How can I do this?

[namechange991]

I don't love my partner of three years anymore , I've tried and the feelings have just left. I'm 20 and we have a young child together He is physically and emotionally abusive and also really controlling, how do I tell him I want out in the safest nicest way? I cant be bothered for this shit anymore as I know if I stay with him my life will be a misery and Il always be unhappy and treading on egg shells like I have for the past 2and a half years. Thanks x

Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this. You need to contact your family and a helpline asap.

Your priority is and always should be yourself and your child. Do you have any family?

Hopefully someone/mumsnet will come along soon with more experience.

@PocaNinja hey thanks for replying. I didn't want to get my family involved really as I don't want them knowing what I've gone through, I'm sort of embarrsed by it. Not that I should be but I don't want them looking at me thinking oh she went through all that such a shame or whatever, I wanted to just leave and if anyone asks I'd say it just wasn't working between us. I probably sound ridiculous saying that 😅

And yeah I don't want my child to see anymore of how he treats me in front of them

Is it safe, do you think, to tell him?
Perhaps better to just go?

He's on the bc and has said he would take my son off me basically (who's 1 and a half ) and has said before I can go but my child doesn't. So partly I think that's why I've stayed so long 😕

He can't just take your son off you, saying that is just part of his abusive & controlling tactics. The longer you stay the harder it'll be to get away. Contact Women's Aid for advice & practical help.
Forget being ashamed/embarrassed telling family what's been going on - they'll want to help you. If you can move in with them all the better.

Have you tried speaking to him about how you are feeling? Maybe you should be honest with him. Ask him for some space, does he have anywhere he can go if a break is what needed?

I hope that everything will turn out alright for you.

I think you should speak to Woman's Aid. He can not take your son off you. If he is physically abusive it might not be safe for you to tell him. I would arrange a safe place for you and your son to go and then go when he's out. Please get some advice and don't be afraid to speak to your family you need all the help you can get in this situation.

@BradP he refuses to leave during any argument he says I'd have to ring the police if I want him gone but then says which you won't, which is right:/ it's as if I'd feel guilty for doing it and I don't know why he always says sorry if I talk to him about feelings and I end up forgiving him every time hence why I've stuck around for so long n I shouldn't of:/

If you don’t live with him he should respect you and leave. Have you spoke to him at all recently about the way you feel?

I told him about three days ago he got all upset saying he doesn't want to loose me I'm his everything he's going to change to then today already back to ordering me about calling me a sket etc and pushed me into a door yesterday sounds like nothing and it didn't hurt but it makes u feel worthless

It's nearly half one and instead of sleeping I'm up thinking about everything n how to solve it all

Do you live with him?

No he lives with me in my small two bedroom place , sorry I fell asleep before I'd replied

If it's your place and you aren't married it's technically easier because you can tell him to leave, I believe. However what you need above all else is outside support, preferably from family and friends on addition to Women's Aid. Being pushed into a door and insulted is not "sounds like nothing", in a normal relationship it's horrendous and shocking and the fact you don't feel like that just emphasises how much you need to get out of it. Please open up to people on real life, they will help you! Good luck.

You have to get support you must tell your family there is no shame
I’m pleased and proud that you are doing it now
You have so much ahead of you so many experiences
He will find it hard to leave mainly due to the housing issues,Does he have family?

He's physically abusing you too. Report him.

Well done for realising you need to do something, for yourself and your baby.

If my Dd was in your situation I’d want to help you. Don’t you a single relative who you can tell and who can come and help you get rid of this man? If not, then please phone woman’s Aid. They will be able to give you lots of advice.

You need to get some authorities involved.
Contact Womens Aid and see what they can do to help you with an exit plan.
Please please please tell your family.
My DD is 21 and if she was going through what you are then I would absolutely want to be there to help her.
He won't be able to take your DC away.
It just doesn't work like that.
Social Services can also help you.
As his abuse is also physical, please call 101 and discuss with them.
You need out and your family will WANT to help you.
Please reach out.

Hi there namechange991,
Sorry to interrupt your thread but we just thought we'd pop on with this link to the NHS DV advice.
We think it's pretty good, but see what you reckon too, and if there's anything there that can help you with your situation.