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Original poster

Should I tell the woman my ex is seeing that I stayed over?

35 replies

Anon975 · 21/06/2019 09:42

Me and my ex broke up in September, we were toxic together in a relationship but we've always gotten along as friends

Well we hadn't spoken for a couple of month, just both busy with our lives, but we started talking again a few days ago

I went over his last night, just for a catch up and a bit of a movie/takeaway night
Things happened between us which I was fine with since he'd told me he wasn't seeing anyone and hadn't slept with anyone in months

Later on we were watching another film and I saw someone pop up on his phone, the way he acted about it made me suspicious
so this morning (I stayed since it was too late to go home and I don't drive) I done some snooping and found out he's actually been talking to this girl for a while and they had sex Tuesday night..

I'm not at all interested in being in a relationship with him again, but I don't know if I should warn the other woman or just leave it alone?

OP posts:
Hermagsjesty · 21/06/2019 09:45

Personally, I would just leave it alone.

NorthEndGal · 21/06/2019 09:46

Leave it, block him, and move on

Chloemol · 21/06/2019 10:14

What’s it got to do with you? How do you know that they didn’t just have the be night and that’s all it’s going to be? It has nothing to do with you what he does. Leave it alone

NameChangeNugget · 21/06/2019 10:43

Stop being a drama llama, give your head a wobble and block him

sheshootssheimplores · 21/06/2019 10:45

He’s doing very well isn’t he!!!! Make sure it doesn’t happen again OP as he’s most definitely having his cake and eating it.

ShatnersWig · 21/06/2019 10:48

Why would you want to fuck some bloke you found toxic in a relationship?

Weird.

NotMyRealName123 · 21/06/2019 10:53

Wow... That's sounds a bit bunny boilerish sorry

NeatFreakMama · 21/06/2019 10:57

Leave it, and him, alone I'd say.

twattymctwatterson · 21/06/2019 11:03

To be fair if they're just talking and slept together once she might not view it that badly. However it sounds like you just want to halt their relationship and get back at him. Your relationship was toxic so there's absolutely no point in being in a friendship with him

Hecateh · 21/06/2019 11:10

Leave, block and move on

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 21/06/2019 11:12

He isn't a friend. Beware you don't become the ow...

Scorpvenus1 · 21/06/2019 11:27

You have been used.

I wouldn't tell the other women to maybe make her disappear. Surely didn't have to sleep with him, I mean there is literally hundreds of men out there without the drama?

Whatisthisfuckery · 21/06/2019 11:31

Netflix and chill? Sure you weren’t expecting any shagging. I bet you didn’t see that one coming at all.
Block him and stop out of his road, for your own sake as much as anything, unless you enjoy drama that is.

RhubarbTea · 21/06/2019 11:38

Sounds like your relationship with him is still very toxic. You need to grow up a bit.

mimibunz · 21/06/2019 11:43

He’s gross

Pinkmouse6 · 21/06/2019 11:58

He sounds horrid, no idea what you see in him. Leave her and him to it, block his number and move on.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 21/06/2019 12:25

I went over his last night, just for a catch up and a bit of a movie/takeaway night

I think you are denial to yourself about how you feel about this man and your relationship.

I say this because you felt fine sleeping with him as long as he was single. But you obviously still feel a sense of proprietorship because you 'did some snooping' (why if it meant nothing?) and now want to warn the OW (code for 'heads up he's still mine')

Of course you feel hurt and probably pissed off and a bit used. But it's because you haven't been truly honest with yourself about how you feel and what you want. When a relationship is toxic, it can be more addictive than a good one. Much more so. The brain chemistry in such relationships mirror those of addicts. Your attachment styles likely feed each others insecurities.

I think you should leave it and take care of yourself. Get some good support, maybe counselling to work through how you responded in the relationship and go no contact for longer than just a few months while you consider what you want.

It's ok to still want some element of this guy and to wish things were better. It's ok to still want him, enjoy his company, and have sex. But know who who you are. Not all people can do FWB especially with an ex. You are reigniting all those neural pathways that were engaged when ypu were together. A lot of people get hurt. Just leave it. You deserve waaaay better. He sounds like the classic exciting immature bad boy who will never give you the security you deserve. Go no contact and give your brain time to wean off him.

Original poster
Anon975 · 21/06/2019 12:49

I completely understand you all trying to over analyse this
However we were friends for many years before we started a relationship
It's quite normal where I live to remain friends with an ex

And attacking me for asking advice is completely uncalled for

The reason I ask is because I know what it's like to be on her side of things, and honestly wish I'd known what was going on behind my back

Obviously I have no intention of anything else happening with him, I honestly just don't know what the moral protocol is on these situations🤷

Also just FYI there is nothing wrong with hooking up with an ex as long as no one's feelings are caught up in it

OP posts:
RelateOrNot · 21/06/2019 13:06

I have no intention of anything else happening with him, I honestly just don't know what the moral protocol is on these situations

Why do people think that morals have anything to do with two adults having consensual sex when they are both single?

It’s none of your business what your ex does with anyone else. If he’s sleeping with someone else that’s their business and nothing to do with you. Their relationship is nothing to do with you.

What would you say to this woman he slept with anyway? “I shagged X, just thought you should know”.

They may be at the beginning of a relationship, they may be fwb, who knows.

It’s none of your business either way!

NameChangeNugget · 21/06/2019 13:14

Wouldn’t you be embarrassed telling her OP?

BumbleBeee69 · 21/06/2019 13:21

Why would you want to fuck some bloke you found toxic in a relationship? Weird

Wow... That's sounds a bit bunny boilerish sorry

THIS..

Yukka · 21/06/2019 14:11

Why is it the woman always goes for the woman. Have you not thought about criticising him for lying to you- rather than gloating to someone you don't know that you had a one night stand with your ex under the guise of being nice and helpful?

What exactly does it have to do with you? You don't know the first thing about what's going on between them but your instinct is to trash it?

Tell him to sod off and go and make your own life rather than playing games with one you supposedly left behind 8 months ago.

FYI being a fuck buddy to your ex is not a real friendship...

Sarah22xx · 21/06/2019 14:17

Nah wouldn't even tell her! However I wouldn't keep going back there

BigRedLondonBus · 21/06/2019 14:22

How weird why on earth did you even look through his phone?!

BigRedLondonBus · 21/06/2019 14:23

He might not even be in a relationship with her sounds from what you said it’s just casual. Sounds like you just want to lash out, jealous maybe?