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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice on my bf.. Are these abuse signs? Please help

31 replies

Felicityx01 · 29/06/2019 12:17

Hi

So I've been with my bf for 5 months now and I seem to be the only one making an effort in this relationship.. I've met some of his family, I always drive to his place as he doesn't drive, I always ask him when he's next free and when his days are from work, I say to him I really would like us to make plans for a day out.
In return he makes no effort to get transport to spend time with me at my place, I say to him I would like you to meet my Family and seems like he's blowing me off with any excuse, I'm mostly always the one to text him first in the morning, also he's lazy and does marijuana, now we're not speaking at the moment as he got moody with me as I was busy sorting my DS out and did not text back within 10 mins.. and yet he can go hours sometimes 12 hours without speaking to me and I don't get moody as I understand he's busy at work etc
He says he loves me and wants a future with me and kids etc but I'm not sure if this is true and actions speak louder than words..
Please can I have some of your advice on what to do shall I not speak to him until he gets in contact with me or should I end the relationship?

OP posts:
takeanotherchillpill · 29/06/2019 12:22

Read back what you've written here.

End the relationship.

S1naidSucks · 29/06/2019 12:25

What a waste of energy, trying to have a relationship with a man that neither cares about or respects you. Honestly OP, it’s only going to get worse.

BeautifulBlaze · 29/06/2019 12:27

You want a man like this, who also smokes weed around your SON ... Give your head a good shake!!!!

ashtrayheart · 29/06/2019 12:27

You and your child are worth much more than this! Break it off now before you are in deeper.

Apileofballyhoo · 29/06/2019 12:28

End it.

newmomof1 · 29/06/2019 12:28

If you need to ask you already know the answer OP

TheInebriati · 29/06/2019 12:39

He acts like he isn't that into you and makes no effort. He is asking you to make all the running. Thats a bad habit to get into. Its not a red flag for abuse now, but it doesn't bode well for the future.

Lllot5 · 29/06/2019 12:43

How many times am I going to read posts on here like this? Ffs get rid of him.
From your own description of him he sounds a shitter why would you continue seeing him?

FuriousVexation · 29/06/2019 12:44

Christ alive OP, do you really need to ask?

He's not abusive, he's just a common or garden lazy twat. Set your bar higher!

1forAll74 · 29/06/2019 13:02

I would say, end it all before you just end up hanging about for this man, it's all a pointless relationship by the sound of it.. I know the issues that some people have with smoking weed, they seem to lose all incentive to do much at all, or moreso,they have ideas of doing things,but never do them, and then seem lazy and irresponsible about things.

happybunny007 · 29/06/2019 13:04

It doesn't need to be abuse to make it a 'not good enough' relationship.

TeaForTheWin · 29/06/2019 13:12

He's a prat and possibly showing signs that he might become a controlling twat, which links with abuse.

Either way though, right now he is moody, lazy and a pot head and that should be enough for you to walk away. You have a kid to think about and he is not the sort of person I would want around mine.

category12 · 29/06/2019 13:29

What on earth are you bothering with him for?

He says stuff to keep you hanging on, but face it, it's bullshit and his actions don't match up.

5 months in and he can't be arsed - this would normally be the exciting happy time where you're all loved up and excited to be with each other, the honeymoon period.

Dump his arse.

ConcreteUnderpants · 29/06/2019 13:33

Echoing all the PP's.
What an utter loser. Dump him and find someone worthy of your efforts and who is willing to put a bit of effort in as well.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 29/06/2019 14:21

Yes, please just read back what you've written but as if someone else wrote it.

SavingSpaces2019 · 29/06/2019 15:13

You've only known him 5 months -
and you expect to have met each others families? Hmm
you've introduced him to your son?
You know he's lazy, addicted to weed and chooses not to make an effort - and you still keep trying to flog a dead horse?

I think you know you deserve better than this.

Rammingspeed · 29/06/2019 17:41

Weed will be his first, his last, his everything.
Let go and move on now.

WhiteVixen · 29/06/2019 17:45

Might not be abuse but jeez it’s not great is it? Why on earth are you trying to keep hold of this prince among men? Set your standards higher and cut him loose.

Bringmewineandcake · 29/06/2019 17:48

End it. Without a shadow of a doubt. Just end it.

SpanishTiles · 29/06/2019 17:51

Dump!

wheelywheelynice · 29/06/2019 18:04

He's a loser. End it.

sluj · 29/06/2019 18:06

You can do better

MrHaroldFry · 29/06/2019 18:13

Man child! I wouldn't waste one more single day on this specimen. You aren't looking for another moody child, you are looking for a partner, 50/50 kind of deal. You can absolutely do better.

Bananalanacake · 29/06/2019 18:18

I am hoping he works or you wouldn't be with him. but still. don't waste time with a druggie.

thegirlracer · 29/06/2019 18:32

Please do not have kids with this man child. He’s a druggie!