Husband messaging another woman at work

[user1487797565]

Hi feeling really low and sad tonight.

My husband been acting weirdly lately and I’ve been thinking something going on so today on rate time he was working from home I looked at his work laptop whilst he had to pop out.

So I found loads and loads of messages from this woman who works same place has no connection with his job. Skype business calls, instant messsge logs, all day everyday.

In the messages they share secrets, he moans about me. Makes me sound like pathetic spoilt woman and poor him and she keeps saying how lucky I am. He doesn’t even call me a name. Just wife and tells. Like ‘wife out tonight’.

I gave up an amazing job to be at home with kids I do everything for them and only reason he got the job which he wasn’t trained or had any experience was my contacts and coaching him.

He is bit of a geek and sits on laptop most nights playing weird games. I feel lonely a lot of the time.

He has said it’s nothing and nothing happened between them but why constant messages for 15 months and to be not talking of me other than nasty ones. Also why has he kept this frequent message friend a secret. He gets jealous if I text my gay friend who is married to gay husband and camp as Christmas!

It’s very flirty tone and I’m just lay in bed thinking what to do. He has a history of messaging other people in the past so I’m just wondering what on earth to do.

It’s making me question my marriage I’m not that happy he never kisses me or hugs me unless once every now and then he wants to do the deed. I’m late 30’s nice weight go to gym etc but I don’t feel like he is interested in me.

He said he wants to throw himself under a bus tonight but I’m not feeling sorry for him.

Any advice please xx

She’s married too! Just keep remembering all their messages makes my skin crawl. He told her about his ex wife proposal where it was and how I didn’t know. We go there a lot, that’s those memories tarnished now

He made a point of telling her that you didn't know the thing he was telling her?

He's stunted. An emotional dwarf. You won't fix him. Sorry.

Yes he said wife doesn’t know...

And then went on and made joke about his proposal to me

What a shit. You're probably still in shock.

Yes I keep crying then feeling really angry

Sweet tea really does help. You won't stop your mind racing though. It takes a while to all sink in x

Honey if he wants to throw himself under a bus bring him home a bus schedule and a map the motherfucker should do the world a favor!

This is the worst especially when you think you know the person then it turns out they are someone so different to everyone else! Except when they try to convince you they aren't!

It's hard especially when he has talked about you the way he has. What makes her so special he can't talk to his wife?

Whatever you do I hope you're ok and know you aren't alone x

:(

I have no advice OP but I’m truly sorry this is happening to you. You deserve better

What a massive betrayal of trust. He should be on your team, not complaining about you to others. He's an attention seeking twat.

Recommend you make sure he has life insurance before he throws himself under a bus.

Took some kalms in the end and has helped sleep few hours.

Yes even things like she said ‘hope you get spoilt rotten for Father’s Day’.... and he replied pfft! That hurts as children wrote and did special things and he got massive present which none was mentioned afterwards. Attention seeking twat indeed!!

I’m on here as I really need strength to do this and I think my friends will prob try to convince me to stay. As he appears such good husband in public affectionate etc whereas behind closed doors he isn’t.

This is utterly appalling behaviour.

I’d actually be inclined to sit him down and read them out to him. Make him actually and listen aloud to what he wrote/said.

Absolutely awful behaviour and def an emotional affair

I would imagine he has deleted it all now it’s first time I’ve ever got a minute alone with his logged on laptop

I've just read through all this I'm
So sorry it bloody awful to discover the person you trust most has such little respect for you. 15 months of tarnishing your name to someone stroking his ego is a long time..!! I have read how he's tried to twist it around and minimise his actions - I'm familiar with this and it's a tactical approach. Pack him a bag and tell him you need some space, that will put a rocket up his backside! Also if you can screen shot some of the messages and find out exactly who this woman is as it may come in handy at some point.

You said about his proposal to ex-wife; so was he married before you? What happened in that relationship, why did it end?

I’ve googled woman she is on linked in.

Don’t know ins and outs always got his side of things so who knows only married 18 months. When we first got together after a year he kept getting late night messages from a woman at work. Saying inappropriate things so I think he is a serial emotional affair. Another time I was using his phone whilst he was driving and messages came up from old old ex and was using pet names he called me to her. I think this time it’s too far 15 months (that I know of!) is long enough to realise this isn’t right. Also I’m taking kids away in 5 weeks and they seemed to be counting down to this

I won’t be able to get into his emails again it’s massive business confidential stuff and you have to go through massive security to log on I should of taken photos but was really shaking etc.

Don't put up with this shit. He's clearly been cheating on you for a while, it could have been physical as well. Sounds like you're the capable one so leave him and let him struggle on his own

You deserve so much better than this. Stay strong and do what is right for you and your children

Christ. Having the affair is bad enough but what would hurt even more is the fact he's been slagging you off to her for over a year! Good that he's crying!! I wouldn't give a shite.

You deserve better. Sling him out

Don’t beat yourself up you must have been in shock.

He clearly “has form” for this.
You basically need to decide whether you are prepared to be dealing with this sort of thing again in 5/10/15/20 years or not.

He’s crying again this morning saying I dong us to throw this all away. I said ‘us’??!! Cheeky shite. I’ve also reminded me of all the evenings I spend lonely whilst he is on his sad boring geek laptop games. Being a dwarf or something fighting random strangers rather than having n evening with me.

This is horrible, op, I really feel for you. Different circumstances, but I found out my STBXH has been lying to me for over a year. Once I'd got over the horrible shock it gave me the push I needed to finally leave as I'd not been happy for a long time. I'm now so much happier. I hope you find happiness. You sound strong :)

@PregnantOnPurpose ,I've reported your racist insult. What's wrong with you?