Dp's sister cleaning our house

[Pers]

Dps sister came for the weekend, I was working Saturday and Sunday so not around. Came in yesterday night to see the house clean which is nice, but everything has been moved around and reorganised, including my bedside table and all of my things.

Dp mentioned he would pay her £50 to clean the house, but I feel quite offended and violated that all my stuff has been gone through, I thought it would just be vacuuming etc. I'm also feeling a bit miffed as I want him to learn to do it himself, rather than let the women in his family scurry round after him.

Am I wrong to feel annoyed? What would you do in this situation?

Well I don't think there's anything wrong with her just moving a few items about on a table, what other things of yours has she reorganised? I think as long as she wasn't rifling round your drawers etc then there's nothing wrong with it. I'd love to come home to find someone had cleaned my house, and surely you trust his sister?

I do trust her, they are very close but sometimes I feel like they're too close... like I'm a threat to their relationship or something.

She did rifle through the drawers and reorganise things. There's things in almost every room of the house now in different places. I just wanna make sure I'm not being neurotic!

I would feel violated as well.

I’d be bloody delighted

Thanks for the replies! I think maybe I should be less annoyed but I can't help but feel like this is my 'territory' and it's not for her to come and sort out, but for me and my partner to do.

It's not a real mess by the way, but he had hoarding tendencies and has a habit of just leaving stuff lying around. I don't do this! I knew where my stuff was before.

How to encourage messy dp to put stuff away instead of using the table as an extra drawer...

And no you should not be less annoyed re his sister coming in and moving your stuff about. Other people would not like this. As for him wanting to pay her £50 to tidy up?.

You say he has hoarding tendencies; beware x 1 million here. Those will indeed appear in your home. I would seriously rethink this whole relationship.

I'd feel violated too.

My ex was being really lazy about housework so I told him I wasn't doing anything until he got off his arse and did his share. Two days later I come home to find the place cleaned. Without telling me, he had paid his sister to do it. Now she didn't go rummaging through drawers or anything, but I was so annoyed with him.

I wouldn't want a relative going through my drawers/cupboards - that's taking the cleaning too far and I would feel violated. What if you had like a sex toy in your bedside table drawer that sort of thing.

I didn't have anything too embarrassing luckily! But still it feels personal. Dp is saying I should be grateful that they both cleaned and tidied. I would be more grateful if he could take the initiative without his sister around. DP also left a diet book in pride of place on my bedside table. CF.

Dp is saying I should be grateful that they both cleaned and tidied. I would be more grateful if he could take the initiative without his sister around.

This is the kind of nonsense my ex came out with too.

Thankfully my now DP does more than his fair share.

Fuck me! I'd hate that!!

I wouldn't be happy with that at all, my mum often upon visiting my house feels the need to tidy things up without asking me. My house isn't dirty in the slightest, just not up to her standards of ocd clean. I find it rude, like she's judging me for something that has nothing to do with her. If it was a pigsty I'd understand!
I've told my mum straight not to do it unless I ask...she seems to have gotten the message.

Just be thankful for the help, explain its not happening again, and move on!

You say they, are you sure it wasn’t dh that moved your things? I’d ask them not to move my things again.

Yeah it's a bit odd, he should've definitely asked you before letting his sister do this. Leaving a diet book doesn't sound good either. Has there been other incidents with him/his sister that makes you feel uncomfortable or that they are overly close?

Nothing concrete in terms of them being overly close, just catty remarks at times or her being seemingly happy if I don't go out with them. Also speaking their native tongue when I'm around which can be sort of exclusionary, as I don't speak it well enough.

It could be a cultural thing where she's just helping her brother out but I already hinted beforehand I wasn't happy and said "he needs to learn to do it himself", but maybe should have been a bit more emphatic.

So they cleaned together? I had some image of her alone in your house, wandering hands all over both your private things etc.

I would really hate that. And what's that about the diet book? Talk about passive aggressive!

Yes they cleaned together, so maybe I'm overreacting

I’d go mad. No way would I want sil going through my stuff and MOVING THINGS?!!

Oh, no! If a DP and sister did that to me either her alone or with him I’d be fucking furious. I’d just be more furious I think if she had done it 100% solo.

Either way, in my book it’s a shitty thing to do.

Ah OP I was in a relationship with a man from a very 'close' family who was also from a different culture and the family often spoke their native language when I was around, leaving me excluded. They would be subtly and overtly rude and I was made to feel I was overreacting or taking things the wrong way. The family always came before me and could do no wrong, no matter how poorly they behaved. His older sister was one of the most difficult family members who clearly thought I was competition. My ex turned out to be abusive and would put me down for any imagined "disrespect" towards the family, while their blatant disrespect was ignored. Not saying that he will turn out this way, but I'm seeing some parallels, so I'd recommend being careful and keeping your eyes open to the behaviour of your partner and his family - don't assume you are wrong/overreacting. You are not.

Hang on, so your dp is a lazy fuck who doesn't know how to clean and tidy? (Or sexist who thinks it's womens work). And he needs to "learn" how to do it?

And your relationship is such, that he'd leave a diet book out to send you a nasty little put-down.

Are you sure this is a good relationship for you?

The chances of them BOTH cleaning is a million to one. Why would devoted DSis expect DP to soil his manly hands when he obviously didnt in the past and can't be arsed now? They are taking the mickey. Definitely run for the hills.

I wouldn't like it either but he told you beforehand that he was going to pay her the going rate to clean/tidy, and then spent the day doing exactly that with her.

I think it would be quite hard to clean up without touching your stuff, and surely your dp is allowed to open drawers to put things away?

I think they started a job, got carried away and thought you'd be pleased. In your position, id thank them and never allow it again.

The diet book is hurtful though, unless it's one you're currently reading or referring to a lot.