Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

[Craftycorvid]

Well done on staying AF at a festival Lilyrose and how brilliant that AA have a tent there! I’d definitely call by if at a festival, for a check in and confirmation that I’m doing what I need to for me (if that makes sense)?

[LilyRose88]

Crafty the festival is tomorrow but I am determined to stay AF as I feel so much better. Met up with a friend today and had soda water and lime. We were both driving so it was easy to say that I was having a soft drink. I did tell her that I had stopped drinking for a while. I am definitely going to check out the AA tent tomorrow and have a quick chat with them. I'm not going to a meeting tonight as I have only just got home and I'm starving. I don't fancy rushing off to a meeting with my stomach rumbling. And I can check in tomorrow so I feel more relaxed about missing a meeting today. I am slowly building up a portfolio of convenient meetings that I can go to, which is comforting. This time last week I was getting ready to go out with my ex and I got a bit drunk. I haven't had a drink since.

[NaToth]

Adding myself to this thread so I can find it again.

[venusandmars]

Welcome NaToth drop in and post whenever you feel the time is right.

LilyRose hope you're having a fabulous time at your festival. At least there's a chance you might remember it

[LilyRose88]

Well I survived the festival but to be honest I didn't really enjoy it. It was very crowded, the AA tent had been packed away by the time I got there, and it was really difficult to find the water stations! I did watch some of the acts on the main stage, but I ended up getting covered in other people's alcoholic drinks as they were all so pissed that they kept falling over and spilling them everywhere. I left early as I decided that being at home watching Netflix with a bar of chocolate was more preferable. Lesson learned - some experiences do not work well if you are AF!

[Craftycorvid]

Lilyrose sorry the festival was a bit of a let-down but with the weather we’ve had, your sofa and chocolate has to be the better option!

[LilyRose88]

Crafty yes the sofa and chocolate was a much better option . Just been to another AA meeting which I found very hard work. Everyone knew each other and there was lots of banter and in jokes which I found a bit overwhelming. And everyone had been to rehab, were previously the sort of drinkers who drunk all day everyday, bottles of vodka under the bed etc, and I just couldn't identify with anything they said. They had all been sober for years as well, so I felt really different to them, and I didn't get a chance to share anything as they all talked for so long! I am glad that I went, but it wasn't a nice experience. At least I know what that group is like, and I will avoid it unless I am desperate to go to a meeting. I haven't had a drink now for 10 days.

[Craftycorvid]

Sorry to hear that the AA meeting was a bit intimidating, Lilyrose - I’ve never been to one so can’t say if your experience is usual or not. Other babes will be able to offer good advice. All I can say is if you experience yourself as having a problematic relationship with alcohol, then you have as legitimate a claim to attend AA as the person who is hiding their vodka stash under the bed.

[venusandmars]

LilyRose reading your account of the festival it just reminds me how shit some occasions really are - ones that in a drunken state we thought were good. How deluded we have been! Netflix and chocolate sounds like a dream by comparison

Banter and in-jokes are horrible, and it's one of the things I hope we don't fall prey to too much on here! It would be horrid to think that someone was put off from posting because they joined in the middle of a particularly obscure set of posts about green opal fruits or horrid baby doll But it is worth experimenting with different AA meetings and finding out which ones do, and don't suit you. And you never know, you could find yourself on a Monday afternoon, just desperate for some support, and any meeting might be better than none.

I also remember someone talking about the 'yets':
I haven't needed rehab - yet
I don't hide vodka under my bed - yet
I don't crave a drink at 10 in the morning - yet
A whole list of things that we may not have experienced but which could / might have become part of our own vocabulary and life story if we had not been brave enough to call time and take some action. It's part of the slippery slope that we all hope we won't reach.

[LilyRose88]

venusandmars yes it is interesting how different things look when you are sober. Walking to the station to go home one night last week after an AA meeting I walked past a number of pubs with lots of drunken people outside, all talking shite. . I remember doing similar things in the past, whereas now I find drunk people quite boring (at best) and downright annoying (when they spill their drinks all over me!)

I understand where you are going with the 'yets'. I guess I find it very hard to identify with people whose experience is so much more extreme than mine. I have always had a problem with alcohol, but I have always been able to hold down a job, bring up children on my own, pay my bills etc. Someone told me at one of the meetings that there are different kinds of alcoholics, and that I had clearly been a very high functioning alcoholic. I could go weeks, months (and on one occasion 10 years) without drinking and I was very disciplined about when I would drink, to ensure that it did not cause too much disruption to my life, but I did have a problem with the stop button once I had my first drink.

I realise that I can never be a normal drinker, as I can't imagine only having one drink. I would much rather not drink at all than have just one drink. My reasoning was why drink one glass of wine when you can have the whole bottle.

