Should I send him this letter?

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We broke up a year and a half ago but still kept sleeping with each other until about a year ago.

Then he said it was messing with his head so we stopped. And he never got back in touch.

At first it was fine because even though it was him that left, he only ended it because I was only half into the relationship and he got fed up of the lack of commitment from me.

Since he left though I’ve gradually realised what an amazing guy he is and am absolutely kicking myself for being such an idiot. I thought I could do better but actually the truth is that he’s probably too good for me.

I’ve dated other guys since but none of them even come close to how generous and loving my ex was. It was only because i though he was punching with me because I’m 10 years younger and physically more attractive but I’ve come to realise that looks don’t matter when it comes to love. And the annoying thing is that I now think he’s gorgeous from his Facebook updates.

I want to write him a letter telling him all this and that I’ve matured since we split up. But I’m terrified that he’ll read it and run. And even though I know what I’ve lost, I still have some pride!

What should I do?

Don't send the letter.

Stop stalking him on Facebook.

Other than a sense if pride, what else have you to loose?
If I were you, I'd do it as women very often are discouraged from making a move like this, but unless you do you'll never know.

Life's to short for regrets.

Good luck.

I’m not stalking him on Facebook! We’re fb friends so his updates come on my feed.

I’ve just read back my op and in case it came across as being big headed, I don’t think I’m gorgeous or anything. Just that I’m 10 years younger than him so naturally I’m better shape ect

Someone once told me "only regret the things in life you have done not the things you have not "

So give it a go, if you can stand the response that he thinks you are a bit of a loon, but if you don't try you will never know.

Go for it! but keep it in mind - he may not want to go back there, he may be in a relationship, etc; so as long as you can cope with possible rejection..........

I would say yes to reaching out to him and saying you havie regrets about holding back, would be keen to have another try etc. But don't say you thought you were too good for him, he was punching etc - that is unnecessary and hurtful and won't help your cause.

He might be up for giving you another go, but if he has a half decent self esteem he won't if you say that to him.

I am not judging you for feeling like that and respect your honesty here. But honesty isn't always the best policy...

What have you got to loose......do you know if he is single from his Facebook posts.....if he isn't then no don't send the letter it wouldn't be fair to his girlfriend if he has one....good luck x

That’s what I’m scared of Queen.

It looks like he’s started seeing someone and from there photos he looks smitten. Like he used to be with me. But I’m wondering if I write him all the things he wanted from me but I couldn’t give at the time like commitment that he’ll leave her?

Leave him alone, it sounds like he's moved on and happy.

Ah. So this is at least partly a reaction to him moving on. How dare he get over you?

Leave him be.

Also if you think he will leave somebody he is smitten with for you (who he hasn't seen in a year) just because you write him a letter, then maybe your ego and sense of superiority over him hasn't actually changed that much tbh.

Ohhhhh I've changed my mind then! it's seeing him on FB with someone else that's set you off wanting him back. Very very common for this to happen. So, if he's happy with someone new, just leave it.

Bluntly...you sound like you have issues.

You're only really doing this now because he has met someone and looks happy. So, suddenly, he's irresistible to you. But wasn't for the year and a half before that.

Yet you're still saying "he was punching with me" and "I'm physically more attractive". You've nobly and heroically come to realise that "looks don't matter" - well, whoopee.

To be honest, it all reads like this is just a power thing on your part. You're now tempted by what you can't have, but weren't remotely tempted when you could have it. And now fancy seeing if you can still make him leave her, and come running back to you.

Bet you wouldn't be interested for long if he did, though.

And you may not even realise you're doing it. You said it yourself - he's a good guy. Leave the poor bastard alone to enjoy his happiness, and get some counselling.

Sorry but it sounds like you are only feeling like this now he is seeing someone. You've been split up a long time just to suddenly realise you made a mistake. I suspect its more of a case of you don't want him but you don't want anyone else to have him either.
I think it would be selfish and unfair to contact him now he has someone else. At the very least wait until he is single.

Oh dear... leave this man well alone. It’s been a year and a half and now you want him when he seems happy with someone else!
That’s exactly what people who want to mess with other people’s heads do.

If he's single definitely do it.

If he's not, leave him alone.

I'm changing my stance from my previous post too.
If he's in a relationship then you really need to examine your motives and ask yourself "why now?"

Talking it through with a counsellor would most likely help you finding answers for yourself.

I'm still wishing you good luck

Your physically more attractive? Don't send him the letter, your full of your own self importance, he deserves someone to love him, for him, not you.

If he wanted to be with you he'd have been in touch. Don't send the letter.

If he'd leave his girlfriend because you wrote to him, then you deserve each other.

Actually, I think if he came running, you wouldn't want him.

Christ, this all sounds a bit teenage.

Anyone reading here who wonders why their arsehole ex always pops up as soon as they are feeling happy and moving on: Here's what they are thinking.

OP, you have avoidant attachment. If you want to address that, then get into therapy. But leave this man alone. Hes finally happy and doesn't need you to throw a self involved curveball at him.

No. Don't write the letter. Leave him alone and find someone else.

Don't do it...
I did exactly this many moons ago to my best friend. Although he came running as soon as I clicked my fingers it didn't end well - my friend was absolutely devastated and although forgave me years later our relationship was never the same again. We're still in touch on FB but she emigrated to Australia quite soon after. I still regret what I did to both of them to this day. 😢

Leave him alone. Its taken you a year and a half and his new relationship to make you realise he was actually decent. Very wrong.