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Original poster

Blown out, yet again... OLD

56 replies

Unluckyinlove2019 · 29/06/2019 20:07

Majorly pissed off this evening, and just wanted to vent but would welcome anyone's thoughts and opinions on the position I've found myself in.

I have name changed so this isn't linked to my other posts.

Been doing online dating for what feels like an eternity. Met some nice, and not so nice men.

There's been two guys who I've really liked. The first said he really liked me and we had a FWB set-up for about 18 months (which suited me at the time) but when I said I was looking for a relationship... well, he turned to dust! That's history...

The second guy, who I haven't actually known that long. Seemed really keen on me, as I was him. Have spent a fair bit of time together given the short space since we met online.

Thought things were going well and had made plans to spend today/tonight together and yet I've not heard a peep from him! I tried calling him this afternoon and got no answer. Messaged him this evening saying I hope everything was alright as I hadn't heard from him... radio silence!

To avoid drip feeding, I did text him earlier in the week, just a general chit chatty message and got no reply. Called him two days later and no answer.

He called me yesterday and said he'd left his phone in a vehicle and had only just retrieved it... so I gave him the benefit of the doubt after he was very apologetic.

But going AWOL today... well now I don't know what to think!

I don't think I'm a needy person, it's usually him that gives me a call each day so this just seems unusual and I'm beginning to think I may be entering "ghosting" territory and it has upset me Sad

Why oh why do the guys I like, not feel the same way back?!

And what are your thoughts as to what I should do with this latest guy? A friend said I should fuck him off Grin but I was starting to think we might have something good about to start...

Rant over, and thanks for reading Smile

OP posts:
ISpeakJive · 30/06/2019 11:16

So not only is he a lying prick but he is actually insulting your intelligence. Fucker!
I like Category's answer but I think radio silence is the way to go.

Original poster
Unluckyinlove2019 · 30/06/2019 11:18

Haha yes @category12 reply is a good one!

I opted for "I doubt you were that ill that meant you were unable to let me know we weren't meeting up but oh well 🤷🏼‍♀️"

Honestly, I'm just bloody lost for words tbh.

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 30/06/2019 11:24

It is almost funny..perhaps he didn't have a great date yesterday and figures you might still be around to reel back in.

Rather than lament that he is another No, reflect on how your boundaries are sharper and if you can spot red flags earlier. Did you ask enough questions or believe everything he said? Are there lessons you can learn?
We all want to meet Mr Right asap but perhaps we have to accept that we are not yet in the right place ourselves (annonyingly!!). See it as a necessary step on the right path rather than a failure.

Had you tolerated his ghosting you definitely would be 2 steps back and going in the wrong direction.

supercali77 · 30/06/2019 11:32

@lifebegins50 bingo. Well said. With mr wrong theres always a good lesson to be learned

Whereissummerthisyear · 30/06/2019 11:49

Did he actually apologise and acknowledge he had let you down? These types of chancers just want to pick up where they left off and expect you to accept it.

PCohle · 30/06/2019 11:52

Sympathies OP ThanksYou're absolutely right to be angry rather than mopey!

UnboxingSoon · 30/06/2019 11:53

It's not you. It's OLD

I too wasted time with somebody who stood half way in the door for about 18 months. I should have should the door. But I lived and I learnt.

OP if that guy gets bakc in touch with you and he's all friendly like he didn't disappear for ages tell him ''thanks but mixed messages aren't for me, good luck''.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 30/06/2019 11:57

OLD is brutal. I've thankfully met a good one finally but I had to kiss a lot of frogs first. It's definitely not you OP.

f83mx · 30/06/2019 12:02

Good reply OP. I’d ignore any further responses now, cut him loose.

KaleidoscopeEyes · 30/06/2019 14:01

Did he reply?

Honestly, it's not you. NEXT!

crappyday2018 · 30/06/2019 15:06

OP I wouldn't have even replied to him. If he says anything else just ignore him. What he did yesterday is utterly shit and its 99% likely he is lying and was on another date, or just changed his mind about meeting you. The fact he has come back with an excuse tells me he's not quite ready to bin you off yet but happy to keep you dangling. Twat.

Original poster
Unluckyinlove2019 · 30/06/2019 15:43

My last message was read, but no reply.

Just reinforces the fact that he's a knob

OP posts:
MadamBatty · 30/06/2019 15:44

I wouldn’t bother responding to him. Feck him.

