So... been seeing an ex for the past 2 years. We are not in a relationship officially.
Initially this was because of the fear of the reaction of both our families as the split before was very hard on me and basically wouldn't be happy.
After suffering a late miscarriage he left me and got with a much younger woman. I was heartbroken. He was also step dad for a few years to my other kids and they were upset too.
Anyway he went on to have a child with her but they were very on and off and things didn't last. They were together about 2 years. They split when the child was 7 months.
She had threatened to remove access to his child if he basically pisses her off in any way. Whether this be not paying her money or him dating anyone else. Hence she does not know about us.
Overall I'm not too concerned by this as I honestly don't need the hassle and I'm very protective of my own children and the family routine we have built. I don't want a live in partner. I just want a "boyfriend" to give me some attention and affection when my kids are with their dad and I have free time.
So in away I am just as reluctant as him to go public and be official etc although we are quite close and have agreed to be exclusive. I guess I just selfishly want someone who wants me for me.
The issue at the moment however seems to be that they are spending a fair bit of time together.
The first occasion I found out about was a visit to the countryside just the 3 of them. He didn't tell me and I was very hurt and upset with him. I know she wants him back, she has told him as much and she isn't seeing anyone else despite all the time they have been apart now.
After a big argument he explained that they just wanted to give the child a day out etc and he agreed to tell me in future.
So, he then let me know that he had called to her home to visit DC on the off chance and she was just about to go into town shopping so he went with them.
Now he's just told me that they are attending the local summer gala together this weekend. He says he doesn't want anyone to tell me and me get any wrong ideas.
On the one hand, I'm glad he is being upfront and honest. On the other I think maybe he's only told me because it's so close to home and he will most likely be seen by mutual friends.
What is upsetting me is that I just don't see the reasoning behind it. He says it's because he wants to treat the child, I get that completely and why not?! But WHY does she have to join in? It's a local place and will just be for an hour or two?
If she knew about me and all was out in the open then I would be less suspicious. But as things stand it's as though they are out doing family things and she's there's getting her hopes up for more whilst I only get to see him in secret.
It's not as though we even go away together or anything! I would love for us two to go on a trip in the sunshine together and walk holding hands and all that jazz.
Am I being needy?
I totally get them going to parents events together, drs appointments, that kind of thing...but this? It just feels odd.
I would never go with my ex and my DC for anything unless it was the hospital or such like. Any fun things I do with them on my own and likewise him with them when he has them. It's just how it is.
Any thoughts? Please be kind.
Thank you all