Right, I have flattened my wedding ring with my teeth...

[BitingGold]

I have calmed down now. But I cant take my ring to the jewellers to sort it. Does anyone else get THAT mad with their partners?

poor you, sounds like you're really frustrated about something, are you feeling calmer now? would it help to talk ?

bloody hell you must have strong teeth. Are you ok?

I wish my willpower and resolve were as strong as my teeth..

My husband has changed in the last few years. He has gone from being a loving and understanding partner, to a man with short temper, who is self centered, and lack ability to see anybodys but his own needs. He nearly smashed my new mobile phone this morning as he thought I was recording his outbursts when I was just checking the time. And he pushed me, and this scared the kids. Dont I dare bring any issues on his attention and prevent him from work. So, when then?

I have no family here, nobody to go to. Luckily this only happens every few months. So now it should be ok for a little. But it is impossible to talk to him, he is alwasy too busy, so I bottle things up. And I struggle with a wilfull toddler, and I have various health issues and find it hard. And now I am the worst mum ever, as have put the kids in front of tv and I am here in tears.

Sorry dont know why I post when there really is no way out.

listen I don't have a magic wand to wave for you but I know this - biting a gold ring flat is a pretty clear sign that things are out of control for you. Can you talk to a HV or GP if no one else? Or talk here. You may not get a solution but at least you'll get some relief from the stress.

first thing tho - your kids are in front of the tv? and? thats not bad parenting, thats coping. Putting them in front of a stampeding rhino now THATS bad parenting, giving them TNT and matches to play with is bad parenting. Giving yourself some time to gather thoughts after an emotionally charged moment is common sense.

I second what Meouwmix says, and you have my sympathy. I've seen MN offer some wonderful support, if you can't go to a doctor, speak here.

BTW, my two are in front of the TV because it's raining and I'm bracing myself for a day of playdates! Don;t feel guilty about taking a little time out.

meowmix, sorry

poor you. my DC are in front of the TV too, the weather's horrible, i'm tired and at least they're happy we've all got to find waysd to cope and TV is'nt a bad thing...now leaving them in front of the TV and going out shopping for the day, that would be different.....

But I am a horrible and nasty mum. I am overworked, ill, constantly tired, stretched to breaking point, and I am unable to cope with my 2 year old anymore. He is so wilfull, and so naughty, and I am not handling it. I am sure if I was not so exhausted i would be able to handle him better. But now I can see that my marriage and life situation is actually impacting on my kids because I am so sad, tired and frustrated that I am turning my youngst into an even bigger terror than he already is. I am too old, and tired, to keep chasing him, he always run away when I am changing him, wriggles and kicks me, and it is such a struggle to get him back each time. The constant fights with his brother, htting him and kicking him, and screaming in his face. I feel like a complete failure. I am just not equipped to care for such a demanding child.
Everything is just getting on top of me, work, my husband, my children, and I just feel unable to deal with any of those issues.

poor poor you, i can empathise i get days like that but it does seem like you need some help, have you got family nearby that can help out a give you a rest, or would you go and see your gp, you can't carry on like this it's not fair on you.

You are not a horrible and nasty mother, you're a stressed and exhausted mother. Go to the GP. The exhaustion could easily have a physical cause so get that ruled out for starters. Talk to him/her, tell him whats going on and how things are getting on top of you. Talk to the HV and see if there are any local mums groups you can go to to give you a release.

I know this is anti-mumsnet creed of kids first above all else but you really sound like you need to give yourself a break here. That may not be the easiest thing - you may have to go to things like toddler groups that feel wrong at first, or talk about things you've kept hidden. But things aren't right now so you need to do something.

Re the 2 year old. Can you try the Little Angels/time out approach for a bit? It'll be hard when you feel so worn out but if you keep on for a few days it does make a difference?

BTW you are not a horrible and nasty mum, you're just having a bad time.

I just dont know where to start. First it is this day. I cant stop crying, my head is hurting. No, I have nobody nearby. No family, and no friends I can call upon. They are all on holiday.

I have to pack too today, as I am flying out to see my parents at the crack of dawn tomorrow. My husband had left my bags out under a tarpaulin for a month while he was tidying the shed, and the are all ruined as the wet ground made them go wet and soggy and mouldy.

And I know it will be horrid at my parents too, as there I will get no support and relief as they are ill and elderly, I really shouldnt be going there. Especially not with two children that are so badly behaved and fight so much.

The cases can be wiped - baby wipes are perfect for this (had same experience) and dry with a hairdryer. Line the bottom with newspaper in case.

So thats one less thing to be worried about right?

When you feel like this everything feels like a new jab or a new hurdle and really they're not. Try to turn it around. "Cracking, I posted about my cases and got a solution, right I'm set to do that packing and then I'll have a cuppa" "Got myself to the airport so thats done, now to get checked in..."

Break it down into manageable pieces. You can do this and you can get yourself through it. You can do this.

