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Original poster

Getting hard

32 replies

underthe · 21/06/2019 14:14

me and my boyfriend have been having. Bad time the last few months I found out he wanking and paying for porn sites ect, all sorted now I think, he was wanking when I was in the house with our kids, he said he would stop and wouldn't go on the site ect anymore, last night I showed him a clip of a porn video, (we know the man in it and I thought it was funny, but he got hard over it! Should I be worried? Even though I could see he was hard he lied and said he wasn't got all defensive and started having a right go at me? Am I in the wrong for point it out and getting moody because he was hard!

OP posts:
RelateOrNot · 21/06/2019 14:20

I’m a bit confused. Was the man in the video having sex with a woman? If so I think you are unreasonable to be moody about your boyfriend getting aroused. If he uses prob then that will be his natural reaction. I don’t think it’s relevant that you know the man.

Original poster
underthe · 21/06/2019 14:24

The man was with a woman, he said he wasn't used porn or wanked in about 10 weeks, because the way he didn't it nearly ended our relationship, he was on site and paying for them with fake email ect, I feel like he don't want me 🤷‍♀️ we just had sex and then I showed him the clip

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Aberforthsgoat · 21/06/2019 14:27

Why are you showing him porn if you’re uncomfortable with him watching porn and have asked him to stop?

Kukumbr · 21/06/2019 14:27

I think if you show someone something that’s only made for the purpose of arousal, you can’t get mad when they, you know, get aroused.

Sounds like you’ve much larger problems here.

Original poster
underthe · 21/06/2019 14:28

It wasn't just porn he was on it was prostitution website ect paying for pictures and photos

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RelateOrNot · 21/06/2019 14:31

To be honest I would be questioning whether you are compatible with each other.

Whether or not he’s telling the truth about using/not using porn anymore, the fact is that it turns him on. Given this, his getting an erection watching a clip is entirely to be expected.

If it is a dealbreaker for you that he enjoys porn then I’m afraid you may need to confront this possibility.

Original poster
underthe · 21/06/2019 14:32

It's the Lieing I can't deal with. So hard to end things we have 3 young kids

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RelateOrNot · 21/06/2019 14:38

Yes it is hard (pardon the pun!) to end things under the circumstances.

But you need to ask yourself if you are you able to live with a partner who uses porn and webcams? Or will it eat up at you until you end up hating him?

I would guess that his lying is because either has an full on addiction or he doesn’t care enough to put the effort into giving it up.

Original poster
underthe · 21/06/2019 14:43

He said he's not using them anymore

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Jemimaaa · 21/06/2019 14:48

This is a truly bizarre post. Where else is he supposed to wank if not his own house Hmm

bongsuhan · 21/06/2019 14:51

Erections are involuntary. Judging people by their body's reaction to this or that is idiotic.

Original poster
underthe · 21/06/2019 14:51

Not on the loo when I'm looking after his kids 🤷‍♀️ paying for it out of the money for the house kids...
We would go ages with our sex because he was doing it everyday day

OP posts:
Original poster
underthe · 21/06/2019 14:58

If he told me the truth I wouldn't of cared but he lied lied and lied again, that wants hurts, I walked in one time and he called me every name Under the sun, I only when up stairs because I need some clean clothes for the baby, I' was very open to porn and even had it on in the bedroom a few times but he lied and when on to different sit set you a profile ect, he said he gotten board of normal pron so need something different what ever that means 🤷‍♀️

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Deathgrip · 21/06/2019 15:02

This is a truly bizarre post. Where else is he supposed to wank if not his own house

Seriously? To paid-for porn while she’s taking care of the children?

Some people have such low bars.

OP, if it’s true that he’s quit (I doubt he has, but there we are), do not show him porn. If he were an alcoholic who’d quit would you give him a shot of vodka? If he’d quit drugs, would you inject him with heroin? It’s an addiction.

Is he getting any support to quit? Porn addicts who can still access porn on a device in their pocket don’t usually quit because their partner finds out. They usually get better at hiding it (speaking from bitter experience here).

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 21/06/2019 15:04

Most women masturbate and pretty much all men. If you are treating your DP wanking as some sort of betrayal then you are being very unreasonable. You have no right to police him like this.

Deathgrip · 21/06/2019 15:05

I' was very open to porn and even had it on in the bedroom a few times

Oh, I was the cool girlfriend once too. Hopefully you know better now that you’ve seen how addictive and destructive this stuff is.

Have a look at the Your Brain On Porn website - one of the main driving factors in porn addiction is that they need novelty to get the same “high”. This often leads to lack of interest in real life sex with their partner, delayed ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and so on. It also often means watching increasingly extreme porn, which you’ll then find starts creeping into your sex life whether you like it or not.

Deathgrip · 21/06/2019 15:06

Most women masturbate and pretty much all men. If you are treating your DP wanking as some sort of betrayal then you are being very unreasonable. You have no right to police him like this.

Newsflash: you don’t need porn to masturbate, especially interactive porn you’re paying for.

Prisonbreak · 21/06/2019 15:07

People who like porn enjoy the sexual arousal. Your OH has shown to enjoy it in the past. You then show him porn and become annoyed or confused that he is aroused?!?
You sound like hard work

Original poster
underthe · 21/06/2019 15:15

It's not the wanking it's the porn I hate, I don't think he has been doing it, we have been having sex all the time so I don't think he is

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Prisonbreak · 21/06/2019 15:18

You hate porn so you showed him porn?!? The poor guy can’t win here

PhannyPharts · 21/06/2019 15:22

I totally get you asking him not to watch porn, and you hate it but

YOU showed it to him!

RubberTreePlant · 21/06/2019 15:25

You showed him porn. (Starring your friend?!)

This is odd, and not what people who hate porn do.

EAIOU · 21/06/2019 15:25

Im sure you're more upset at the lying than the porn. Given that it's caused such issues before.

However you cannot expect him not to be aroused when you show him arousing footage.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 21/06/2019 15:31

You need to keep him so busy with the dc he has no time for all this wanking!!
Wanking is fine when not instead of sex or family life imo.
Ask him to focus on your relationship as a couple not a teenager wanking to porn in secret.
Or maybe he will have to find an alternative address for his addiction.

Original poster
underthe · 21/06/2019 17:03

@Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge

Thank you, it's the way he did it no sex with me or he would pick that over helping me we have 3 kids under 5 so when he's home I need all the help I can get! Im always willing to have sex with him

OP posts:
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