Dp's sister cleaning our house

[Pers]

Dps sister came for the weekend, I was working Saturday and Sunday so not around. Came in yesterday night to see the house clean which is nice, but everything has been moved around and reorganised, including my bedside table and all of my things.

Dp mentioned he would pay her £50 to clean the house, but I feel quite offended and violated that all my stuff has been gone through, I thought it would just be vacuuming etc. I'm also feeling a bit miffed as I want him to learn to do it himself, rather than let the women in his family scurry round after him.

Am I wrong to feel annoyed? What would you do in this situation?

I'd feel violated. Cleaning stuff and leaving it where it is is one thing, going through drawers is quite another
And tbh, I'd rather pay someone I didn't know to clean than a family member

I would be annoyed. I have enough trouble telling my DP to leave my stuff alone.(he thinks he's tidying - he's actually hiding stuff in drawers and cupboards so it's out of sight)

He sounds like a catch.

@hellodarkness I think that you're right, and taking quite a balanced view, and maybe I'm just being too sensitive about it

@Treesthemovie thanks for telling me your experience, I do wonder sometimes, if it's normal the way that he treats me especially when family are around.
Being overtly rude hasn't happened yet but I don't feel it would be much of a leap to get to that.

@category12 he knows how to clean, but often has to be told. in this case he had just left his stuff everywhere. Empties his pockets every day onto the table and just leaves it there. Its like he's blind to mess.

Oh thanks for putting that book out. Was planning to take to charity shop as I have decided I don't need it < hard stare>

I doubt that he did anything - he told you he was going to pay her, so that's probably what he did. I'd bet he watched TV while she worked.

I wouldn't like someone going through my drawers at all. I keep private letters, condoms etc in my drawer.

I'd be grateful for the cleaning though.

Someone helped me put my shopping away a couple of weeks and it took me ages to find stuff as it wasn't put in the right place. Drove me mad.

@TheBrockmans  too late I already put it somewhere else..

@Myheartbelongsto yeah that's the main problem- I feel like when stuff is reorganised it needs to done together.. I don't feel like it's my home..

As a side note, I just met an Italian friend (she's from a similar culture to dp) and just dismissed it completely as a cultural thing, so maybe I'm being too British about it!

An update...
So it seems the fact that "I don't like his family" was the last straw, so he went to a financial advisor to see if he could buy me out of the house, then came home one week later with a shit-eating grin and said "you have several options, I can buy you out or the house can be sold"

It transpired anyway that he had cheated on me one week before we went on holiday, so there is no coming back from it.

On further research, I've realised that he's a narcissist, I can't believe I put up with some of the things he did and said for so long. I'm so happy to be free now!

@Treesthemovie you were right, thanks for the advice!

Onwards and upwards from here I guess. Now there's just the matter of the house...

I would be absolutely delighted!

SORRY- did not see your latest pist

Bloody hell- I was not expecting that for an update. What a bloody sh*t. What are your thoughts OP?

So your gut feeling that the sister cleaning and the way he went about it was right. Always trust your gut. The fact he would get his sister in to clean with no thought or care for your privacy/feelings was a huge red flag. You are better off out of it. You never have to put up with his family again or his weirdness. Get out of the house responsibility as soon as possible. Go make a brilliant life. Best of luck

It is a pity these women enable lazy arse feckers by agreeing to do the work, frankly.

It's been a rough few months, and the house is nowhere near sorted yet. I have to go back to living with him in a few days, he won't move out it's "his house".

I realised that getting his sister involved seems like 'triangulation' which is where a narcissist brings another person in to belittle the other one. He has done it a few times with his sister.

I'm annoyed that i didn't realise before, and I'm sad that he'll probably treat the next girl the same. I just wish more people were aware of narcissistic personality traits. It seems like it's not commonly known about.

I'm also worried that I'm going to end up with another one, as I seem to attract them...

Don’t be annoyed at yourself, these behaviours are often very subtle.

What exactly is the situation with the house? Living back there is going to be very difficult for you but may be the only way to get things moving... unless he can buy you out without you being out of pocket.

Currently going through mediation which is super slow, she's not very helpful and asks us to make agreements about things outside of mediation which is basically impossible as he has a habit of contradicting himself.

I'm not in the uk, if I was I'd get a lawyer and I think it would be so much easier.