[Craftycorvid]

I also find the ‘yets’ interesting. For the longest time the argument that went round in my head involved loads of ‘yets’ and, to be fair, my use of alcohol never led me into anything extreme. Like you Lilyrose I guess I was ‘high functioning’. The difference now is realising how much head space drinking took up: when could I drink and get away with it (and resulting slughishness the next day)? When could I get the next drink in at a social gathering without it being apparent I was drinking more and faster than anyone else? Etc. Also knowing I don’t have the capacity to moderate for that long ie the amount will ALWAYS creep up. Those things may go unnoticed by others but they have the power to make our lives feel very difficult. Personally, I think there is more recognition now that problematic drinking covers a spectrum - whether we go on an epic bender once a full moon or quietly knock back the gin of an evening, it’s our relationship with what we are doing that matters.

[LilyRose88]

Craftycorvid I agree that there is more recognition now about the wider spectrum of problem drinking. There is a thread in Chat at the moment where someone asks about how to define alcoholism. The original poster says that they drink 3-4 bottles of wine a week, sometimes more, but does not see it as a problem. To me that is excessive drinking and I would say it comes under the alcoholic spectrum. I rarely drank that much - it was often just one bottle a week, but I always finished the bottle .

[MintToBee]

Hello. Just checking in. This week has been tough. It's a year since Mum died and I'm all over the place. Work have also arranged a day out gin tasting. I have had to say No then all I got was "You can have one day off not drinking, just this once" etc etc .No. I can't. If I start drinking I wont stop is what I wanted to say. Instead I wimped out and said maybe. There is so much stigma attached to not drinking in today's culture. Thinking about Mum and how she died with hidden vodka bottles in the house and her dead bowel, I can never drink again. I can't end up like her.

[Craftycorvid]

Mint . For you and your mum. I’m sorry you had to contend with an insensitive response to not wanting to go on the gin-tasting day. Would we say to someone with a violent allergy to alcohol ‘go on, one won’t hurt?’ Alcohol is truly the only drug we feel we have to apologise for not using, isn’t it?

[Craftycorvid]

And we know one definitely will hurt. It wouldn’t just be ‘one’ and we can’t take a day off from sobriety. I guess people who say this kind of thing just can’t empathise or feel discomfort at some level with their own drinking habits.

[venusandmars]

Oh mint that's tough. Would they ask a vegetarian to go to steak experience? Or a diabetic to share afternoon tea? Is there nothing similar in a Seedlip factory, and would your colleagues go to that?

Your Mum, in her secret heart of hearts would have been overjoyed at the choices you have made. You are doing so well to choose a different path xx

[marlu]

Condolences mint. I'm sure it has been a tough year for you losing your mum.
It's a pity your colleagues can't respect your decision not to partake in the gin tasting. At the end of the day, it's all about choices and respecting the choices people make whether we agree with them or not (as long as those choices don't hurt anyone else, which in this case they don't).

[LilyRose88]

Sorry to hear about your Mum Mint. It sounds as though your colleagues are being very insensitive about the gin tasting. Most places where I have worked have had one or two people who don't drink for a number of reasons - for some people it is for religious or cultural reasons and some people genuinely don't like alcohol. I would stick to my guns in your situation and tell your colleagues that you don't want to go. Gin is very much an acquired taste and even if I was drinking I wouldn't go gin tasting as I hate the stuff!

I went out with my daughters for my birthday yesterday and we had a posh afternoon tea. I took them to the hotel bar afterwards and had a soft drink while they had a cocktail. I felt fine about it and I also told them that I had started going to AA. They were very supportive and I am glad that I told them. I probably won't tell friends and colleagues that I am going to AA, but I will tell them that I have stopped drinking.

So far I haven't been tempted to have a drink, but it is only 14 days.

[dementedma]

Here you all are, couldn’t find the thread.
Must read back. Been a grim few weeks. DD2 and her fiancé have split up, wedding is off. venus will pm you

[marlu]

Sorry to hear that ma. Hope things settle down for you soon.

[Rightwayup]

Sorry to hear that ma. Mint you have done so well. Did you just stop cold turkey? If so from what amount and any withdrawal symptoms?

[Craftycorvid]

Sorry to hear this, ma.

[LilyRose88]

Sorry to hear that you have had a tough time ma.

I still haven't had a drink. I met some friends yesterday to have lunch and see a show. They wanted to go for drinks afterwards but I decided to go home as they both usually drink quite a lot. In the end I think they just had one drink and went home themselves. I told them that I have stopped drinking but didn't mention that I am going to AA. I am going to see if there is a meeting I can go to tonight as I haven't been to one since Thursday and it would be good to check in.

My sugar cravings are dying down a bit, which is a relief as I can't fit into many of my clothes at the moment!

[SkaTastic]

Need to join this thread I am so sick of alcohol taking up space in my brain. It feels to be all consuming, my crutch, my obsession. Totally unhealthy and I need to drastically cut back if not stop all together. I am fat and depressed and drinking isn't helping.

[venusandmars]

Great to see you here Ska and well done for posting.

What are your plans for this evening? - some nice fresh juice or a warming cup of tea, maybe something to keep you busy. What are your pressure times? Try to find some alternative activities for then, painting your toenails, brushing your teeth, doing an online jigsaw.