Honeyroar · 30/06/2019 15:56

Not good enough. That's all there was to it. It's a shame, but he is who he is and he's been rude. Well done on being firm. May the next one be an improvement!

Pinkfinkle · 30/06/2019 15:59

A man who is really interested won’t make you chase his tail. He will most likely be the one instigating contact a lot of the time and he’ll make it clear he’s into you. There shouldn’t be any dodgy guessing games if they’re truly into you. Sadly doesn’t sound as though this guy is. Cut your losses and keep trying.

Original poster
Unluckyinlove2019 · 30/06/2019 16:08

Thanks all, your words have helped me see this (and him) for what it is.

It is a shame though as I was starting to think it could actually go somewhere and then he shows me this side to him! I know it's best I find out now rather than further down the line when I'm more invested.

I honestly thought he was one of the "good ones" and genuinely did not see any red flags or a hint that he had it in him to be so rude and disrespectful.

Oh well... onwards and upwards as they say... and plenty more fish in the pond Grin

OP posts:
supercali77 · 30/06/2019 17:12

@Unluckyinlove2019 it's kinda hard in the beginning to recognise the difference between good guy and asshat putting on a good guy front. All that really counts is that as soon as you saw his true colours you called it and you walked. Best any of us can do.

UnboxingSoon · 03/07/2019 17:15

I think it takes a while to see if their actions match what they say is on their tin. I am no fool 🤔 but i i realise now, i bought in to OLD men's own perception of themselves, and so allowed them to dupe me, rush me, relegate me, ghost me.... sigh.

Met a man in real life and he has been nothing but truthful and respectful to me. It is OLD it us brutal, even when you think you are fairly streetwise you're not canny enough for OLD!

Original poster
Unluckyinlove2019 · 14/07/2019 23:57

I'm having a wobble Confused

Hope you lovely lot don't mind me posting again but in a pledge to save my dignity I'd rather post here than reply to HIM

So to be fair to him, he did apologise for not messaging me. All good, right?

It was... because I jetted of abroad with my little one but now I'm home I just feel kinda flat Sad

He messaged the day before I flew out to say sorry again, wished me a good holiday but ended it with "take care"

How would you interpret that, honestly? I saw it as a final dumping... probably an easy one for him because I never replied but it's playing on my mind.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 15/07/2019 00:08

Hello. Yes better to have a wobble and talk it out on here.

No he didn't really apologise, it took him ages. And he'd previously had another radio silence when he "left his phone in the van". He'd just keep doing it. You're worth more thought and respect than that. I think it's good you never replied to his pre holiday message. I don't know whether his message was a final dumping (you'd already dumped him..) or trying to get his foot back in the door again. Keep your dignity. You've done so well..

CilantroChili · 15/07/2019 00:35

Wobble is fine, especially post holiday
Good call to come here
It’s probably time to block & delete
You deserve better (as you know)

Emerald46 · 15/07/2019 01:13

@Unluckyinlove2019, when he apologized, did he actually explain what had happened and why he hadn't messaged you to say he couldn't make it. My gut would be to ignore him but ultimately it would depend on how genuine his apology felt to me...

Original poster
Unluckyinlove2019 · 15/07/2019 01:57

I dunno what it is (or was) about this guy, he really got under my skin and I really liked him.

It was short lived, I know. But the things we talked about...plans we'd made .... he seemed into me as I was him and I don't think I came on too strong that's not my style 😬

Just a proper head fuck tbh

OP posts:
TakeOneForTheBreem · 15/07/2019 02:06

If you're going to do online dating, you need to keep your options more open. Don't get hung up on one guy and see if it goes somewhere, date a few at the same time before seeing if you actually like any of them or if they're just filling a gap in your life.

And I'd go more for hobbies or whatever as a way of meeting people. Decent guys don't tend to need online dating because they get snapped up quickly. For every one nice man, there are 10 or more nice women.

Original poster
Unluckyinlove2019 · 15/07/2019 02:11

@Honeyroar see that's the thing... if the silence going's on hadn't have happened earlier in the week I may have let the Saturday slide without much question, or with a good excuse at least.

But coupled together I just thought, nah you're taking the piss. Called him out on it and he told me to take care?!?!

Not gonna lie it's really bothered me Sad as I haven't liked a guy this much in ages and thought he felt the same.

Waaaah!

OP posts:
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