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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I been ghosted?

30 replies

GhostedGhosted · 30/06/2019 20:23

We're both 25. This guy has liked me for quite a while. He's been quite persistent.
We went on a date a few months ago but after it i was honest and said i wasnt quite ready yet as i had just come out of a 5 year relationship so was heartbroken.
Anyway, 4 months had passed and i was thinking about him a lot. We have mutual friends and in a pub i asked about him to one of his friends.
Anyway this friend let him know i was asking about him (i felt so embarrassed) and this guy sent me a message again.
I responded and we've been speaking over message for about 2 weeks.
We havent had a chance to meet up yet as he works away regularly as part of his job (he is definitely working as my friends know him well) so he is on a family holiday for a week and working for 2 weeks in another country.
But before he left, he messaged asking if i'd go for food with him when hes back and i agreed. He also asked if i'd like to go to the cinema afterwards.
He's got 2 weeks before he's back but he's been sending me pictures of the country he's in - the views. He's been telling me he cant wait to see me. Asking about my day.
Very chatty. His family holiday has come to an end and he said last night that he was flying to work today - a country closeby to where he is so it doesnt take long to get to.

My last message to him was 11pm last night saying something like 'The pictures are lovely! You're very lucky!'
I fell asleep and woke up and saw he saw the message in the early hours but never responded but he does this regurlaly where he'll wait until he knows it's morning time before he replies so i didnt think much of it.

But i didnt hear off him at 4pm, so i sent a text saying "hope youre okay; Are you back at work now?"
After i sent it, i deleted the message thread since i felt embarrassed that i double texted and thought i shouldve just waiting to see if he got in touch.
So i cant see if hes seen the message but i have seen he's been online a lot of times since that message was sent.

It's been 4 hours since i sent it and nothing from him.
I feel embarrassed because our friends have been telling me how much he likes me and i've been telling them that i think he's lovely.
He was the one that asked me for a date and im always positive back to him when we talk about seeing each other in a few weeks;

Maybe he's got bored of me or maybe he's busy since it's his first day back:
I just feel a bit stupid;
Any ideas?

OP posts:
toffeeapple123 · 30/06/2019 20:27

Relax :) It's fine to send another message like that. And stop deleting, there's really no need. And even if you don't hear from him again, so what? Don't be embarrassed at all. His tough luck.

GhostedGhosted · 30/06/2019 20:29

Haha i think it was just me not wanting to see him 'see' the message and get ignored again Blush

OP posts:
sincethereis · 30/06/2019 20:32

I’m not too sure.

He might not have ghosted you. Since he’s been abroad and could be busy etc. Is he quite a big texter/ phone guy? Because some guys really aren’t.

BAYouTFall · 30/06/2019 20:33

I wouldn’t worry OP, if you text last night and he hasn’t responded maybe he’s been really busy today. Leave it a couple days and see I think it’s too early to feel ghosted. Smile

HypatiaCade · 30/06/2019 20:34

Not even a whole day and you think he's ghosted you???

GhostedGhosted · 30/06/2019 20:35

I'm not.too sure,.
I dont know him amazingly well; i know sometimes it does take him a couple of hours to respond to me when he was on holiday this week but i understood he's on holiday and he apologised the other night that his replies had been a bit rubbish;
When he was home, he was replying quite quick but i was also in work so they felt quick because i could only check my phone every few hours.

I dont mind slow replies, i understand people get busy; it's the fact he's seen in it and he's been online a lot today and it's been almost a day

OP posts:
GhostedGhosted · 30/06/2019 20:36

I'm not really used to the dating thing.
I met my ex naturally in a pub and we kind of just.got together, never really "dated" per say; and he was my first love and that was 5 years so i may just be overthinking things because i do really like this man but i dont really know the 'rules' of dating per day

OP posts:
TeaForTheWin · 30/06/2019 20:42

Do you not think its a bit odd that you expect to text every day? Bit full on. And you're freaking out because he hasn't replied in a few hours. I mean...bit worrying that you are so invested when you really don't even know this person.

