Should I let my boyfriend pay for us both to go on holiday?

[Bellatrix14]

My boyfriend of almost two years (we don’t live together, which I guess is relevant) would like for us to go on a holiday abroad this year. I can’t afford a holiday abroad. He is happy to pay for us both to go, and can afford to do so, but I’m not really comfortable with him spending that amount of money on what is essentially a gift. My argument is that it is my “problem” that I can’t afford to go on holiday, and I’m uncomfortable with the idea of him subbing me. His slightly tongue in cheek argument is that he wants to go on holiday (and particularly that he wants to go with me), he won’t go on his own, so if I don’t go with him then I am indirectly depriving him of a holiday that he is very much looking forward to.

I would obviously like to go on holiday, but the independent side of me isn’t massively happy about being paid for. It would be a short, all inclusive break so it would be hundreds of pounds as opposed to thousands and we wouldn’t be spending a huge amount while we were there. I could stretch to some spending money!

Any thoughts from the wisdom of the internet?

Go and enjoy yourselves. He sounds lovely x

Let him take you. It's not an obscene amount of money and it's something he wants to do. It's okay to let other people be generous to you. He also wants to experience these things with you, so it's a gift to himself. I've paid for my (now-husband) partner's holiday as a present (less about his money situation; more about wanting to give him a good present) and it was super fun for me. I'd have been sad not to have been able to do that with him.

If it makes you feel better, tell him that you'd like it to be an early birthday/Christmas/whatever gift.

Don’t be a martyr go and enjoy

Just go! But him a small thoughtful gift to say thank you.
Then if/when you earn more save some up and treat HIM to a holiday. Then it's equal.

Go, and enjoy yourself. If you can, research a nice day out/posh restaurant in the holiday place and pay for you both to go there.

I’d go. His reasoning is, well, very reasonable!

I would go

Go and his attitude to money bodes well for your futures if you settle down together.

If he is happy and willing to pay then go and enjoy.

I did the same for my then bf when I wanted to go to New York before we got married. He couldn’t afford it but I had got a nice bonus to cover his wages for a week off (self employed), holiday & our spending money. He didn’t really want to take it but selfishly I didn’t want to wait either or go with anyone else.

Definitely go

Go OP! I'm independent financially from my partner, run my own business & we don't live together but if he wanted to take me away somewhere then I'd say yes without a second thought! Take him out for a nice meal or something while you're there but just go and enjoy yourself, he sounds lovely!

Go! Maybe he's planning on proposing!

Of course you should go. You are clearly in a fairly serious relationship, even if you're not living together, and it says a lot about him that he does not expect you to contribute equally financially or hold things over you.

I would completely second other posters who say that if you can, save up to contribute in the form of a lovely meal out, an interesting tourist attraction or for some general spending money etc as I'm assuming you're not so broke that you can't pull together at least something.

Go

Two years in, this is actually a good test. If you stay together for a lifetime, your individual economic statuses will inevitably fluctuate. There may be times when you are the bigger earner. There may be times where one of you is financially dependent on the other, especially if you choose to add children to the mix. A trip like this will highlight potential issues in sharing finances. Will he get snippy if you buy a souvenir on the trip using your own money? Will you feel like you can’t enjoy yourself or spend a bit because he is footing the main bill? Some issues may crop up and that alone isn’t a problem. The real test is how you handle them as a couple. Can you communicate about money? Can you both accept that fair doesn’t always mean equal? Do you have reasonably similar beliefs in saving and spending, at least close enough that compromise doesn’t have to mean complete capitulation.

My boyfriend did this just before we moved in together.
He wanted to go away and I couldn't afford it, so he paid. Was a lovely week away and it was a good test of our relationship, we came home to find both sets of parents had packed for us ready to move us into our flat that weekend 😂

If you feel uncomfortable with it still, could you provide spending money for the trip?

Go and enjoy he clearly wants to treat you!

Of course you should go. As others have said you can treat him whilst there and there will be little to spend anyway if it’s all inclusive. I agree with your partner, and I would also be happy to pay for my OH under these circumstances. In fact I have paid for my adult DD to go skiing with me because without her no one else would come with me, she would rather go with her friends I imagine but when it’s an extra free week on the slopes for her, why not?

Definitely go!!
When you get back arrange a treat for him to return the lovely gesture? It doesn’t have to be an expensive holiday but what about an evening out to see a band he likes, a day doing an activity he enjoys... that sort of thing!

Go go go. I've paid for holidays for my other halfand friend and I don't feel taken advantage of. I had more money than they did at the time. Not the case any more but both have since offered to pay for meals out by way of thankyou and sometimes I say no and sometimes yes if they insist. If you don't go he doesn't get to go anywhere and he will resent you more
All inclusive is a good option as he would not have to spend any extra on you whilst you are there.. save up a bit of spending money so you can buy a souvenir and have general cash on you for an ice cream or drink outside of the hotel and possibly if you can save a few pounds and get him a bottle of wine or a box of nicely wrapped sweets from the duty free to say thankyou. I normally go poundland and get plane snacks like a packet of haribos and some crisps to take with me

I’ve been there and paid for exes, would much rather go to where I want, with the person I wanted to go with than not go at all! For some people, like me, money can be easy come, easy go.
I’d rather spend it on / with the people I love than sit there doing nothing.
Go enjoy yourselves

He can afford to pay and he clearly wants to take you. Honestly, I fail to see why you are ruining what would be a lovely time.

I think that’s an overwhelming set of votes for go, thank you. And to those of you who have said it he is lovely, yes

@bigchris Haha, that’s not it! He knows that I personally wouldn’t get engaged to someone I hadn’t lived with yet. Moving in together at some point is our next step!

@Aquamarine1029 not ruining it, just trying to make sure I’m not taking advantage he earns a fair amount more than I do and that’s not something I’ve had in a relationship before!

Go and have fun! I earn more than my partner and paid for the holidays even before we moved in together. What's the point in having money if you can't enjoy it.

As you've said yourself it's a short break, not into the thousands and he won't go without you. Going away with him doesn't mean you are any less independent than before the holiday.

Take him out for a nice night out when you are there and enjoy being away together.

He is the one inviting you along and he can easily afford it. How is that "taking advantage?" Stop over thinking this.