Horrible in-laws\ difficult relationship

[mamapart]

Me and my Ex/ part we have been / were together nearly 4 years. I've posted about his LOADS on here but this is just too much.
Basically we split up and I swore it was the last time. However he's been so sweet and supportive. We're not properly back together just acting like it but he wont live with us. Basically his dogs not allowed here but we can make arrangements for people to watch him until we get our own place however he won't live here no matter what. He refuses he says he's not ready and prefers to pop in everyday after work for half an hours and stays a couple of times a week. I already have a problem with the dog not being allowed here because we have to rely on his parents to deal with it. His parents who go out of the way to make my life miserable and refuse to let me stay even though he lives in an extension in the house. I can't deal with them, or the dog situation and I'm worried me and my partner are going to go back to old ways. Any advice dealing with this?

Why do you care more about him than you do your daughter?

You both do not love one another, you don’t treat people you love like absolute shit. You’re both just used to one another and keep going round in circles despite it being unhealthy. I think they both LOVE drama more then each other. And certainly more then they love their child.

But I don't think anything said on here will change the dynamic of this so called relationship. The only thing that might is once the child at school and start talking about what happening at home, the school hopefully will get SS involved at some level then perhaps it will change.

Otherwise the poor child in this relationship will grow up following the same abusive pattern learned from her parents.

Can't you see that he despises you? He's a control freak. That isn't love.

Ask your counsellor to help you explore your avoidance. You need to get to the root of your indecision about leaving him or making a better relationship with him. If you opt for the second, bear in mind that it will never be a good relationship, the most you can look for is that it's better than it is now.

It'll be an effort, whichever you choose. Don't you think it would be more worthwhile if you put that effort into leaving him and making a fabulous life for dd without him?

Do you not think that he causes most of your anxiety?

Don’t you think being free to make your own decisions will help you be in control?

Thanks for all the advice. I'm going to talk to him.

As always, OP sticks fingers in ears and hums...

Exactly NannyOgg. And the next week OP will post another thread hoping to get different advice and still ignoring what everyone has said already.

@Nanny0gg

I've taken all of your advice and I'm going to talk to him?

@mamapart

The advice wasn't so much 'Talk to him' as leave him...

Oh so sad there’s a child in this sordid little mess of a family

I'm literally petrified (as he said it once before) that if me and him broke up he would try and custody of my little girl

Reread that OP
Now imagine a friend telling you that her partner does this

NannyOgg, I'm not sure she actuallycares more for him than for her dd. She has been forced by him to behave as if he is the most important thing, but do you actually feel that, mamapart? Do youactlly, truly, honestly believe that he is more importat than you are and more important than your child?

Do you honestly and truly love him more than you love your child? Or have you had to repress your love for your child due to this horrible man's behaviour? You need to step back and observe his behaviour and think about the things he says - as if he were a slightly interesting beetle in a lab.

Me and him have split up. I feel really bad, he was telling me all the stuff he has done for me, and how much effort he made for me and now I feel terrible

Well done!

I'm sure you're feeling all sorts of horrid things atm but you can get through this and come out the other side a much stronger and happier woman. Even if you don't believe that, I do. Honestly I have seen this so many times on Relationship threads, and I know you can do it too.

One foot in front of the other, one step at a time. It's amazing how far you can go just taking baby steps. Do it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

Yeah, he did stuff for you; they all think they're god's gift, mama, while slowly destroying your life.

Can you manage a few phone calls, like to Women's Aid, who can support you in real life? Also your Health Visitor and/or GP.

Me and him have split up. I feel really bad, he was telling me all the stuff he has done for me, and how much effort he made for me and now I feel terrible

Oh for god's sake!

I'm really pleased you've taken that step - well done.
But now you absolutely MUST stick to it and don't let him back. Read back and see the horrible life you and your DD were living and realise you are better off without him.