Just need to get this out -feel like teenager does he like me? Am i just being an idiot?

[Justme1981]

Hi all
So this is ridiculous, but here goes.
My perception of relationships is wonky having been in an abusive/controlling relationship for 14 years. Im 7 months out of that, and getting back to being me (if that makes sense)
I ran into an ex colleague with my ds & his ds at a play centre. We clicked, exchanged phone numbers, have been messaging most days since. We met up & had a lovely day together 3 weeks ago, still messaging. He has a girlfriend, the only things hes told me are they are struggling, argue & have no family time together as she works every weekend. He rarely mentions her. They are on a uk holiday together this week, he normally messages every evening & we chat, hes said "na night" "xx" to me pretty much every night for over a month, the xx are always on a separate message, except this week, ive had a few messages but no conversations. I can't tell if we are friends or leading to more than that. Ive missed chatting to him this week. I feel conflicted as its right he works on his relationship with his ds mum but i like him too much!! Basically im an idiot & sound like a teenager!!! Just needed to get it out there! All comments welcome - i think i need to give my head a wobble!!!

You sound very naive. You clearly want to be more than friends as does he. You are having an emotional affair. You need to value yourself more highly - this is difficult after an abusive relationship but why would you want to get involved with a guy who isn’t single?

My best friend of many years is a man, OP. I have never started a thread on the internet saying that he makes me feel like a teenager, and are we ‘just friends or leading to more than that’?’

You have no boundaries and appear not to understand the difference between platonic friendship and a sexual relationship, and what’s more, you don’t appear to grasp that as he’s unavailable, it doesn’t matter whether he is wildly attracted to you or thinks you look like Miss Trunchbull on a bad hair day.

He's in a relationship!!!! Stay away from him. So selfish.

I think ive been misunderstood here, i do care that hes in a relationship, i thought we were just friends until my other friends pointed out that it looked like something more etc i posted for a range of views as ive said before i know my judgement is off, the feeling like a teenager bit is because i was having to ask 🤦‍♀️
Im just trying to understand the situation, i would never have an affair with someone in a relationship.

I don’t think you have been misunderstood. I think you don’t realise you are having an emotional affair already.

Wise up!

You're back tracking OP. You know you want to be more than friends. You "like him too much". Walk well away.

And now he's taking delight in rubbing your nose in it.
Just block, ignore and delete.
Job done!

Just either ignore or don't respond straight away. He has had a good time with his family BUT he knows you are interested in him so he is keeping you hooked. It's obvious you want him to like you but it's drama if you get involved.

If you feel desperate to respond ask about his gf and little boy, if you were truly interested in friendship you would be extending your friendship to all of them.

Total side note- he's putting the "xx" on a separate message so that he can delete that one in case his gf checks his texts and he can claim that it's all innocent from his side. Don't be sucked in and made to look like the bad guy!

Good point, @labyrinth. I was vaguely wondering, but you’re right, of course.

Your perception of relationships is still very wonky. You don’t flirt and message a man who is in a relationship. The woman is the mother of this cheating man’s child and is his partner. The reason he is not messaging you while he is on holiday with his partner and son is because he is sneaking behind her back and doesn’t message other women in front of her.

Don’t be the OW OP. If you were in a relationship with him he would eventually be messaging some other woman.

Thanks for all your thoughts