If you keep texting every day you will have nothing to talk about when you actually get around to going on a date again.

toffeeapple123 · 30/06/2019 20:43

As I said, please don't worry - relax and distract yourself, let things unfold naturally. If he's interested, and it sounds like he is, he will be in touch. And it is normal how you're feeling - when we really like someone, we do get a little anxious, particularly if they don't respond as quickly as we'd like. Deep breath! Smile

GhostedGhosted · 30/06/2019 20:47

I know, Honestly i have been so relaxed with him usually;
Maybe it's because ive had quite.a.boring weekend;
I read online that double texting is a 'no no' which caused my panic; i have texted since;
I'm probably just being stupid, i just hope i havent put him off with the second text Confused
I'll try and relax and whatever will be will.be!
Talking on mumsnet will be a distraction haha

OP posts:
Whatafackinliberty · 30/06/2019 20:48

You sound very immature.

TheClitterati · 30/06/2019 20:50

Stop stalking him on the texting etc. Go out and live your life. Hell be back From holiday soon

GhostedGhosted · 30/06/2019 20:53

Immature? I'm just a bit nervous that's all. I havent persistently text him or been rude asking where he's been?
I'm just seeking advice since i've never really been in the dating scenes so i want to know the general dos and donts

OP posts:
GhostedGhosted · 30/06/2019 20:55

@TheClitterati once i'm back in work tomorrow, i'll be over it,
Having this sunday relaxing in the sun has probably given me too much time to think about it but yeah, i probably should stop checking whether he's online or not (i promise i dont check when hes online regularly, just today; i just feel panicky and i have no idea why)

OP posts:
Smellbowpenisbeaker · 30/06/2019 20:57

If he hasn’t, brilliant. Sounds like it has potential and all is well.

If he has, then presumably he purposefully reeled you in in order
to knock you back as he felt rejected a few months ago. In which case, massive twat. So again, phew. Lucky escape and all is well.

Either way, all is well. Don’t text again.

GhostedGhosted · 30/06/2019 21:04

I like that outlook @Smellbowpenisbeaker
I'll keep everyone updated on whether or not he gets back in touch :)

OP posts:
Piggle23 · 30/06/2019 21:49

Could be anything, could be busy, feeling ill. I wouldn't get this invested so early on like another poster said.

GhostedGhosted · 01/07/2019 13:01

He replied back last night saying:
'Sorry for replying so late, my mind's been everywhere.today'
I replied saying
'That's fine! No worries'

He's probably just busy being back at work so i'll just wait to see whether he gets back to me once he's home

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 01/07/2019 13:09

4 hours is hardly worthy of a call to Interpol.

He’s at work, smoke the peace pipe

loobyloo1234 · 01/07/2019 13:35

'That's fine! No worries' - why did you only reply this? Why didn't you ask him if he was ok? You've closed the conversation there surely OP

GhostedGhosted · 01/07/2019 14:30

I aaked him if he was okay before his message,
I said
'Are you okay? :) Back to work? Xx"
To which he replied
"Sorry for the late reply, heads been everywhere today xxx"
So i said
'It's fine! No worries xxx"

Is there somethibg wrong with that?

OP posts:
GhostedGhosted · 01/07/2019 14:32

This dating thing is so hard,
I just thought he'd naturally follow up my message asking if im okay or something,
I dont think ive closed it have i? Xx

OP posts:
gamerchick · 01/07/2019 14:34

Well I'm confused. Are you ready for a relationship now because you told him you weren't?

HollowTalk · 01/07/2019 14:35

Why has his head been everywhere? I would back off a little now and see what he does. (Of course you don't necessarily have to accept what he does.)

gubbsywubbsy · 01/07/2019 14:39

As you have deleted it he will probably think you have ghosted him 😬... text back and say oops sorry I deleted the thread by mistake hope all ok in a breast fashion .. then leave it .