Thanks for all your comments and sorry it has been a while since I cam back. The last 24 hours have been awful and I have emotions all over the place.
I wanted us to try and move on from the argument that was going on, and so did he. I asked him that if he is not controlling and abusive to show me that he is sorry for his entitled behaviour and make me understand he knows why its wrong. Instead he has just shut off. He said I need to try too to sort this out. I have said I don't feel there is anything for me to sort out, apart from try and carry on and be normal without making anything worse. He keeps telling me how angry he is that it wasn't sorted out the first night instead of me hanging up. I have made it clear what I need from him but he just keeps making excuses and saying that unless I be normal with him then he can't show me how sorry he is. His version of normal being all affectionate and maybe even sex (whole other thread).
I explained that I wasn't feeling like sex after all that has gone on, plus personal issue that I am having down there. He feels that I should want to do that with him and want to be like that around him.
Whenever there is an argument he never allows space for things to calm down, he always expects it to immediately going back to being perfect. I don't think that is normal? Surely its normal to be a bit upset and a bit reserved until the air has cleared.
So I gave him a cuddle on the sofa last night, and tried in bed also, but then he started asking how is this getting sorted out. I said I am trying to make an effort to show you that I am trying to move past this. He said I am not trying because I haven't tried kissing him etc. I then got annoyed and said hang on, why is it me that has to do all this like I'm the one that has done something wrong.
He just cannot accept that he has done wrong and he needs to prove to me he is not this abusive person I am starting to think, or part of me thinks he could be.
We have arranged to see someone next week together to see if we can get to the bottom of the trust issues and these issues also.
I just feel so lonely. All night I tried to be near him, put my hand on him to show him I wanted to move forward and he didn't respond. I don't feel like I have anyone in RL to talk to about this.
I really do appreciate all of your comments on here.
@AttilaTheMeerkat
Is it really that obvious about my relationship history? Sometimes I think it must be me, maybe I am the abusive one?
Growing up my parents always argued and eventually split when I was in my early 20s. Never saw affection between them, they never gave affection to me. I was also bullied at school and somewhat bullied at home physically so have always felt quite lonely and tried to keep myself to myself. I think this is where my people pleasing comes from as I really cut myself up if I feel like I have done something wrong or have disappointed someone.
I had been single 2 years previous to this and felt in such a good place mentally and was completely prepared to be on the watch for any red flag behaviour. I honestly cannot believe that this can be happening again.
He told me hes not abusive as he's not nasty or hurtful. I reminded him of coercive control which I had talked to him about before and he looked it up on his phone and admitted that he is almost all of the signs of that but his answer was he doesn't do this intentionally.
Does anyone know what will happen when we attend counselling next week and they identify that this in fact abusive/controlling behaviour?