DO a list for today/tomorrow and start crossing off. It makes you feel that you're in control. In a few days add something like "try time out with DS" do it, cross it off.

Life can be completely overwhelming and the only way to stop that sensation is to slow everything down into tiny little steps. It seems stupid but it works.

good advie from meowmix.
Oh you are in a bad way, When you're feeling like this everything seems so much worse, although i'm not suggesting wet suitcases aren't a problem. it's hard to bite hte bullet and find some energy to get going especially if you're not keen on doing what you've got to do. it will be better than you feel it's going to be though, believe me. i sit and worry about doing all sorts and then when i eventually do them i wonder why i got so worked up.
you might find going away is just what you and the dc need, i know its harder to be away with the dc when you're in someone elses house but a change of scene might be what you all need, esp with this weather being stuck indoors doesn't help. do you parents live abroad?

DD2 has turned the TV off, i guess she's had enugh of my distant parenting, i suppose i ought to tidy up breakfast and do something with my day , keep posting biting gold, MN is here to help. hope you feel better soon.

Thank you both. Lifeline this morning. I have made the kids sandwiches, changed a nappy, filled the dishwasher, started the coffee maker. Am about to tackle the suitcases. Thereafter: I have 6 loads of laundry to fold (cleaning up as 2 houseguests just left, bedding etc), one load to hang, and two more to wash, then I will start packing, and make a list....

Can't help on relationship or kids my dd is only 18months but you could try packing your things in plastic bags then into the cases.
my husband insists I do this anyway as he's convinced baggage handlers are evil.

I hope you feel a bit better after visiting your parents.

Look love, if you blame yourself for all the things that are going on in your life you are done for!

Life is hard and you are coping and in shit circumstances with an abusive husband (YES IT IS ABUSE). & a hard to manage toddler.

But you see, why are you at fault here?

Lay the blame for this where it belongs, with him!

Perhaps if he stopped being such a self centred prick and helped you doing the really hard job which is keeping the household together and looking after your child..... instead of all his paranoid temper outbursts....perhaps if he got up off his ass and showed some common sense and consideration... then you wouldn't be in this state.

Theres nothing wrong with anger, if its properly directed, and NOT directed inward. Im not saying get physical or necessarily confronting him....what im saying is use the anger, its a very strong emotion it can motivate and empower you.

Love and hate, 2 strong emotional responses. Love yourself, and hate him (if need be), but whatever you do DONT HATE YOURSELF!

Leilel, got to have a think about your post. He is in need of some anger management. Normally he goes to the gym when the going get tough so I dont become a emotional garbage can. Been down this road before, and he is doing so much better, BUT the last few months has been more than hellish, and he has not had a chance to work it off in the gym or on the bike, so he exploded. I did too, and flattened my wedding ring. THAT brought him to his senses, though.

I have now two very happy kids playing with water and soap, after we have together washed 5 bags and 2 suitcases. My deck is mayhem in bubbles. So managed to achieve two things in one go, entertain the kids and wash suitcases. Hoping the sun and the wind will dry it out really quickly!

bitinggold
i know where you are comin from my dp was very lovin until he was a car crash in 2004 he has since changed and i dread his temper and dont see it is right for my 2dd and 2ds to see it but i love him..he is on anger management now and for a day or so after he his a happy lovin dp

Mine was fine until he had a brain haemorrhage scare nearly 3 years ago. This happened short time after my dad had a stroke and has been paralyzed in a wheel chair with all kinds of other health issues. I think it is a sort of post traumatic stress, bordering to depression. Which is why I dont think it is right to leave. He has problems, he is not just mean.

OMG OMG OMG

It was fine till he poured juice all over himself and needed complete change for the 4th time. Then I found juice all over the living room. and I lost it. I dont deserve kids. I am about to call social services now. Husband is not willing to come home from work. I have gone beyond bursting point. There is no going back.

where are you
i can sympathise with the lack of sleep thing
where in the country are you

Bitinggold; You poor love you really do sound like you are at breaking point...I wish I had the experience and right words to comfort you....you seemed to be doing so well when washing out the suitcases ..do try to look at the positive things like that... the juice isnt important, but it is something else to have to clean up and its just the final straw today...you arent a bad mum you're just an unsupported mum (my own mum threw me to the end of the bed when I was just 6 weeks old because she couldnt cope with the lack of sleep and utter lack of support from my dad....but that action changed his attitude and she was just fine after that) Going away tomorrow will mean a change of environment, and a change is as good as a rest; the children will have three pairs of eyes on them so even if your parents arent able to help much physically their attention to their grandchildren will take some of the pressure off you and it will give you a break from the person who is at the crux of your distress. I hope you didnt need to call social services and wish I could do more than just send a supportive message to help. (((hugs))), I so hope the day improves for you.

bitinggold
i know what you mean my dp dont mean to be like it and hates the person he has become all i can do is suport him like he has me when i lost my parents
he was told at the hospital that the person he used to be has died and he now has to make the most of the person he is and when he can apcept it he will change and be more fun loving again...