Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Parter promotion WWYD

32 replies

sugarspicexx · 21/06/2019 11:56

Quick back story. We're both late 20's, no kids, not married, and pay the min rent possible for where we are. (The City)

So my partner will very soon received a promotion which includes a pay rise of at least 40K. So far the dynamics of our relationship has always been 50/50 He does earn a bit more than me currently, but i've always been happy to spilt evenly. The new pay rise will mean he will be earning at least 50K more than me.

Our current salaries earns us OK money. We do save, but saving is slow because we aren't often left with much at the end of the month. I do want to progress and earn more, which i'm working on, but unclear on when this could happen.

What i'm asking is, would it be incredibly cheeky of me to ask that when he starts his new role, could he contribute more towards the rent? So 30/70? I will have an extra £200 a month disposable this way. This allows me to save more money for the things that matter (personal financial security, our future, etc) and create a more fairer structure so that we are both happy. (well, me anyway) Blush

I understand that he should be able to enjoy the money he makes with his promotion, after all, his hard work has created this opportunity for him. Perhaps i'm being selfish?

His promotion happened very quickly, we haven't had a financial conversation about it yet. I am unsure of how I can approach it in the correct way. We are sensible with money, no worrying debts or excessive spending.

What would you do in this position?

OP posts:
Rosemary46 · 21/06/2019 11:57

I’d expect to contribute to all bills (not just rent ) is a way that is proportionate to your income.

dodgeballchamp · 21/06/2019 12:01

You do realise working in the city doesn’t mean you have to live in the city? It’s hard to say what’s fair though without knowing the amount you each take home after tax and what your outgoings are

LemonTreeLemon · 21/06/2019 12:11

I agree with Rosemary.

Original poster
sugarspicexx · 21/06/2019 12:11

Thanks for the replies. Bills are included in the rent. We are very happy where we are and it's extremely convenient for work, both jobs within walking distance. But long term, we probably wouldn't settle in The City. Outgoings are fairly similar.

OP posts:
LellyM · 21/06/2019 12:16

I guess me and DH are unusual in todays climate - both of our incomes go into a joint account and the bills come out of that. He recently was promoted to Director so that just means more in the joint pot and more in the savings.

Original poster
sugarspicexx · 21/06/2019 12:16

To make things clearer, he will be taking home around 2K more than me a month. Smile

OP posts:
Musti · 21/06/2019 12:17

You're a couple but as you have no children together nor are married nor do you make any sacrifices for him, there is no reason for him to pay more. I wouldn't ask him or feel comfortable accepting if he offered. However, if you decide to get married then yes. Or if he wants to treat you to things that you can't afford, it's up to him.

bebeboeuf · 21/06/2019 12:20

When DH and I first moved in together we worked out contributions to be based on a percentage of our earnings

As the years went on my salary increased in larger jumps than his so I would automatically increase my contributions and let him know how much less to contribute by and so it always felt fair and like we both benefited from good fortune no matter who it happened to

Original poster
sugarspicexx · 21/06/2019 12:34

I also am not sure if I am comfortable asking. But more savings would mean better security, in all scenarios. Part of me is sick of juggling money, that extra £200 would really help.

I might not raise the question anytime soon, wait for it settle, then ask if he's still happy with how we are contributing money, or would he be open to adjusting it slightly? We would have a better platform to work with in years to come if both of us have a good chunk of savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
sugarspicexx · 21/06/2019 12:42

I would still be happy to split everything else. As mentioned, if he wanted to treat me more than that is up to him. My sensible head would just like to be able to save more money.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 21/06/2019 12:53

You don’t have any commitment to each other, so I don’t really see why he should.

ukgift2016 · 21/06/2019 12:54

Why are you so wary to talk to your partner about finances?

I be earning more than my partner soon and we have had discussions about what our contributions will be so they are fair.

The fact you are even asking this question sends up red flags to me about your relationship.

HollowTalk · 21/06/2019 12:57

I would wait for it to come from him. I would expect him to offer and would rethink things if after a while you were still paying half of everything.

eurochick · 21/06/2019 13:05

We've always paid for joint things proportionately. This means the higher earner pays more towards joint bills but also has more left over, which seems fair. It's a bit concerning that you seem apprehensive about broaching the subject though.

Btw as you had both been earning about the same, you could say proportionate is what you've always done. 🤷‍♀️

AppleCiderVinegar · 21/06/2019 13:05

We do the same as bebeboeuf, in that we both contribute to the joint pot in proportion to our earnings. We also both have our own separate spending money/savings.

For the years when the kids were little and I was working part time, this meant DH contributed the lion's share. But now I'm earning a lot more he's reaping the benefits!
It also felt fair because I'd taken the financial hit when we had kids (and DH never disputed that.)

I think it's less cut & dry when you're at an earlier stage of your relationship and don't have children yet. But I would strongly recommend getting into the habit of having open conversations about money with your partner now, to agree what the principles are and what would be fair in different scenarios. it'll save you lots of headaches later when/if things get more complicated Smile

LemonTT · 21/06/2019 13:08

I would prefer to pay my own way. 50% was affordable and is the cost of living where you decided to live. I would hate the idea of being dependent on someone and to be living off their income when I am fit and able to work. I would up my ambition game rather than ask him for money.
But there is no reason not to point out that the excess can be saved and you both continue to live off your current level of income. When you get promoted you can do the same.

LexMitior · 21/06/2019 13:47

I think if you were engaged or married it would be a conversation to have, or if you had kids. But since you don’t, I’m not sure of the justification for it.

ems137 · 21/06/2019 14:08

Maybe because it's supposed to be a partnership and not a flat share you would think that each partner would want things to be fair and reasonable?! Why should OP struggle to make ends meet while partner gets a £2000 pay rise each month 😱

PianoTuner567 · 21/06/2019 14:12

Could you both put the same amount into a joint account? Like X% of your income, and the rent and household expenses come out of that? Any leftovers are joint savings.

HermioneWeasley · 21/06/2019 14:12

I don’t see why you should be able to save because he’s earning more? As others have said, you’re not enabling that earning

If you want to save more, cut back . I’ll bet you have unnecessary expenses

Loopytiles · 21/06/2019 14:12

Given such a big payrise a good partner would pro actively offer to pay more IMO. If he doesn’t YANBU to ask.

If he now suggests doing pricier things, eg meals, holidays, I would also be honest if I couldn’t afford to pay half AND save, and would prioritise saving. If you split up you will need savings. If you stay together and marry they will still come in useful! He can always treat you if he wants to live the high life!

DianaBlythe · 21/06/2019 14:19

It’s probably more a conversation about what you want for the future. Are you saving to buy together? Are you planning to marry or have children? Holidays/activities - is he going to want to go places/do things you can’t afford? Are you life partners/family or flat mates or somewhere in between?

DianaBlythe · 21/06/2019 14:23

I’m the higher earner but I would feel really uncomfortable if DH was scrimping each month and I was saving hundreds. We’ve always just got paid into the joint account and paid for everything out of that. We were married young with no assets though. He was earning before I qualified so he supported me then. I now earn more but work more hours and he picks up more of the domestic slack. It’s a partnership. I don’t know how I’d play things if I was newly with someone now in my 30s though.

ConfCall · 21/06/2019 14:23

You can ask, the worst he can say is no.

Do you plan to marry/have children together?

Original poster
sugarspicexx · 21/06/2019 14:25

Hey! His promotion is a huge achievment for him, he’s been working towards for years. I don’t want to take away his moment by instantly talking about our finances, so I’m approaching it carefully. Our communication is great in other aspects Smile

OP posts: