This IS a red flag isn't it?

[Nofilter]

Hi,

Looking for perspective as not 100% clear on this..

Chatting to a guy I've met last night, and he made a joke within a conversation that "I would date a man if he was married." I said "What?!?!"

And "no I wouldn't ever do that" and never have. I've been cheated on by someone I really loved, that's my experience of infidelity but I most certainly have not or will ever cheat!

Today I can't get it out of my head it's really changed my feeling literally like the wind. Firstly he can't really think much of me to think this! Secondly it's like a red flag for some reason it makes me think he's hiding something OR speaking to someone else alongside me and has us mixed up!

But then rationally he could have just made a genuine mistake and I'm overthinking it?

This isn't good is it?

Thanks

He's married.

Absolutely he’s married and trying to find out if you’ll be ok with being the OW.

Married

This is what I thought - was he trying to float it and test me out?

OMG how can people be such arseholes! I'm so glad I've listened to my spidey senses I didn't really understand why this bothered me so much but it has to be that doesn't it!

Luckily I've only been chatting to him for a few days.

Goodbye!

What does he expect you to say? Yes, I’d love to go out with a married man?

He could be making a joke or he could be in the middle of a divorce. Some take years to go through so technically he’s still married. I would tell him that you’re not happy with what he’s said and that if he is married then no you wouldn’t date him but sometime people say silly things and don’t actually think before they speak.
You will know very soon by his actions if he is married and how often and the times he can talk etc.

It was said in the context of discussing the minefield that is online dating.. That so many married men using it for the wrong reasons etc

I think he might be married and sounding you out for if you'd be ok with that

Hi Nofilter,

Tbh 100% red flag... also the majority of single people wouldn't even bring up the whole dating while married

Go with you gut...it won't steer you wrong!

He's married, and/or projecting his own chronic infidelity onto you. Either way, hills are that way--->

Married. Avoid.

Thanks! Feel like a complete idiot but wow he's got a good spiel!

And luckily nothings happened only been chatting in this way since Wednesday, bumped into him a month ago - he's the boss of the agent who's dealing with the sale of my business!

It would literally be a questions to my account manager - a lovely chatty girl in the office - "Is Mr X single."

Which makes me more dumbfounded! He didn't reply to my question about it and has gone radio silent - or is now at home with his wife!

Also last night he said "I'm going to my friends dads 80th tomorrow until Sunday - to which I replied ok but you'll still be able to chat would t you. He said "of course."

Tonight he mentioned being at squash (9ish) so don't even think he's remembered to keep up that lie from yesterday!

Hmm I'm considering revenge here for taking me for an absolute idiot! His poor poor wife if that is the reality. It makes me sick :(

He's definitely married

Maybe he's not married but he's a twat for sure.

Yep...could well be testing the waters to see if you’re up for a bit of side-knobbing.

Some men are arseholes. Take the positive, you spotted it in days!

Urgh. Yes well done on those spidey senses, you seemed to have caught this one out early doors! It’s hurtful and a horrible feeling finding men who are liars but infinitely better than the alternative.

I know so relieved. Actually not disappointed or anything just glad I didn't have to go through drama - gobsmacked though at the audacity!

Still not replied to my message about it - hmmm that's normal isn't it?

Such a terrible sloppy liar too!

Good gut instincts, OP. Follow them!

Either married or trying to test your moral boundaries, each being a red flag.

He's just responded "I'm sorry I thought you had! (Dated married men sic) My Bad, God it's warm..."

Not sure how to respond or if I can even be bothered to go through the whole - "Your married" "No I'm not"...

So basically 'I thought you were a shitty person' is the implication. Yeah, ditch and run as he is clearly implying you have low moral standards (probably because HE does and so he will project them onto you if the relationship progresses).

Tbh OP when I first read it, I thought he was telling you he was bi. As in he would happily see a married man!
Either way, I'd leave the. Too many games so early on.

I just responded in the end with.. "That's the kind of thing a married man would say to gage whether someone was ok with infidelity. There are red flags all over the place coming from you. If I had to guess I think your in a long term relationship or married."

No reply! He was texting me about 20 times a day Weds/Thurs - while under the cover of work!

Onwards and upwards thank you!