Would you think this is sweet or patronising?

[Moofreemum1]

Been speaking to a guy for a few weeks now and met up last week. Got on really well. I mentioned I had an exam this week and needed to revise. Didn't say every night or anything.
One of his texts a few days ago read:
"You really need to get on with that revision, I'm avoiding asking you out this week so you can focus on revision"

My DM thinks it's sweet and thoughtful but something about that irritated me. Like I'll decide when I study and not you. What do other people think?

It could be clumsily worded I guess in that he may mean he can’t wait to see you! But yes, I would have had to read it twice to decide!

He is trying to be understanding of the fact your busy and need to focus on other things this week. He is putting the ball in your court, nothing to stop you saying in a few days “I need a break from revision fancy a drink/meal/whatever?”

He’s telling you he is keen but is holding fire so to speak. It’s nice, he’s remembered something important to you. That’s how I read it. Perhaps means he has not got lots of other ‘potentials’ on the go.

You’re nit picking

I’d raise an eyebrow at the wording. But I’d see if it was just a badly worded text. I mean I would carry in seeing him.

*on!

I would read it twice. I think it’s more thoughtful than anything else but not 100% well worded. I do think it’s thoughtful and letting you know he’s interested not gone off the boil.

It would irritate me. Especially 'you really need to get on with that revision' like you're a child. Ugh.

Just read it again - I don’t like the ‘you really need to get on with revision’ and would feel exactly as you did. the rest is thoughtful. Think that was badly worded

It sounds like he’s talking to a child. Could just be clumsily worded... keep a close eye!

I think this would only annoy me if there were other things that I was already 🤨 about IYSWIM

Later he asked if I had done revision. I said I had and his reply was "Well done on the revision, I may get to see you sooner now".
I just find the way it's worded patronising.

Yeah I wouldn’t like that either.

Reason I asked is because I attract idiots and have been in abusive relationships. I don't trust my DM judgement as the way my parents speak to each of sometimes is questionable. I didn't know if I was being over sensitive and he was being sweet/thoughtful or this could be a sign of what he is really like....patronising

It sounds like he's letting you know why he isn't asking you out this week, in case you think he's going off you.

The update text is worse - is he patronising in person? It could just be a clumsy attempt at being nice but if he's always like this it's going to get old really fast

I think he was just trying to be nice. Maybe cut him some slack and then see how things are in person next time you meet.

I think it's sweet

The words imply a tone of being parented. However he could have a focus on academia so really wants to support you in getting the best result possible.

I think he's not very good with words which would put me off!

I wouldn’t like the phasing but to me it feels like what he’s trying to say is ‘I acknowledge the fact that you need to revise and I don’t want you to misinterpret my not asking you out’.

I think it sounds nice. Text messages always read differently to everyone. To me the first message sounds like he is unsure if you are planning to study the whole time and not up for going out and leaving it up to you to let him know if you're free for a drink. The second message, I use well done myself, it just sounds like he was encouraging you. The might see you sooner, again, sounds like he's leaving it up to you to let him know if you want to go out. He may not want to come across as pressuring you to go out so isn't saying it outright,
but he sounds keen to meet up again. See how he is when you meet up again. It's early days still you are both still getting use to each others way.

Does he mean 'I hope your exams are over soon - Trying hard not to disturb your revision but I'm dying to see you ' ?

Hmmm... probably too early to know whether he's a sweet thoughtful person with a clumsy turn of phrase in texts or whether he's a patronising controlling git who thinks it's his job to tell you what to do and when to do it.

Test him out: next time he decides you need to spend your time revising arrange a date in the middle of it: assert your judgement over how you spend your time. See if his reaction is 'great, whatever you think is right' or a version of 'no I say we can't go out because I think you should be revising'. In which case dump him.

I think it's fine and read it as "hurry up and do your revision" ie he can't wait to see you again.