AIBU to ask Ex wife for maintenance ??

[hadthesnip2]

Long time lurker - just looking for some confirmation that IANBU or a cf.

Its a bit of a long story but I'll try to keep to the point but don't want to have to drip feed later.

Divorced 9 years ago. We have 3 dc's now aged 15.14 & 12. Since the divorce I have lived on my own, although I've had a couple of relationships & a few casual flings. Exw moved a man in after the divorce & lived there for 18 months. Since that broke down she has had a few boyfriends that mostly lasted less than 6 months. I had dc's eow but also saw them during the week as I lived quite close. I gave her £600 pm maintenance. For clarity I am self employed & my earnings generally fluctuate between £45k-£60k pa - hers on divorce were around £15k and she also received child/working tax credits as well as child benefit.

The issue now is that late last year she started having a new boyfriend of less than 6 months stay over nights a week. Main problem with that (apart from not really knowing him & imo too soon) was that she didn't have her own bedroom & slept downstairs in the open plan dining room - no doors or curtains & in full view of the kitchen, so when my 14 year old daughter came down for breakfast she was confronted with them in bed together. Not doing anything as far as she could tell but not appropriate. This, and the fact he was often there when the 3 dc's came home from school, made the living arrangements intolerable for them. Having asked their mum a number of times to reduce the times he stayed over without success they asked if they could move in with me. Only problem was that I only had 2 bedrooms and when they stayed over one slept on the sofa & the other 2 would share a bedroom. This was obviously not going to be suitable for any length of time & so I found a 4 bed house to rent nearby at very short notice & we moved in just before xmas. Due to not knowing how long this was going to be for & issues with my current mortgage I left my house as it was so for the Iast 7 months have been paying both rent & mortgage, as well as council tax & utilities for both. My house is now on the market & when sold I will look to buy somewhere for all of us to live.

During all this time exw has not paid for anything apart from £100 spending money for 2 school trips (I paid £1300 for eldest to go skiing & £350 for daughter to go on a music trip). I stopped the £600 maintenance in February when it was obvious that the dc;s were going to live with me long term & due to my income I don't bother claiming child benefit,

so, now that I will soon be buying a bigger property, and thus a bigger mortgage - as well as seeing my food bills as well as everything else spiral upwards - AIBU to ask my exw, who earns a quarter of what I do, to pay me maintenance ??? fwiw, the dc's do not stay with her at all & only the eldest see's her - usually once or twice a month. My daughter has not spoken to her mum since xmas.

How's she going to support herself without getting another job, unless she's going to sponge off the new bf, surely she won't continue to receive benefits indefinitely if she's fit and able to work?

Use the cms calculator and you should get any child benefit (she can claim and pass on to you perhaps, it's a substantial sum)

Your ex might be claiming for the children still living there, you need to claim the CB even if you don't get it to prove residence.

Regardless of how little she earns she should still pay something towards the children.

You need to get the child benefit - for all you know she is still claiming it, and as a run on she is probably getting tax credits and possibly housing benefits that she is no longer entitled to.
And yes, she should be paying child maintanance. Even if, at this point, its only a fiver a week.

Afaik the non resident parent pays maintenence to the resident parent, (unless there's a proper 50/50 split, which would be taken into account). If she earns less than you, the amount you're entitled to could be lower than you were giving her, when circumstances were different, but no I don't think yabu to apply and see what you're entitled to.

Also, have all benefits, working tax credits etc, been switched to your name? If not, do this asap.

I earn too much to receive any type of benefit.

Speak to HMRC(?) about the child benefit. As others say it triggers the NI numbers for the children. It'll also make sure that ExW isn't still claiming it (chances are she probably is?) It'll also end any child tax credit claim that she has I assume as well.

Also pursue maintenance even if it's just a nominal amount. If you don't financially need it, give it to the children as pocket money or stick it in a savings account or junior pension fund or whatever. Why should she get away with washing her hands of any responsibility for her children?

You sound like you're doing a great job and your children are lucky to have you.

If she's unemployed, she'll have to give you a tiny token amount. You'd be better letting that slide, and putting in a claim for child benefit, child tax credits and working tax credits (make sure you specify you're a single parent). You may also be entitled a an nhs card that gives you free eye checks/ dental care etc, depending on what benefits you're entitled to. You need that money for your children, don't let her guilt you into not claiming with any sob stories or woe is me stuff. She won't be able to claim wtc now anyway, so that benefit at least is going to waste.

Did she give up work or take a lesser role to bring up your children? It's all very well saying about being able to work more hours and earn a bigger salary, but not always so easy after taking time out. I'm back working after taking a decade being a sahm to 4 kids. I earn a fraction of what my ex does because he has been able to carry on working. I'm having to build my salary up and had to do a course too. So even though we share custody, he's in a much better financial and career position than i am.

Definitely ask but I wouldn’t expect to get much from her if she’s only earning 15k. Do an online calculator first to see. I’d contact child benefit as well to let them know the children have been living with you since December. She most likely hasn’t stopped claiming that or tax credits.

I understand not wanting to claim Child Benefit as my sister made the same decision as her and her partner earn over the threshold. However you have to register the children are with you due to the NI numbers etc as PP said.

Also if you don't make them aware that you have the children living with you now and your ex has continued to claim,you are also liable to be charged with benefit fraud, through the argument that you knew she didn't have the children but didn't stop her or she could blame you, saying she was claiming and giving you the money as stated upthread.

IMO its not worth the risk for the sake of a phone call/form