Hi all, regular poster but I NC often for privacy reasons. I’d love some perspective on the situation I find myself in. Apologies for the long post ahead!
5 months ago I met a lovely man through mutual friends, we clicked and started dating immediately. Things have been lovely, we seem to be really smitten with each other and get on like a house on fire! We both feel like this has long term potential.
When we met he had been separated for 18 months and has two children under 10 with his XW. They will start divorce proceedings very soon, once they hit the 2 years separation mark. They share the care of their DC 50/50.
He and his XW are still very close.The separation was mutually agreed as the relationship had gone stale after 15 years and they had grown apart. They tried to save the marriage for a couple of years, went to counseling and they eventually decide to split. He says that while the romantic and emotional connection disappeared, they have remained “best friends” and were determined to protect their DC and put their interest first.
According to what he says, the split has been very amicable from day one, for example she helped him find the apartment when he had to move out, and she helped him build the furniture for the DC’s room in his new flat. They still sometimes go out together as a family during weekends (not all weekends though), have family meals together every once in a while and they spent the last Christmas together with her extended family in the foreign country where she is from. He left on Boxing day and then took the DC on holiday without XW at the beginning of January. They normally take the DC on holidays separately.
I don’t really know what to think about such a close relationship between him and XW. He is very transparent with me about her, it doesn’t feel like he is hiding anything from me or sneaking around, which is why my gut feeling tells me that I should not be worried. He talks about her like she was a family member, almost like a sister?
However, when I think about the fact that they were together for 15 years and presumably very much in love at some point, I get quite jealous about them still being so close.
I have not said anything to him about this yet, as I am still trying to wrap my head around the situation. I understand that it is great for their kids that their separated parents are on such good terms. Both he and XW sound like mature and great parents, and their DC seem to have adjusted very well after the separation. However, I can’t help but feeling a bit jealous and insecure about the idea of him being so close to her?
What do you all think? Does this sound ok to you? What would you think if you were in my shoes?
Thank you!