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Original poster

DH and colleague - am I overreacting

69 replies

twitterbird · 28/06/2019 08:40

I think a line has been crossed, DH disagrees so how would you feel about this.

I've had a niggle about this woman before, he has mentioned her a few times but nothing untoward. Friday he was out with work in a diff city and came home absolutely steaming drunk. He left at around 1030 to get the train but was sending her Facebook messages until gone 1am. Very jokey, talking about hating leaving early, telling her she should go and shag her husband. I feel very uncomfortable about this but he is saying it is just work banter and I'm overreacting by being upset. Am I?

Relationship great otherwise, never had anything like this before.

OP posts:
Original poster
twitterbird · 28/06/2019 20:57

It's one to keep an eye on def, he is minimising, he wasn't sending these messages at home either he stayed out by himself, and I'm also uncomfortable about these seemingly "in jokes" they seem to share. I'm not going to harp on about it it is DD birthday Sunday and I don't dont an atmosphere but he knows his card is marked.

Honest to god, I've read threads on here about affairs at work and thought that they are breeding places for this kind of thing, stressed out couples having a laugh outside of the home environment - just never thought it would be us Sad

OP posts:
flossie86 · 28/06/2019 22:32

What good does "going nuclear" do? Let him do whatever he thinks is right. Then you get to see what kind of person he is without you intervening.

this

Original poster
twitterbird · 14/07/2019 21:45

He has Fucking done it again - out Friday and the messages are worse than the last onesAngryonly just managed to get hold of phone

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Original poster
twitterbird · 14/07/2019 21:46

Wtaf do I do now?!

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 14/07/2019 21:47

You need to speak to. Him. Did he go out with her on Friday? What do the messages say?

Original poster
twitterbird · 14/07/2019 21:49

He started it again, mutual jokes, then they went into talking about other colleagues and their sex lives (assuming) he left at 11 - messages went back and forth until 2

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Original poster
twitterbird · 14/07/2019 21:51

He is clearly gearing up to ask her if she wants to sleep with him - I'm so fucking angry, there were messages about what he was wearing and that he had made an effort after her critique of his clothing AngryAngryAngry

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Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah · 14/07/2019 21:53

Have you spoken to him? Sorry OP this is building Flowers

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 14/07/2019 21:53

No thats not work banter. It's actually a really crude thing to say to a work colleague and I'd remind him that she could haul him up in front of HR.

DpWm · 14/07/2019 21:58

And he accidentally sent a message to you on WhatsApp and deleted it and won't tell you what it is?

DpWm · 14/07/2019 21:59

He's dodgy as fuck, sorry.

I'd sleep in separate rooms at the very least.

Original poster
twitterbird · 14/07/2019 22:00

No I've accessed his wassap and seen he has sent a message then deleted it Shock

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Original poster
twitterbird · 14/07/2019 22:00

I'm not fucking proud of it but I KNEW there wed more to come after the other week Sad

OP posts:
mrswarthog · 14/07/2019 22:03

Throw him out, keep his phone, give him clothes for work tomorrow & put him outside. And tell his mum.

Original poster
twitterbird · 14/07/2019 22:04

I'm so angry he is not going to say it's anything - just conversation

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Original poster
twitterbird · 14/07/2019 22:05

I don't know how to deal with this

OP posts:
Original poster
twitterbird · 14/07/2019 22:06

It's not blatant though, I don't know what that picture was but if it was sexual I won't even know

OP posts:
RLOU30 · 14/07/2019 22:09

Fuck that.
You know what it is, you know it's something. Do not let him tell you otherwise.
You poor thing bloody hate these threads Flowers

foreverhanging · 14/07/2019 22:12

I'd be fucking done op.

Minkies11 · 14/07/2019 22:13

He needs a sort sharp shock back to reality. Kick him out or go and see a solicitor. What a complete dick he is. You must be bloody raging at him and he deserves it. Take control back and show him just how badly he has crossed the line.

Somethingnothing · 14/07/2019 22:14

I'm sorry OP. He sounds like he's checked out. You deserve better Flowers

Windmillwhirl · 14/07/2019 22:14

He's enjoying the flirtation over your upset. I'd tell him to go. See how that goes down. Totally disrespectful and she's no better.

ImNotYourGranny · 14/07/2019 22:19

He made an effort with his appearance just for her. Ain't that nice. NOT!

If he's not cheating now he will be soon. What a scumbag.

MsDogLady · 14/07/2019 22:42

You set your boundary after the previous inappropriate messages. You said that he knew his card was marked. He obviously doesn’t care and feels entitled to carry on with her. Sexualized messaging until 2 a.m. Telling her he dressed just for her. That IS blatantly inappropriate, no matter how much he minimizes.

She is his priority. They are developing an emotional connection and it will go physical.

Give him a sharp shock by telling him to leave. He needs an effective consequence and you need space. He has been making a fool of you.

Clayplease · 14/07/2019 22:54

Feel so angry on your behalf. Sorry no good advice except go hard on him and keep to your word I guess. (And look after yourself, do something nice). Thanks

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