relationship looks like. So get the hell out before this goes any further.

FuriousVexation · 01/07/2019 07:42

whats your gut feeling (apart from punctuation)

HiItsClemFandango · 01/07/2019 07:46

I can't believe you let this carry on for 3 years!

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 01/07/2019 07:52

Well it’s nevee really all added up untill the recent thing I mean I’ve had my suspicions but he’s always played it call by saying things like yes you could hack tinder back in the day but why would I hack you. He’s on track to move out in September no other option at the moment so just a waiting game

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 01/07/2019 07:58

Why September? Why not now?

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 01/07/2019 08:02

He has no family to move in with I can’t live with mine for various reasons not enough money to move out and pay mortgage between us at the moment plus’s house is being done up in September and we where going to move into my mums house as she will off moved into her new house by then but he will go and rent and we can get a lodger for the spare room once it’s done up

OP posts:
MollyButton · 01/07/2019 08:11

The most dangerous time is when a relationship is ending.
Yes he could well have installed tracking devices on your phone and other devices you have. He could even have access to your MN account.
I would suggest you: speak to the police and see if they have information on him
Get your devices checked by someone who knows
don't long onto MN etc. from your own devices - until you are certain they are clean
Change your username here and passwords in general (2 step authentication could be useful - if your devices are clean), make sure he is not a security back up for your accounts
Be very very caeful

ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 01/07/2019 08:12

You never added it up that one friend worked with most if the guys you dated, knew which ones you had, had sex with. You couldnt find any trace they worked where he said they worked and they all denied knowing him?

OP if you missed that, you need to take sometime out to work on your boundaries and how to spot total bullshit.

Tingface · 01/07/2019 08:27

You need to end this relationship. It’s clearly not great for either of you.

SavingSpaces2019 · 01/07/2019 13:40

I can't believe you got into a relationship with him and bought a fucking house AFTER you had evidence that he was lying to you about how he knew who you'd slept with!

Either it's half term or you seriously need to get some outside help!

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 01/07/2019 15:37

Well the thing is at the time I was a mess sleeping with a lot of guys and sexting quite a few from tinder. when I looked I couldn’t see anyone I really recognised from his work and he was apparently out with the guy at the time and the guy asked my partner if we where going out when he said why he showed him the messages at the time I believed him I don’t think it would be possible to hack someone maybe I was stupid 3 years ago I was only 21

OP posts:
ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 01/07/2019 16:52

Hang on.

He was out drinking with a guy you were seeing. And this guy, mid converstation thought you and him were already dating?

Look op, we all do bonkers stuff occassionally. Miss signs etc. But you kissed massive great neon signs.

Please get away from this man as quickly and as safely as you can. And please seek some outside support. Flowers

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 01/07/2019 20:53

The story was someone at work said we where dating this guy at work went you dating that girl he was like why ? And then he showed all the messages any way I’ve seen the signs I’ve got plans to leave can’t happen till September though and that can’t change

OP posts: