DH and colleague - am I overreacting

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I think a line has been crossed, DH disagrees so how would you feel about this.

I've had a niggle about this woman before, he has mentioned her a few times but nothing untoward. Friday he was out with work in a diff city and came home absolutely steaming drunk. He left at around 1030 to get the train but was sending her Facebook messages until gone 1am. Very jokey, talking about hating leaving early, telling her she should go and shag her husband. I feel very uncomfortable about this but he is saying it is just work banter and I'm overreacting by being upset. Am I?

Relationship great otherwise, never had anything like this before.

Sometimes I've found relaying the situation with roles reversed helps my OH to understand why I'm angry- eg. How would it feel if I dressed up especially for a guy at work you suspected I'd been flirting with? Messaging him privately till 2am? Etc ideally asking with no emotion - (very hard I know!!)

Take evidence and throw him the fuck out.
So sorry your dh is a dick. X

Is there anything suspect in his deleted photos?

Tell him to leave immediately and stay elsewhere. It's really important he knows that you are not a woman to be trifled with. He's had his warning and has he heeded it? No. He's ramped up the sexy banter.

Look it isn't a court of law and there isn't a judge requesting proof of an affair. You had it out with him before, he knew you were upset and he just doesn't care.

Give him some space to have a think about his actions. Tell him to go and you'll talk when you are ready .

What an absolute dick!

He knew your feelings about speaking to her in an unprofessional manner yet did it anyway.
Plus, I'm sure he knew you'd be hyper vigilant this time so he was a complete idiot for trying again!

Oh no gutted for you!!! Stay strong x

Doing this it once and you might get away with “drunken banter”, but doing it twice, no way.

He doesn’t give a damn that you’re going to see these messages, and he knows what you’re reaction would be.

Time for a very serious chats, I’d be asking if he’s trying to ruin his marriage because he’s going the right way about it.

Just caught up on this thread. I'm gutted for you OP, I've found messaged similar from an ex of mine to one of his best mates fiancée behind his and my back! I was gutted. I binned him, eventually. Was easier for me as we hadn't been together all that long. But just feel gutted for you that this is happening 😞 x

Once they get a taste of the "fun" it's hard for them to stop . I listened to a group of guys talk about affairs and they were saying this - it was the "rush" they got from it . He needs to decide what he wants in life.

Posted too soon - of course as do you !

Sadly it is indeed ‘the rush’ for many guys, it’s not that many want to end relationships, it’s that they like to feel they still ‘have it’and they end up playing Russian roulette with relationships.

I haven't spoken to him yet, he moved the convo on from Facebook to wassap so maybe thought I wouldn't look there, or as I suspect will say there is nothing to see. I'm away with work until weds now, so I'm going to do some serious thinking about this. There is nothing direct in the messages but it's dodgy, I need to not be accepting this minimising and like someone said try and get him to see it from if I was doing it with a male colleague. It hasn't carried on over the weekend which I suppose is something, he is clearly limiting it to drunken nights together

There is nothing direct in the messages but it's dodgy, I need to not be accepting this minimising and like someone said try and get him to see it from if I was doing it with a male colleague. It hasn't carried on over the weekend which I suppose is something, he is clearly limiting it to drunken nights together

But I think you are now minimising it yourself, OP. I honestly wouldn't bother with trying to explain how it would make him feel if the roles were reversed. If you let this pass, it will only get worse.

This is practically cheating already, at least I see it as such. It's disrespective and pathetic and incredibly emotionally unintelligent, from both of them.

He's not going to admit to anything or try to see it from your point of view. He's enjoying it and wants it to continue, which is why he's hiding it. If it were me I would be done.

OP, you are doing brilliantly. I’d be using the analogy above and also asking if it’s nothing at all, would it be OK for her husband to see them? Would that be something he is ok with? Or his Mum maybe? The test for me is if you’d be ashamed of what someone else thinks.

I’m sorry OP but he is probably sexually interested in her and you have every right to be furious

Oh please what is there to think about unless you're waiting to decide how to dump him in a spectacular fashion? He's a deceitful asshole!

While the cats away... any chance you could unexpectedly come home early?

I don't think for a second he would bring her back, seperate city, kids there. If I thought that I'd be gone

No. But wouldn't you expect him to be where he says he is, or doing what he supposed to be doing? Either way don't be predictable in your own movements.